To be upset with my friend

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

I am sick again. Another sore throat, cough, headache. Literally just got over one that was awful and now not even a week later I have another.

On Wednesday we went to a friends house and she never mentions if her children are unwell. So ds and I go round for dinner and there are her 3 children wondering around the house, coughing everywhere not using their hands, complaining of sore throats and general low mood. Age range 4-8.

This friend has form for not mentioning if they are unwell and now I and ds are unwell, I have to talk for my job (teach online) and it hurts. My birthday is Tuesday and I am so annoyed she again didn't even mention it so I could choose not to go round. Dp says it's selfish of her as she just wants us to go and won't mention they're unwell.

I get it's "just" a cold. But I feel awful.

Is mentioning this to her worthwhile? I've said before we won't visit if they're unwell and will rearrange but it just never gets mentioned!

Maybe I shouldn't day anything... So fed up of it

i think it was selfish of your friend not to mention everyone was ill. I had similar with a friend who didn't tell me her daughter had d&v... She mentioned after we had seen her and my son had come down with it. I know you can't always say for sure it was caught from them but it is very inconsiderate.

You could have left?

But yes I agree you should have been warned so that the choice to visit was yours.

To be honest at this time of year probably all year if I'm honest I'm not sure I would think to mention I had a bit if a cough/cold unless I was ill enough to be off work/school for the kids or I knew my friend had issues with her/her kids immune system.

Cough and cold bugs are everywhere at the moment you could just as easily pick it up at the shops as at a friends house.

I’m not sure a cold is one you definitely have to mention. D and V would have been different. This time of year, everyone has a cold.

I think if you are that susceptible to illness at the moment, you should limit going out in public.

I agree OP, I’m a professional voice user and have neutropenia (low white cell count) and other health problems and I hate this “its only a cold FFS!” attitude. It’s not only a cold for many of us and it’s downright selfish and rude not to mention beforehand that you are ill before meeting up with someone. Your friend should have said something.

I will normally pre warn people if we have bad colds and especially D&V even if over it but still in the 48 hr period. I probably wouldn’t warn for sniffles and small colds but I guess my definition of a bad cold may be different from others... it’s a tricky one. Assuming none of you are immune compromised her opinion may have been it’s just a cold.

I’m not sure mentioning it again will change anything. Could you arrange to meet outdoors so not in confined spaces?

Also I forgot to add. . Her husband was in bed at the time of visiting because it's that bad!! He didn't come down for the duration... So not a small cold. I've already had to take one week off work because of one cold and I can't afford to lose another. Being unable to speak and trying to teach is impossible

Agree with PP, especially the d & v. With 3dc, odds of all being well at same time remote. If you have health concerns that leave you vulnerable, avoid going out, germs are everywhere, not just at your friends house!

People should mention it, it's a decent thing to do. I always mention if there is illness in the house to give people a choice. Colds are easy to pick up yes but to deliberately let someone to walk into a virus infected house is something else.

Urgh a house full of cold would have put me off eating dinner at her house

I probably wouldn’t warn for sniffles and small colds but I guess my definition of a bad cold may be different from others

Because you think colds are no big deal means everyone else does? even my work colleagues tell me they're Ill when they see me.

Giraffe,

A friend of mine had had the poxy Norovirus and didn’t tell me.
I usually have a cast iron constitution, but i ended up catching the damn thing.

I’m just glad my son (who was about 4 at the time) didn’t catch it...I would’ve given her a proper bollocking for being so thoughtless.

My eldest even though better now every time she got a cold she would end up with a viral wheeze. We're talking about low SATs and need for steroids. On two occasions A&E. Now she doesn't get a wheeze but still struggles with a cold.

It's a couple of sleepless nights for us at least with each cold.

My friend came round yesterday - spending most of her time on her phone while I looked after her snotty toddler who was walking around spreading snot everywhere. Now I know my eldest will have another cold. And we'll have another tough week.

Next week I will say to her please don't bring your toddler with a cold cos we're having a tough time of it with colds. I know my eldest could be exposed anywhere but just to limit the impact on her because she ends up missing her activities.

Yes there are colds everywhere.... suposedly..but being in someone's home or someone coming to you, where they are snot monsters and spreading it all over the shop, it's not on to at least mention it

Well if she's got form for it and you're particularly susceptible, just ring check every time before you go round?

YANBU

yes tell her and if she does it again walk straight out.

I think get in the habit of asking her on the day before you go - you know her so you'll know if she's being truthful or playing down any issues and then if they're sick, breezily say "ok well I'll give our visit a miss then hope they're better soon"

As an aside, given time of year and your job (which I'd love to know more about if poss - as I think it's the thing I'm hoping to start doing next year) boost your immune system with plenty of fruit & veg, echinacea, vitamin d & vitamin e. Dietary sources are best but supplements better than nothing.

I'm asthmatic with reduced lung function it's never "just a cold" for me. Dd also asthmatic

@graphista I teach English through Skype,

See I think she'll fond it rude me asking and I'm going to send her a message, it's so infuriating. I have actually in the last week started taking supplements, just hope it helps

My DD has a fairly constant cold due to it being her first year in childcare and I often have one from her so it’s become so normal to me I don’t think to mention it unless someone has a baby. I’d prefer a friend to mention it to me and I’d be sorry they were upset and make sure I mentioned in future

How on earth did we humans get through world wars when even suffering a cold sends us into hysterics.

What has happened to us??