To keep this a secret from my best friend...

[PocketRocket83]

... that I love him as friend and also fancy him rotten. We tell each other everything, except this. We're both in relationships.
He's the one person who could help me make sense of this madness but is also the person I mustn't tell. What would you do?

You can't stay good friends if only one of you is attracted to the other. Imagine you were happily married and your good friend told you they 'were in love' with you? You'd feel annoyed and probably couldn't continue the friendship. It would be uncomfortable.

You don’t really believe it would be ‘wrong’ to keep the fact that you fancy him from your friend. You’re just doing the wide-eyed faux-naive thing to try to hide (from yourself?) the fact that telling a married colleague and friend with children that you fancy him is a provocative and selfish thing to do. There’s no good outcome possible, and absolutely no point in telling him other than your desire to gauge his feelings and burden him with your feelings. The best case scenario is that he’s shocked but kind about it, but even then it will inevitably upset your friendship, and the worst case scenario throws a handgrenade into the lives of four children and two unsuspecting spouses.

If you love your friend as you say you do, you owe it it him to keep quiet.

I'm married with 2 sons. He is also married with 2 children.

He calls me... we quickly move on to non-work topics... We discuss all sorts of things.

I don't think it's an EA... Wouldn't we have had to have spoken about feelings for that to be the case?

Focus on your marriage FGS. Sort your own life out before you consider trashing someone elses.

Do you want to be with your DH, Yes/No?

If no, then leave. Don't leave FOR someone else, you need to leave for yourself if you're genuinely unhappy. The "someone else" is what comes AFTER you have divorced, sorted out the house, the kids, the finances. Once you're single, living as a single person, with your own single life, having split from your DH.... THEN you look for another partner.

If the partner you're looking for is married himself, then you have to go about breaking up his marriage.

If you can do all of the above with a clear conscience then by all means go ahead.

But @Sethis, don't you understand - her kids and DH don't matter. He's "the one person who could help her make sense of this madness but is also the person she mustn't tell"! It's actually really romantic - this forbidden love... Maybe one day they'll turn PocketRocket's love story into a really shit made for Channel 5 TV drama that no one wants to watch.

OP, It's really horrible how "la-di-da" you are about everything when you're potentially talking about breaking up two marriages with children in both. You're either incredibly naive or shallow and selfish.

Your other thread on here, "...to think he might fancy me" says it all really. You ask why this guy you know doesn't just ask you out on a date if he thinks you're "beautiful" (neglecting entirely to mention that both of you are married with kids). You act there, and here, as if you were a self-absorbed teenager with no responsibilities.

Also, stop clinging on to, "I'm not that person" when you clearly are exactly that person - you are exactly the kind of prick who creeps around seedily behind their partner's back. That is you.

Yes it's an emotional affair - on your part at least. You live in fairyland if you think this wouldn't end hideously (for you - even if he has any feelings for you at all, the guy normally sticks with his wife in this situation).

Bloody well said MissRhubarb. About time someone told her straight - not that she’ll take any notice.
Can we all look forward to many more of these threads in the coming weeks/months? 🤨

Thanks everyone. You're right. I don't know what's wrong with me. Naive? Probably. Selfish? Most likely. I'm sorry.

You sound more concerned with keeping this from this guy, then you are about betraying your husband and children. You need to stop talking to this guy and distance yourself.

Gosh I had a quick catch up. I do think your attitude very naive. Almost unbelievable like the Maui poster.

As we're close friends it feels wrong to keep this big secret from him

It's not half as wrong as the alternative. I feel very sad for your children, that you're worried about doing wrong by your friend, but not by your family.

Don't you KEEP posting about this? I've read so many threads where a poster is madly in love with her friend/colleague. I'm sure they are all by the same person. The constantly arguing back about he may like OP too is a dead giveaway.

Don't you KEEP posting about this? I've read so many threads where a poster is madly in love with her friend/colleague. I'm sure they are all by the same person. The constantly arguing back about he may like OP too is a dead giveaway.

Yep, it's getting ridiculous now. Aside from the plethora of threads under previous usernames, the OP has started 4 threads on this exact topic in the last few days.

OP, get some therapy or other real-world help. Posting about this over and over and over again on here isn't going to help you at all. You need proper help.

Sorry I have posted several times about this (I haven't posted about it under another name). The reason is that it was making me anxious and upset and I thought discussing it here would be a good way to cope.

Yes and you have had advise to leave this alone. If you are unhappy in your marriage leave. If your friend wants you he will follow your lead.
If you tell him this will either end up as a seedy affair, he'll have a reason he can't leave the wife yet
Or he will end the friendship.
No good will come of it while you're both married.