To be upset with my friend

[Lovethetimeyouhave]

I am sick again. Another sore throat, cough, headache. Literally just got over one that was awful and now not even a week later I have another.

On Wednesday we went to a friends house and she never mentions if her children are unwell. So ds and I go round for dinner and there are her 3 children wondering around the house, coughing everywhere not using their hands, complaining of sore throats and general low mood. Age range 4-8.

This friend has form for not mentioning if they are unwell and now I and ds are unwell, I have to talk for my job (teach online) and it hurts. My birthday is Tuesday and I am so annoyed she again didn't even mention it so I could choose not to go round. Dp says it's selfish of her as she just wants us to go and won't mention they're unwell.

I get it's "just" a cold. But I feel awful.

Is mentioning this to her worthwhile? I've said before we won't visit if they're unwell and will rearrange but it just never gets mentioned!

But how an you be certain that you caught it at that point? Coughs, colds and bugs are everywhere at this time of year. The only time I would advise a visitor that I had a cold would be if I knew that they had a compromised immune system, for whatever reason.

Also agree with bellabonkers on this

I would definitely say something, my DS was hospitalised after a couple of play dates where the mother didn't mention her DS was unwell (I could hear/see him coughing the second time but stupidly assumed common cold and thought if we caught it we could just self medicate, even bought calpol on the way home as a precaution!) I only found out about her DS illness when I told her what had happened with mine. 'Oh X had that last week!' As if she was proud of it and proud of passing it on to my DS. I don't socialise with her or her DS anymore because I can't trust her now.

Wow..so now if your child catches an illness from someone they are deemed to be untrustworthy.
I repeat.. HYSTERICAL

I have a friend that does this. They even admitted once that they didn't tell me they were ill because they knew I'd cancel.

It really pisses me off, keep your germs to yourself!

I stopped going around to peoples houses that do this. My ds has an illness that makes a cold, way more than a cold. I don't care if it means I've had to pull back the friendships. I'm quite frankly sick of it. Even after telling people they still do it.

My DH's best friend had a partner who had just gone through some tough cancer treatment and was in remission but it left her body vulnerable. She caught "just a cold". She died very suddenly as a direct result and left him with their newborn to raise alone.

You warn people if you are an even remotely considerate person because you do not know whether they have a compromised immune system.

Your friend was selfish not to tell you.

Tefl? That's what I'm hoping to do

I know there's a lot of viruses at this time of year but I still think it's polite and considerate to make others aware. My friends/family and I all do this.

Definitely should have said something, being ill sucks and can take a week/weeks to get over. All for just dinner!

Bellabonkers - never heard of "you'll catch your death of cold" or the Spanish flu epidemic? Which killed more people than died in ww1? Indeed there's stats mix ups where deaths attributed to ww1 factors were probably Spanish flu.

Colds & flu always have and continue to kill those with reduced immune systems.

My sister does this when her and her kids are ill. Everyone now approaches them with extreme caution. The worst time was when one of them had had d&v Christmas Day night and they happily spread their germs round the whole family on Boxing Day inc a baby, several elderly people and 2 undergoing cancer treatment

A reduced immune system is completely different. My point was in usual circumstances we humans we humans are designed to cope with illness.
But on mumsnet it all has to be extreme circumstances...

Why would you even want visitors if you were full of cold / tummy bugs? I think it's kinder and more thoughtful to warn your friends that you or the kids aren't 100% well before a visit, but personally I'd be the one cancelling if we were feeling under par.

No one I know would mention that their child had a minor illness like a cough or cold. I just went to my son's weekly swimming class and almost all the kids were coughing and spluttering.

I would certainly mention D&V or flu or something serious enough to keep a child in bed (and I would cancel if friends were coming round).

Obviously the exception would be if there was a newborn baby, or particularly vulnerable person involved in which case I would definitely expect every cough and cold to be warned of in advance.

This time of year, everyone has a cold

Really, Purple? I don't know anyone with a cold at the moment.

There are loads of colds about. I have had two in a row and been ill for a month. Really fed up with it now.

Gamer chick where did I say that? I just stated that I probably wouldn’t mention if we had slight colds. If I knew any of my friends had issues with any degree of illness I would make an effort to mention it to them but I probably wouldn’t unless they mentioned not wanting to come near colds. I also don’t expect friends to mention just sniffles to me, a full on cold maybe

I would mention it to anyone who was just getting over a bad cold - they're obviously going to be more succeptible to another one while their immune system is low.

People can be incredibly selfish. My youngest spent new year in hospital last year after someone brought their child to a christmas event with d&v and didn't say until the child puked everywhere. Their defence was that the child would have been "so upset" to miss it. Was tempted to take a video of my DD being pinned down to get cannulas in to show her what "so upset" actually is. It enrages me that peope are so selfish with the health of others.

Really, Purple? I don't know anyone with a cold at the moment.

lol then you're very unusual! I can guarantee that there are many kids in class at the moment with a cold. The fact is that you can't avoid it, people in the supermarket, kids at school, on the bus. There are going to be colds anywhere. It's just a fact of life at this time of year. No one is going to quarrantine themselves away for a cough or cold.

D&V or very bad bugs are obviously different.

Is it really the done thing these days to warn guests you have something minor like a cold?

Really, Purple? I don't know anyone with a cold at the moment.

You are very lucky. Half my class at school have colds. Almost all the staff do.

@SnuggyBuggy I think it's polite to. I wouldn't choose to spend time with someone with a cold. For a start, I don't get sick pay and am studying so a heavy cold can really mess me up.

With 3 kids in the winter I'd assume that at least one of them would have a cold at any time.

Unless you'vé got a suppressed immune system, are pregnant or have a newborn or its something more serious than a cold, I wouldn't really expect to be told.

But it's also fine to say you've been suffering a lot with colds recently and could she tell you if anyone is ill before you go round

It's certainly never occurred to me to warn people