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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should I pay for this damage?

110 replies

whaaatthe · 26/11/2018 01:53

Last night I had a few friends round for drinks that I’ve known for a long time. This morning I’ve woken up to messages of a neighbour saying they have CCTV footage of 2 of the people I had round smashing their car mirror and demanding I pay for the damage. I’ve spoke to them and they are adamant they haven’t done anything and why would they, They aren’t like that whatsoever and it was just a quiet few drinks. They said they would love to see the CCTV because they know it’s not them, I’ve asked neighbour and they have said they don’t have my friends on camera damaging their car. But another neighbour has a camera that’s seen them stood outside my house? I don’t know what to do, I’ve suggested they call the police they replied that wasn’t an option you need to pay for it, as I've brought trash to my house apparently Shock like I've said I've known these people for years I certainly don't associate with people that do shit like that.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 26/11/2018 08:38

I'd probably go more gently. I'd just text back and say, it's awful it was broken, but as much as they don't know your friends, you do and they woild never do such a thing, as such, they are blaming th wrong people, and you can't take responsibility for something that was done my someone unknown.

And leave it there.

BMW6 · 26/11/2018 08:49

I'd ring 101 as I think this neighbour is trying to defraud you.

Thebluedog · 26/11/2018 08:55

In the interests of being neighbours (pft), is keep all messages to start with. I’d sent one further message explaining that until they can proved cctv footage of your friends damaging the car you, or your friends won’t be paying them a penny.

If you get any further messages from them that are aggressive or confrontational at all you need to go straight to the police and log it. Take advice from them as to what you do next.

Your neighbours can’t ask you for money for something you didn’t do. If they can’t prove it they can’t ask. They have car insurance so they can claim on that, they must Ben bonkers to think they can ask you for it

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 26/11/2018 09:03

I would also contact the police. These people are basically trying to extort money from you. You have a duty to report them before they try this shit on someone less savvy and more compliant!

Wheresthebeach · 26/11/2018 09:05

You didn't do the damage so not your issue.

Tell them to go to the police, if they can't, that's what insurance is for.

Don't engage - they will try to exhaust you by harassing you into paying.

Be clear, and firm. If they don't bugger off sharply then report it to the police.

FartingInTheFence · 26/11/2018 09:09

Send one final message:

"If you continue to harass me over something I am not responsible for, I will report you to the Police immediately."

And then phone the Police anyway and drop them in it. You owe them nothing. They are cunts.

Keep all their messages and show it to the Police. Call their bluff and fuck them over. See how your neighbourcunts like it.

whaaatthe · 26/11/2018 09:11

Thank you for all the replies. The people I've spoke to about it have all said the same thing.

All they will say is, will you need to pay as you've had trouble makers round your house. As I've said these friends aren't arseholes and no matter how pissed up we all were they wouldn't do childish shit like smash someone's car mirror and potentially cause a load of trouble for me too.

They don't know these people, all they've seen is them stood outside on someone else's cctv. It was late and probably heard them talking outside and are pissed off about that. They only two times they went outside my house was to check if the taxi had turned up for them.

I live alone with my toddler so I feel they probably look at me as an easy target maybe, the last thing I want is trouble with neighbours but it's like there is no proof just weird.

OP posts:
Thebluedog · 26/11/2018 10:04

The problem is you’ve got trouble with your neighbours now, regardless of if you pay or not. If you take a stand now, by phoning the police and reporting the whole thing to them, they’ll think twice about trying to take the piss next time. Lay down, or try and be nice about it, will only result in more hassle from them. They’ve screwed the friendly neighbour relationship now anyway.

skybluee · 26/11/2018 12:52

I would message your neighbour back stating you've spoken to your friends and they absolutely did not go anywhere near their car. And that you've taken advice and the only correct way to handle this is through the police, and ask them if they want you to proceed with reporting it.

They have lied to you - firstly by saying they have CCTV footage of the friends you invited around smashing their car window, and then rescinding on that.

They sound horrible.

It's probably worth your while to try to de-escalate it as you have to live next door to them. So I would keep the messages civil and light. Hopefully once they realise you won't be giving them money they will drop it.

Sparklesocks · 26/11/2018 13:19

If this is how your neighbour carries on, attempting to intimidate a woman and her child, then no wonder their car got smashed up…sounds like someone who could have a good few enemies!

As PP have said stick to your guns and don’t part with a penny. They can’t really expect you to cough up with zero proof and are trying it on. And even if it was your friends, it would be their responsibility to pay – not yours. It’s a matter for the police and their insurance, nothing to do with you.

InTheNorth · 26/11/2018 13:31

"Should I pay for this damage? "

No

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/11/2018 13:35

I would take these messages and speak to the police.

IF anything had happened, it wouldn't be your responsibility anyway.

Nothing has happened, and you are being harrassed and they are trying to extort money out of you.

Don't wait, don't engage with them again, just take it to the police.

Clutterbugsmum · 26/11/2018 13:40

I wouldn’t pay but if they demand that I should pay them I would calmly tell them that I would be asking the police for advice as they are demanding money without any proof of anything happening.

I’d have to question why they have ctv if it’s not to protect their property. Or is it that they are doing something illegal and that’s why going to the police isn’t an option.

whaaatthe · 26/11/2018 13:48

It's a different neighbour that has the cctv which only shows my friends stood outside my house. They messaged me saying they have my friends on camera doing it, then when I said call the police they said they didn't have them on camera smashing it just that they were outside my house.

OP posts:
placebobebo · 26/11/2018 14:09

Your neighbours have already judged you and found you wanting I'm afraid (arseholes). They've just been looking for an excuse to start. So unfortunately unbeknown to you, you already have trouble with the neighbours. They will have been muttering about you lowering the tone ever since you moved in. Just be glad it's adults, who can defend themselves they decided to start with rather than your kid(s).
Chin up OP you've done nothing wrong. Don't engage and certainly don't pay. If they demand and escalate take it to the police.

Jakethekid · 26/11/2018 14:13

Could this be a class/race/age thing? Are they a bit strange or nosey neighbours? Seems very strange for them to be judging you and blaming you so quickly with no reason or proof.

Are you on good terms with other neighbours?

Jakethekid · 26/11/2018 14:14

By class/race/age thing I mean they dislike you because you are of a certain class race or age.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/11/2018 15:57

Tell them that you know for a fact who must have done it as you've seen a man/woman brazenly walking up to their property, almost every day, and actually putting things through their letterbox. Clearly a stalker up to no good and 100% certainly the perpetrator. It's very suspicious behaviour - even more suspicious than, erm, standing outside the front of your good friend's house minding your own business....

Cath2907 · 26/11/2018 16:03

Tell them to call the cops and their insurance company.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 26/11/2018 16:07

Are you even sure that the damage was actually caused? They could easily have talked themselves around to this viewpoint. I can imagine their possible thought processes:

  1. There are some people I don't recognise outside.
  2. I hope they don't do any damage to my car.
  3. If they did, I'd get very angry with my neighbour - their apparent friend.
  4. And I'd expect my neighbour to pay for the damage.
  5. Thankfully, they're harmless and haven't even looked at my car, much less damaged it.
  6. At least I don't have to approach my neighbour for money now.
  7. Hey, I could still go and ask for money anyway - she wouldn't know what did or didn't happen.
  8. Maybe my dodgy friends a couple of doors down will collude with me and we can then split the ill-gotten gains.
  9. Yes, she looks vulnerable and ripe for ripping off, but you'd need to be a nasty bully to think of doing that.
10. Hey, I'm a nasty bully - I'll try to gaslight her and score myself a few quid.

Either that or they did the damage themselves and don't care who pays for it as long as it isn't them.

eggncress · 26/11/2018 16:14

Don’t pay as no evidence but report to the police so it’s logged in case of future issues with them.

There should be no cameras aimed at your house either. Invasion of privacy .

whaaatthe · 26/11/2018 16:59

So I've knocked round the neighbour with the footage this afternoon, I asked what was on it and he said he seen my 2 friends walk over to the car then kick the wind mirror Shock so I then go right ok can I see this please because I'm going to the police about it all, he then says I can't see it right now because his wife has it and she's at work Hmmand then says he doesn't know for sure if they are captured on camera but he seen them outside my house because he was looking out the window and then seen them walk down the road which is when they got a taxi. He said he would take my number then let me know what's seen on the footage.

I've had a text of him and he said there's nothing on the cctv of them doing anything.

OP posts:
whaaatthe · 26/11/2018 17:00

He's text again saying to leave it all Hmm so it sounds like it's all bullshit!

OP posts:
WhoKnewBeefStew · 26/11/2018 17:05

Log it with 101 OP, Just in case the neighbours start to get aggressive or confrontational with you. It’ll be a quick painful telephone call to the police that will cover your back

NorthEndGal · 26/11/2018 17:07

Sounds like they just want money, any way they can get it

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