To think this is asking too much of my little one?

[StopTheSundayBlues]

Childminder has told me to change my son’s bedtime routine, can anyone advise if it’s okay for her to ask this?

I’ve recently returned to work and use to let my little one wake up naturally at about 9.30, sometimes he’d lay in later. But recently I’ve returned to work and he needs to be out of the door by 7.45am!

This is really impacting in a sense that he’s extremely cross and childminder is saying she’s having a difficult time in the mornings because she likes to go out to groups nice and early, but my son won’t play ball. Instead, he just wants to sleep on her. But that means she can’t get up and be ready to see to any other child she has there at the soft play etc. He’s inconsolable if he’s made to stay awake and play. It just isn’t working.

I’ve tried putting him to bed even earlier, and he will go if I feed him to sleep... But even if he’s in bed for 6.30ish in the evening, the same thing happens in the morning.

I feel really upset about it, I know he must be giving the childminder a hard time but I feel a lot of pressure to change it. But I can’t - I can’t think of anything else that might help. It’s hard enough trying to console him before he has to be whisked away

Does he nap in the day?

I feel your pain! My 2 sleep from 7 till half 8-9. But they have to be up at 7 for nursery/school. They’ve been doing it for years but still Not used to it. They’re just not morning people. Can’t thibk where they get it from 🤔

You can always tell childminders by their arm & shoulder muscles because of pushing double buggies (I used to have very defined muscles :)) seriously why? does she drive everywhere - still doesn't make sense unless she doesn't own one? Double buggies as previously said are useful for tired toddlers & can carry stuff when picking up other dc from playgroup. Dc fall asleep on way back from school/nursery & what's stopping her going out? its called organisation! (excm of many years)

It sounds like childminders aren’t suitable for your son. All of them will need to go out and some stage of the day and they can’t do that with a child whose sleep routine doesn’t gel with that. Look at nurseries / pre-schools / daycares / some kind of ‘enclosed’ group care environment.

Cherries I agree that most childminders will be out and about. However, unlike the Ops childminder chances are they use a pushchair for 1 year old, which would mean a sleeping child doesn't stop them from going out and about.

@IceRebel - there would still be limited places in a pushchair. If there’s a childminder with younger kids than OP’s then they surely would take priority in them. It’s not fair on this child or the childminder to use one while they don’t have a sleep schedule that works for them.

A childmiñder who takes on a baby as a mindee needs to also take on board the needs of the baby as well as the older children. Most babies do need a couple of naps a day, and a pushchair or sling is pretty much a necessity . It sounds like the CM is being a bit unrealistic.

OP’s child is at least 1 years old. Even if OP finds another a childminder with babies, she’ll be faced with other demands such as ‘teach him how to walk’ etc, etc. The best thing all round is nursery or daycare until he’s a bit older.

The Op has already said hers is the youngest, the next eldest is 20 months. If the childminder has a problem with a 1 year old taking a nap in the morning; a very common occurrence at that age, then they shouldn't have offered a space. It's not fair to blame the child, or to ask the OP to change an already reasonable bedtime routine, when a simple solution could be reached by using a pushchair and letting the child sleep.

Bless him, he needs a morning nap. I'd find a more flexible child minder

I'm pregnant right now, and would like to place an order for one of these super sleeping babies

Seriously though, sounds like you need to have a discussion with the CM about her providing a buggy for him to snooze in if he's tired... or maybe start looking for a new CM who can accommodate.

Even if OP finds another a childminder with babies, she’ll be faced with other demands such as ‘teach him how to walk

That's nonsense. Why would a childminder demand that a parent teach a child to walk, children walk when they're ready it's not something you can demand happen.

The pushchair thing is batshit.

Find a normal new CM or a nice nursery where he can run around, sleep or sit in a pushchair!

It’s not unusual for young children to struggle with a change in routine, but it usually just takes a bit of time for them to adapt.

What is your relationship like with his childminder in general?

I’m in the minority, but I don’t actually think that it’s unreasonable for a childminder to be considering that the “cross” child she looks after needs more sleep.

She could be suggesting this for the well-being of your son, in addition to routine she has with her other mindees.

You say that he go to bed earlier now. Do you think he is getting enough sleep? The fact that he wants to sleep on his childminder might indicate that he is looking for comfort. Perhaps he could be struggling with the change in his routine where he no longer spends leisurely time in the mornings, or the evenings with you.

I suggest that you request a proper sit down with your sons childminder to see how you could work together to make this transition easier for your son. Maybe you could provide a snuggly blanket for him for home, and she could bring a pushchair for outings.

I don't think she's wrong to suggest it, exactly. But you have changed his evening routine. He's getting sleep, he just doesn't like mornings. Bit young for coffee (). I don't really see what else you can do. He may just need a bit more time to adjust to the new routine - it's a sort of jet lag, I suppose, and that can take months to get over properly. Have you told her you've already changed his routine and see if she has other suggestions?

I think your childminder is being v unreasonable. Lots of babies and toddlers still have a morning nap. He is going to bed at a normal time and clearly needs more sleep.

She needs to take a buggy or sling out with her. I go to loads of baby/toddler groups with the childminding crew local to us and they all take at least a single (often double or triple) buggy. She isn’t meeting his very reasonable need to sleep.

Oops- I meant to type - blanket from home, not for home! Obviously he would have blankets at your home 😂

Wtf? No push chair for a 1 year old or 20 month old! That's insane. My dd is 2 1/2 and i can't imagine a time when she won't demand to be pushed about. It's her favourite place to nap too.

I think ask your childminder to use a pushchair or find new childcare. My dd loves nursery and they can magically get her to nap on a mat!

I think go with a nursery too OP. My DS wakes a bit earlier than yours usually but he loves a long morning nap. If he's dragged out to groups or soft play when he'd rather be sleeping for a few days in a row he ends up chronically overtired and very upset and I think that's what's happening with your DS too. Nursery will let him sleep when he wants to sleep and won't overstimulate him with soft play etc when he's already over tired.

What they all said^^! How is this woman carting around at least 2 toddlers and all their kit?

I often see childminders with no pushchairs here. If they're only going to very local places I think it's a good thing really. Depends which side of 1 the child is on.
It could be a 2 minute walk to a local group or 10 minutes unfolding and strapping children in a buggy while they fight about who's going in and which one is walking.

your poor baby needs a morning nap. your childminder needs to facilitate this somehow. (no pushchair? wtf?!?) if she can't or won't find a nursery or child minder who will. many children still need 2 naps a day till 18 months and it's unreasonable to expect a small child, who is this tired, to fit into a rountine to suit others.

Queen, but not if a child is due a nap!

Would nursery be a better option? The one I’ve looked at have beds available in the baby room for naps and are happy to follow the same routine as you do at home. I know childminders tend to be cheaper but it doesn’t sound like this lady is going to put your child’s needs first, as she’s got children of different ages to look after.

She isn't being very accommodating 'not wanting to bring the buggy'. He's only tiny! Is she the right childminder?