To think this is asking too much of my little one?

[StopTheSundayBlues]

Childminder has told me to change my son’s bedtime routine, can anyone advise if it’s okay for her to ask this?

I’ve recently returned to work and use to let my little one wake up naturally at about 9.30, sometimes he’d lay in later. But recently I’ve returned to work and he needs to be out of the door by 7.45am!

This is really impacting in a sense that he’s extremely cross and childminder is saying she’s having a difficult time in the mornings because she likes to go out to groups nice and early, but my son won’t play ball. Instead, he just wants to sleep on her. But that means she can’t get up and be ready to see to any other child she has there at the soft play etc. He’s inconsolable if he’s made to stay awake and play. It just isn’t working.

I’ve tried putting him to bed even earlier, and he will go if I feed him to sleep... But even if he’s in bed for 6.30ish in the evening, the same thing happens in the morning.

I feel really upset about it, I know he must be giving the childminder a hard time but I feel a lot of pressure to change it. But I can’t - I can’t think of anything else that might help. It’s hard enough trying to console him before he has to be whisked away

She doesn't bring a pushchair for a 1 year old??

Is he walking or carried?

He's sleeping over 12 hours at night.

How can you change his routine?

She needs to get over her aversion to pushchairs.

She sounds like an inflexible childminder. Seriously, just get rid

I suppose, though, that it's up to her, really. If she doesn't want to bring pushchairs and his routine is making it impossible to discharge her duties to the other children in her care, then she either asks for some change that you feel comfortable doing or accepts that they're just not the right fit for each other and you find someone else who's better suited to what he needs at the moment.

Hmm. Like PP said this is in part why I preferred nursery to childminder.

Good grief! At one, two and even three years old one of my twins was still having a morning and an afternoon nap.

It sounds like your CM isn't used to very young children, or hasn't had one for a while so is working to older children likely only having an afternoon nap.

Honestly, if it doesn't work for you then I'd be looking at finding another cm. easier said than done I know but at that age, I think she's being unreasonable not to use a pushchair for him if it will save her the hassle and give all of you a happy baby.

The other children are all quite a bit older, the only other child closeish in age to DS is a 20 month old.

I'm not sure why she doesn't like pushchairs. I dare not suggest a sling

He has always been a bit OTT with sleep from birth. To put it bluntly, I woke up after an 8 hour sleep in the hospital ward, thinking he wasn't breathing. He was... snoring

I have expressed my concerns to health processionals and all just send me on my way.

The worse we're the health care team when I was a worried new mum. All he did was sleep. Literally. They just told me to count my lucky stars. Which I did, the sleep was lovely eventually, when I stopped worrying.

Flip side is having a pre teen at 1 years old who thinks they're the most hard done by human on the planet if they're woken up to go out

Hmmm I was full of sympathy for your childminder until the no pushchair thing. My childminder walks everywhere with a double buggy. It's how she carries everything! Even if she only has one buggy aged child she still takes it in case an older one gets tired. If your child is only one presumably she's driving everywhere, she needs to chuck an umbrella stroller in the boot and let him nap. You're trying your best but clearly he needs more sleep than you can get him at the moment. It won't be forever.

What exactly is it your childminder wants you to do? If you're working it would be hard to get him down any earlier than 6.30 with dinner and bed routines.

I don't think she's being unreasonable in not wanting to have a baby sleep on her in the morning when she has other kids to watch, but she should be working with you constructively to find a solution, such as an extra nap or pram nap, not just laying it all on you. I don't think she should be taking on young babies if she doesn't use prams at all.

I'd agree checking out there's no health issue might be an idea, some LOs just sleep more than others but no harm in making sure.

Yes, I think you need to find a new childminder! It’s been a while since my dd was a baby but if I remember correctly she used to wake at about 6.30 but then have a morning nap.

I understand the routine is a bit awkward for her but if she doesn't want to deal with pushchairs, she shouldn't take on babies/ toddlers.

How does a child minder manage to take a 1 year old, a 20 month old and others out without a pushchair? She's being ridiculous over that but the fact he won't comply in the mornings must be very annoying for her. 13-13.5 hours sleep is ridiculous. He shouldn't still be grumpy and tired.

The no pushchairs is barmy, and she's making this much harder than it needs to be

You can't really change his bedtime routine any more than you already have, she on the other hand could use a cheap stroller to allow him the sleep he needs.

I don't understand how she takes 2 under 2s out without a buggy. I'd dump her and find someone else or try a nursery.

You have a CM problem, not a sleeping baby problem. Honestly, start looking for someone who suits your needs better.

My own children were all at differing ages so some would be doing morning groups while the twins had their morning nap in the pushchair. It's not hard! If anything, the napping child makes things so much easier.

Get a new child minder op. She's nits not using a pushchair with a 1 year old. How far us she making him trundle around every day?! Also I would see your doctor about baby's sleep because that is a serious amount for a 1 year old xx

So is the problem that he needs a morning nap and she goes out in the morning?

Does he have 1 or 2 naps?

I can't see how it's safe to have an ambulatory 20 month old and some other preschool children plus your baby whom she carries.

It would be far safer to be out and about with your baby in a stroller, so she could have reins or a hand for the next older child.

It's actually bonkers not to want a stroller, the more I think about it.

Hes 1 and unless hes a child prodigy,how the fuck would she not use a buggy.Kids get tired.What does she do,use reins for the whole lot.Thats just weird.

It's actually made me rather cross that she is trying to change your DS bedtime routine, claimed he's not wanting to play ball and getting frustrated that he wants to sleep on her. When in reality his bedtime routine is fine, as is him wanting a sleep. It's her with the problem, as if she has a pushchair she could get out early like she wants to and accommodate your DS wanting to sleep.

She may be taking them in a car. She could though bring a little buggy and pop him in it. It doesn't sound as if you can give him any more sleep at home. A nursery might be more flexible.

I'm a childminder and move children onto my routine once they are down to one nap a day - they nap after lunch.

I'd try a nursery. A good baby room works to the baby's routine as much as possible. Your baby probably wouldn't be the only one still having a morning nap.

When I worked in a nursery we all loved the 'will only sleep on someone' babies - good excuse for a rest! (they all slept in cots/on mats eventually)

I don't understand why the childminder isn't just plonking him in the pushchair with his dummy for a nap when he's tired?! That's what mine did.

I'd be wary of a childminder who doesn't take a pushchair when out and about. Surely it's safer to have somewhere to tether the small ones down with when they're a flight risk?!

My DSs nursery let children nap whenever they need to. My nephew has been known to have two hour naps there at 8.30am.