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AIBU?

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Original poster

About guarantor role?

102 replies

OriginallyfromLA · 26/11/2018 20:21

This is very outing, but oh well, I really need advice!

I have a mental illness that was diagnosed a couple of years ago. In the year or so preceding this I exhibited chaotic, wild, behaviour and poor decision making. In this period of time I took out a high interest loan which my sister agreed to be guarantor for. She materially benefited from this stupid loan.

She willingly agreed to be guarantor, knew exactly what the circumstances would be and how it all worked.

I have never missed or defaulted on payments. There has never been any sort of inconvenience to her. Not once. She has never been contacted by them or hassled or anything like that. You can see where this is going.......

Today she has messaged me out of the blue, saying that she wants me to swap the guarantor role to my dp (not together when I originally took the loan out). She says not only is it a constant worry that she wants to get rid of, but she can't get a loan or mortgage whilst she remains as G.

For reasons I won't go into my dp won't pass the credit check so this isn't an option. He also doesn't know about the loan because I'm embarrassed to have done such a stupid thing and I really don't want to tell him.

For context: she isn't a high earner and I have gone above and beyond to treat her whenever possible, include her in family meals and outings. I pay her to house sit and dog mind. She works full time and recently told me that she was thinking about getting a second job to help make ends meet because she is "so sick of being poor". I was really concerned about this (she is single and lives alone so no support) so I mentioned it to our (wealthy) father, who thanked me and arranged to transfer her a couple of extra hundred pounds per month to help out. I told her I had done this and she hit the roof, saying her finances were her issue and she didn't want any interference. Fair enough, but I was a bit hurt and upset as I just wanted to help.

I've replied to her message saying that dp as G isn't an option and saying I'm sorry she feels it's a constant worry but there haven't been any problems.

I feel bad that it's bothering her but she knew what the deal was when she signed and telling me it's all too much now and she'd like to pull out seems unreasonable to me. I don't think I can get her out of it, if I could do a swap then I would, but there literally isn't anyone else. I asked my dad at the time and he said no - fair enough.

She hasn't replied to my message so I think she's annoyed. She's very likely to see this situation as a bad decision on my part that she got dragged into. Whereas actually, she made a conscious decision to help me out.

AIBU to think this and therefore tell her? Or am I being a CF????

OP posts:
category12 · 27/11/2018 18:47

Certainly, no good deed goes unpunished!

Indeed. I mean OP's lack of self-awareness/hypocrisy is astounding really. Her sister is broke, so OP asks their dad to help her out without telling her (while she keeps this loan secret from her partner, expecting her sister to keep it secret too while blabbing her sister's financial circs).

She "treats" her sister as if she were Lady Bountiful, yet all the time she has this loan her sister helped her get in desperate times, and is so blasé about this incredibly expensive loan that she's no idea when if ever she'll pay it back. Yet the sister is apparently the one who's in the wrong. Hmm

Original poster
OriginallyfromLA · 28/11/2018 08:57

I am not 'playing Lady Bountiful', I was giving a picture of our relationship. As in, I care about her and try to make her life easier.

This has come as a real shock because it's all been ticking along fine and suddenly out of the blue she wants to be released from the agreement. I can't make that happen overnight, but I can take steps towards that end. I've already doubled the amount I pay each month. It's going to be a real stretch but just about affordable.

OP posts:
Original poster
OriginallyfromLA · 28/11/2018 09:00

I spent the whole day yesterday looking for a solution for her, but nothing seems like it could be a possibility. I know no one else who might be willing to be a guarantor, my credit rating is 'poor' so I can't get swap it for a lower interest rate loan.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 28/11/2018 09:07

This is a typical AIBU thread piley-on.

OP says: Sister guaranteed a loan. Says now I should find someone else. My dad wouldn't do it when I asked him. What should I do?

MN rabble pile in with the following useless "advice":

  1. Get you'd dad to be guarantor! (durrrrrrrr)
  2. Release her! (as if it's within OP's powered to do that - durrrrrrrr again)

OP - you are where you are. All you have said you will now do (prioritising that debt and trying to pay it off earlier) is all you can reasonably do.

mrsmuddlepies · 28/11/2018 09:12

OP, the level of entitlement from you is breath taking. Your poor sister! I wonder if your relationship will ever be the same again.
Think hard about your behaviour, apologise to her and give her a clear time frame by which the loan should be paid off. If necessary, get an evening job so that the loan will be paid off as soon as possible.

Witchofzog · 28/11/2018 09:25

Yabu. Most of your posts have focused on YOU and you lack understanding on how this will affect your sister now (due to the constant worry) and in the future. She might not be in a position to get a mortgage or loan now but she might want to in the future and you don't even know how long the obligation is likely to last for. You are taking steps in the right direction by paying double but you need to make sure you keep doing this, keep communicating with your sister about this and be able to reassure her that you are taking this seriously. The whole "She knew what she was getting herself into and just needs to suck it up" attitude is awful though and your sister deserves better.

Clutterbugsmum · 28/11/2018 09:47

I think you were aware that your sister is and has been concerned about being the guarantee on your loan but it’s only now she spelt it out to you in black and white have you acknowledged her. And that’s why you mentioned to your dad about her money worries.

But that’s all by the wayside now and you really need to get this loan paid as your number one priority for both your sakes.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 28/11/2018 10:04

If I were your sister and you were so unworkable about finding a solution I would bypass you and go directly to the loan company to tell them I didn’t give my consent to guarantor anymore and wanted out as soon as possible.

I wouldn’t be surprised if that was her next port of call.

AtlasShrugged · 28/11/2018 10:22

*If I were your sister and you were so unworkable about finding a solution I would bypass you and go directly to the loan company to tell them I didn’t give my consent to guarantor anymore and wanted out as soon as possible.+

I wouldn’t be surprised if that was her next port of call. and the loan company would say "you've signed up to it, tough". This place is such a breathtaking well of stupidity sometimes.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 28/11/2018 10:27

There are ways around it; I’ve seen it happen. They have the ability to release her.

AtlasShrugged · 28/11/2018 10:29

There are ways around it; I’ve seen it happen. They have the ability to release her. They could, but they won't. Why would they?

WinterfellWench · 28/11/2018 10:53

As a few posters have said, hell would freeze over before I would ever be a guarantor for anyone. Not even DC. It's often basically an open ended agreement that says you will pay if they don't, and there is no limit on it. Fuck that.

The worst ones are the landlords who are renting to uni students. They send an agreement completely weighted in their favour..... 'Sign this guarantor agreement please, to say if your daughter or son fails to pay the rent, or anyone else in their house of 6 people you have never met fails to pay it, or any of them cause damage, YOU will be pay X amount of 1000's of pounds to rectify lost rent/damage to property.'

Fuck off. Hmm

OP, why can you not ask your 'wealthy' father?

I have to agree that the sister knew what she was getting herself into (or should have anyway!) But if you can release her, then do. As a number of posters have said though, some lenders don't allow this.

EmeraldVillage · 28/11/2018 11:00

Amigo are not going to take her off until this loan has finished or (possibly) you offer a suitable alternative and you don’t have one.

From a quick look at their website the interest rates are eye watering and so even this issue aside makes sense to throw as much overpayment as you can at it. Looks like you can do this without penalty. This will dramatically shorten the length of the loan. Their website will tell you how much you have owed and length outstanding.

HomeMadeMadness · 28/11/2018 11:02

I don't think your sister is at all unreasonable to want to be released but if you can't release her then you can't and nothing else can be done. If you're sure DP wouldn't be accepted then that's off the table.

I think from the sound of it it isn't true that she hasn't been inconvenienced by the loan since it's blocking her mortgage application and has also caused her stress. I do think she was right to be annoyed that you passed on private information to your father without asking her first. I would hate that if I was your sister. That said there's nothing you can do now but apologise and assure her it was well meant but won't be repeated.

With the loan you can only assure her you're working as hard as possible on a solution but can't do any more.

Jaxhog · 28/11/2018 11:03

It sounds like you're doing your best to pay the loan off as soon as you can. Why not sit down with her and show her what you're doing and give her an idea of how much sooner the loan will be paid off.

Original poster
OriginallyfromLA · 28/11/2018 11:04

Clutter - no I was not aware. Obviously, or I would have dealt with it.

In what way am I entitled?? There is literally no way I can release her from this.

I have apologised to her for the worry and inconvenience and reassured her that I will be doing everything I can to get rid of this debt. She replied and said it's not an inconvenience and it doesn't need to be gone overnight but she'd like to get out ASAP.

OP posts:
Original poster
OriginallyfromLA · 28/11/2018 11:09

And just to be clear - there has been no mortgage or loan application and she has no plans for them. Nothing has been blocked. It's just the theory that she couldn't if she wanted to. This loan isn't causing a problem in her life right now.

OP posts:
tablelegs · 28/11/2018 11:16

Get a broker to find you the best lower interest deal for the loan. It might still be high but will be lower than what you're currently paying.

How much do you have left to pay? If it's £2000, there maybe a credit card you can apply for with a 0% interest rate.

dustarr73 · 28/11/2018 11:41

Well im going to look at this from another point of view.Ops sister guaranteed for a loan,knowing the op was going through some mh issues.

What kind of sister does that.She was happy enough to take stuff off the op.And now she wants out.

The sister wasnt hoodwinked,she was told exactly what was going on.

category12 · 28/11/2018 19:04

I am not 'playing Lady Bountiful', I was giving a picture of our relationship. As in, I care about her and try to make her life easier.

No, you're acting like you have more disposable income than your sister when you're "treating" her. Yet you have this debt you're very blasé about repaying. You could be using more of your income to pay down this loan faster, and cutting your cloth accordingly, but instead you're swanning about doing all the family events and outings etc, and not letting it affect your lifestyle in any way.

It's a massively pricey loan that's costing you tons in interest. Do you have any idea yet when you'll finish repaying it?

So yes, imo, it's acting like Lady Bountiful, and you don't even have the substance to do so.

She may not yet be in a position to get a mortgage or loan, but should she get there, are you going to be anywhere near ready to repay that loan and let her off the hook? What if she wanted the opportunity to take an equally stupid loan herself? It's demotivating for her to be in this financial position, knowing even if she did get to a better place, she would still be up shit creek until you sorted this out.

If you wanted to make her life easier, you'd be paying off the loan as fast as you can.

Original poster
OriginallyfromLA · 29/11/2018 09:07

Which I am Cat.

The LB thing is rubbish. I like to do what I can to make her happy, whether that's a long dog walk together or a trip to the cinema. This will now include paying this off ASAP. And it's worth pointing out that we are a two income household with a reasonable amount of disposable cash but I would never expect my dp to pay off my debts.

OP posts:
Collaborate · 29/11/2018 09:24

@AtlasShrugged I was going to post about people's ignorance but you beat me to it.

I'm still astounded at those who seemingly are unable to read the original post, as some are continuing to say OP should ask her father. when she has already asked him and he said no.

TrippingTheVelvet · 29/11/2018 10:22

You don't get it. YOU don't have a reasonable amount of disposable income. YOU ARE IN DEBT but choosing to spend the money in other ways. Minimum payments aren't a target, they are the absolute minimum that you need to pay.

AtlasShrugged · 29/11/2018 10:29

@Collaborate - don't get me wrong, I think op should be working towards extricating her sister from this and I'm not convinced she is, but the idea that her sister can ring up the lender and asked to be removed as guarantor and they'll just do it on her say so is laughable.

AtlasShrugged · 29/11/2018 11:03

You don't get it. YOU don't have a reasonable amount of disposable income. YOU ARE IN DEBT but choosing to spend the money in other ways. @tripping is another with no idea about consumer credit. Your disposable income is what you have left over after your bills (of which the loan repayment is one) have been paid. I agree that in this case op should be striving to pay the loan off quicker (not least because of the eye-watering interest rate and apparent lack of erc) but to say she has no disposable income because she has a loan is stupid. If you have a mortgage does that mean you have no disposable income?

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