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AIBU?

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Original poster

To be sad friend has gone out with another friend?

61 replies

beerandwine · 24/11/2018 13:42

Both 33 been friends since 15,closest friend.
I haven't seen her since jun and she only lives 5 mins away.
She has 3 days off a week but spends them with her husband as she feels guilty leaving him alone.
We talk on the phone daily and text every day.
She rings me (just incase you think I'm clingy Grin)
Today she calls me 10 am saying she was off shopping with (friends name ) and she hasn't seen her for 3 years.
I've been trying to organise a day out for months and it never happens yet here she is going out with this girl.
Yesterday she also went shopping with her sister.
So basically she can leave her husband yesterday and today but we haven't seen each other for June.
We both love to shop yet she doesn't invite me.
Feeling a bit sad.

OP posts:
WeirdHandDryers · 24/11/2018 13:44

She’s allowed to have other friends. Maybe you should make some new friends so you’re not so reliant on her?

Sohardtochooseausername · 24/11/2018 13:50

I know it can be really hard when a friend does this - and the hard truth might be that she doesn’t see your friendship the same way as you. I’m not being mean, this has happened to me.

The best way to deal with this is to do other things. Start a new hobby, ask some other people to go shopping with you, go to a sports class... Be so busy and interesting she wishes she could hang out with you - or at least busy and interesting enough that it doesn’t bother you that she’s got other things to do.

spotsoddsocks · 24/11/2018 13:51

What wierdhand said, she's allowed to have other friends. Your complaining you haven't seen her since June and want to make plans yet she hasn't seen this friend for 3 years and your upset they made plans.
You also sound like your a bit put out by the fact she wants to spend her days off with her husband Hmm I might be being a bit harsh but your coming off as a bit needy.

ChasedByBees · 24/11/2018 13:52

Maybe pull back a little, it sounds like you’re taken for granted a bit. She is allowed other friends of course but she’s not making time for you.

Original poster
beerandwine · 24/11/2018 13:55

She spends every day with her husband and is terrified of upsetting him...it's not healthy at all.
I do feel took for granted,she makes zero effort but I'm expected to just be around whenever.
May time she called saying her husband said it was ok for her to meet me for a hour in town,I went in town and waited and waited then she called saying he had came to town with her so couldn't meet me.

OP posts:
WeirdHandDryers · 24/11/2018 13:56

I had a friend like this once, turned out she wasn’t a friend at all, she was a user. Bin her off and make new friends.

Carpetglasssofa · 24/11/2018 13:56

Sorry, OP, but I do think you're clingy. It is beyond unreasonable to be upset because a woman went shopping with her sister.

Maybe talking to you every day makes her feel like she doesn't need to go shopping with you as well.

As pp said, maybe try to sudden your circle a bit.

Birdsgottafly · 24/11/2018 13:57

I agree that your being taken for granted.

Do you get on with the other Friend and enjoy the same shops as her? If so, she could have included you

The three year one, is understandable, she wanted a proper catchup.

mummyhaschangedhername · 24/11/2018 13:57

If you speak so often then she probably doesn't feel the need to catch up with you.

Also, you never know how things have worked out. Maybe she ended up sayings he was going into town and someone else said they were too and they decide to go together. Maybe she wanted to get something for you, perhaps you insist on going to certain shops or coffee shops and she wanted to go somewhere else maybe you don't drive and she didn't want to pick you up as she wasted to be more flexible .. there could be a million reasons but equally, I enjoy meeting up with people I don't see as often.

Don't over think it. Do you have other friends?

Carpetglasssofa · 24/11/2018 13:57

she makes zero effort

You said she rings you every day.

Original poster
beerandwine · 24/11/2018 13:57

How am I clingy ?
We haven't seen each other since summer,she bangs on she can't see me because she can't leave her husband yet goes out with her sister and this girl.
Don't think it's wrong to be slightly annoyed.

OP posts:
Birdsgottafly · 24/11/2018 13:58

Not friend, Sister. Perhaps they had family presents to get and didn't want a third wheel.

Carpetglasssofa · 24/11/2018 13:58

Seriously, stop being jealous of her going shopping one time with her sister. It sounds mad.

Original poster
beerandwine · 24/11/2018 13:58

Ringing isn't the same as meeting in person.
I have other friends yes but I still miss her.

OP posts:
Carpetglasssofa · 24/11/2018 14:00

If she's repeatedly turned down invitations from you but had accepted them from others then it might be time to consider that she sees the friendship differently to you.

Feelings · 24/11/2018 14:01

You text each other every day how is she not making an effort! Jesus Christ I don't text even my best of friends every day. No wonder she doesn't wanna see you, you sound overwhelming and high maintenance.

wisewomanmummy · 24/11/2018 14:01

Maybe her husband doesn't like you and so doesn't want her to see you.

BarefootHippieChick · 24/11/2018 14:02

she called saying her husband said it was ok for her to meet me for a hour in town,I went in town and waited and waited then she called saying he had came to town with her so couldn't meet me.

Her husband sounds weird and clingy as fuck, quite frankly. Do you have other friends? I think you need them.

BaitandSwitch · 24/11/2018 14:03

Oh dear, I've been there. You are in a bind - either you accept things as they are (and as she rings you she clearly values your company) or you try and talk to her about it. But beware, confronting the issue has never worked for me as the friend will just think you're being clingy and demanding. I'm sorry this is not really an answer - not all dilemmas regarding relationships have answers which I guess is just life. As per others here, I would say put your focus into your other friendships or making new ones, and accept your relationship with this special friend is not quite as special as it was.

Hellywelly10 · 24/11/2018 14:05

I would back off a bit op. Call her a bit less and try not to be envious of her other relationships.

Crunchymum · 24/11/2018 14:06

None of it sounds healthy.

Main issues:

  1. your anger towards her
  2. the amount of contact you have but you are still insistent she doesn't make an effort.
  3. her husband [he sounds dodgy as fuck]

It doesn't sound like you are enjoying the friendship.

A580Hojas · 24/11/2018 14:08

I'm not sure I understand the problem here. You speak to and text your friend every day. She's gone out for the day with another friend! It isn't a crime. I find your post really odd.

Original poster
beerandwine · 24/11/2018 14:08

I don't now what's odd about my post.
I've explained what I'm bothered about.

OP posts:
Original poster
beerandwine · 24/11/2018 14:09

*know

OP posts:
TacoLover · 24/11/2018 14:10

Your friend hasn't seen this woman for 3 years and you're upset she's going out with her instead of you, who she talks to every single day? God, people can be so self absorbedConfused

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