To think this is asking too much of my little one?

[StopTheSundayBlues]

Childminder has told me to change my son’s bedtime routine, can anyone advise if it’s okay for her to ask this?

I’ve recently returned to work and use to let my little one wake up naturally at about 9.30, sometimes he’d lay in later. But recently I’ve returned to work and he needs to be out of the door by 7.45am!

This is really impacting in a sense that he’s extremely cross and childminder is saying she’s having a difficult time in the mornings because she likes to go out to groups nice and early, but my son won’t play ball. Instead, he just wants to sleep on her. But that means she can’t get up and be ready to see to any other child she has there at the soft play etc. He’s inconsolable if he’s made to stay awake and play. It just isn’t working.

I’ve tried putting him to bed even earlier, and he will go if I feed him to sleep... But even if he’s in bed for 6.30ish in the evening, the same thing happens in the morning.

I feel really upset about it, I know he must be giving the childminder a hard time but I feel a lot of pressure to change it. But I can’t - I can’t think of anything else that might help. It’s hard enough trying to console him before he has to be whisked away

I just want to defend childminders a bit. I really can’t imagine any of those I see regularly not considering a baby’s sleep needs when planning their day. Some work with an assistant who stays with sleeping little ones while bigger kids go to groups, others facillitate naps in sling or buggies. But your CM is being very odd in my opinion.

He's 1 & loves his sleep?!!! Wow! I bet you woke up each day feeling a new woman! That's incredible. No advice though, surely you're doing everything you can.

Maybe let him sleep till you need to be out the door then let childminder dress him and give him his brekkie, so he gets a half hour in bed.

Or, a new CM that suits your DS' needs better.

Bless your poor boy. My daughter (2) is a late waker too - 10.30am this morning, and has never woken before 8.30am, even as a newborn. She has now dropped her last remaining nap, and wakes around 9am and bed sometime between 8-9pm.

I don’t know what to suggest for you as grandparents do childcare for me on my only two working days and they come to my house. I’m dreading preschool though!

The problem is your childminder isn’t thinking about how to help solve the issue. He could sleep in a buggy. Maybe speak to a new childminder!

@QueenDramaLlama but the childs 1.Not like they are 3 0r 4.At 1 they need a pushchair.And i say that as someonne as kids where normally out of a pushchair at about 2.But she has other kids.

If she wasnt able to facilitate it,just say no.

The problem is your childminder isn’t thinking about how to help solve the issue.

I agree with this, and this is what I was tying to say. She has asked you to change his bedtime routine which is already very good but doesn't seem to have proposed any solutions on her end, such as the simple option of a pushchair.

God when I read threads like this I count my lucky stars that we found an excellent nursery that bent over backwards to keep my babies happy.

Find new childcare.

Thank you for all the replies

We have just woken up at 9am together after me putting him down at 5.30pm (he fell asleep). I did feel extremely guilty last night and when we woke up, purely because I haven't stuck to the routine and got him up at 7 like I do on the weekdays. But, I'm just so tired from the working week (a few pesky health conditions of my own to boot), and clearly he is too.

I know letting him sleep in for bloody 15.5 hours is taking the biscuit but I really do think he needed it. He's come downstairs and he's a different boy to during the week - Happy 'mama' sounds, clapping, playing, eating his breakfast... Just lovely.

I have to step in at the childminders defence and say she is otherwise really lovely and I do trust her. I'm not sure why she won't take a pushchair, perhaps it's because both DS and the 20 month old are good walkers? But even so, either one could get very tired (evidently).

I will have a proper chat with her on Monday after work. I hope it is something we can sort out together and reach a solution. I have been told he is very happy in the afternoon, and loves the other older children and all the toys! Particularly kitchen stuff

What's his routine with you, when does he normally nap?

Maybe you just need to get him into a routine that is more compatible with the childminder - so sleep 7-7, active morning and then nap time 12-3.

Orlande He will nap after getting dressed after breakfast for half hour, usually at about 11am...

Play, eat lunch and then asleep for an hour or two at about 1/2pm.

Maybe another nap for a good hour if we are out and about (he goes off like a switch), but not usually if just at home, which was rare, since I was always out and about.

How much of the day is he actually awake?

I can see why the childminder is struggling as it is unusual for a toddler to be so tired. Sounds like you do need a proper discussion with her about how to meet his need for sleep - pushchair is the obvious thing.

If hes doing round about 7 - 7, what is it that she wants you to do?

Id personally find a new childminder.

The refusing to use a pushchair thing is ridiculous.

How much sleep does he normally have in a 24 hour period when he follows his routine with you at home?!

Queen Usually about 15 hours I'd say. 12 hours at night, and 3 hours worth of naps throughout the day.

That's a rough guide. Often he sleeps for longer, particularly at night.

It's just the mornings that are frustrating for childminder though

And how old is he?
12 months?
18 months?
Almost 2?

Queen He has just turned 1. He's always been the same, really

When mine was that age he slept 7pm until 6am.

He then napped from 9.00 until 10.30 and then again from 2pm until 3.15pm.

When he started with the childminder it was a nightmare at because he just wasn’t able to have either of those naps because they coincided with baby groups and school runs. I admit that his nap schedule was my biggest worry when it came to him starting with the childminder.

For the first few weeks she had to deal with a grizzly baby who would eventually pass out wherever they happened to be because he was so tired.

However, he eventually learnt to adapt and he would sleep from 12.30-2.30 whilst with her. She had a room upstairs with three cots in and after lunch she’d put all the little ones in a cot and they’d all just go to sleep.

He was only with the childminder two days a week so the other 5 days he stuck to his usual morning and afternoon naps.

That was with my first son, who is now four, but my youngest son has recently started with a childminder and he started going to her when he was 13 months old. She doesn’t have cots and my son basically just has to sleep in a pushchair when they’re out and about which I’m not overly keen about but it’s one of the negatives of choosing a childminder over a nursery.

My son is now 15 months old and also goes to the childminder two days a week. When he’s at home he sleeps 7pm-6am and then has a 2.5hr nap at about 10am.

You have my sympathies because nap times and schedules can be incredibly stressful.

I don't think you need to worry about the amount of sleep if he's alert and happy when awake (after he's had his desired amount of sleep) as long as growing, eating and meeting milestones normally. It sounds like he has quite minimal sleep in the day (about 2.5 hours max? Some 1 year olds will have 4 or 5 hours across 2 naps) so obviously saves it for night. Perhaps work on lengthening naps to make up for less sleep at night?

If childminder not amenable to longer naps then maybe try nursery instead?