"Should be fine" is not "yes". AIBU to want a concrete answer?

[Flappypants]

My narc EA STBXH is and has always been very evasive and hard to pin down. I realise thanks to you lovely MNers that it is a way to control and gaslight me more effectively and I won't have it any more.

I needed to hand DD age 2 over an hour early today as I have a hospital appointment and I dropped him a text to confirm and the attached exchange is his response. It's the second time this week that he has done this "Should be" thing and I think it's too vague.

He has tried and failed to have me declared insane, failed to convince cafcass that I am unfit, failed to use my DS as a conduit for his abuse and is now using DD (he's also stopped getting his solicitor to send me stroppy letters to frighten me) who he, for the 5th time in ten days or so, says has nappy rash. She doesn't. I took her to the doctor yesterday to make doubly sure a) I wasn't going mad and I haven't missed something and b) to check she is ok and suffice it to say there is absolutely nothing wrong with her bottom or fandango. The Twat.

Anyway, AIBU to want a simple yes or fucking no, or am I a pedant?

No, you ANBU. He's doing it on purpose.

Yanbu!

Fucks me off when people say that!

... is used to indicate that a word/s has been left out.

He’s a twat. He’s setting up arguments by being vague “should be fine” and ... meaning there’s more he hasn’t said. He should have put “ yes that’s fine”.

Don’t fall into the trap. I wouldn’t reply.

Definitely Yanbu
That must be so frustrating for you.

Urgh god what an arse. YANBU OP

You come across very aggressive in your message to him and this op. I'd read what he said as if he doesn't know what to say and is a bit like wtf has he done for you to send one aggressive message unprovoked

I could be a grammar Twat and tell him what the conditional tense is for. He thrives on making me feel small and shamed, telling me off for my misdemeanour. I wa perfectly polite. I haven't responded and won't, though there is am awful lot I want to write to him.

The op hasn't been aggressive at all in her messages!

What a controlling and gas lighting twat. I’ve found the only successful way to deal with people like this is to never let them see their words have got to you. So a breezy ‘that’s great’ from you to his original statement would work as you wouldn’t be fuelling him. I do, however, realise life isn’t always this straight forward particularly with your dad being so young

Potato this is a man who abused me for ten years.

Send back to his comments "that should be fine..."

Have I missed something Potato? Where’s the aggression ?

Aggressive?! Not in the least.

And the "should be" thing fucks me right off. My husband does it a lot and I hate it.

OP - sounds like you've already decided that his response is provocative and your reaction is reasonable. You may be correct, I have no way of being able to weigh your past with this person.

Taking the WhatsApp in total isolation - his response is just a yes in my book. I don't always give Yes or No explicitly, as there are people in my life who took yes to mean yes even in the event of a nuclear disaster; so it adds to my anxiety levels if there is a slender chance of a problem.

If he is indeed narc, it's probably also about trying to maintain an element of control.

So if he doesn't turn up, he can say that he didn't confirm but still leaving you to think about it and maybe wonder if he will turn up.

Is he generally flaky with arrangements?

@potato - I wouldn't agree with aggressive, but the last 2 are hugely snippy / passive-aggressive. They are a demand that the other person (whom is no longer in a relationship with you) is mandated to answer all questions in a way that suits the asker.

I would stop communication with him.

He can pick up/drop child back at same time every week. Rain or shine. And if you HAVE to be somewhere, someone else can pick up your DC. Just stop communicating with him and giving him the satisfaction.

OP he is still controlling you. Put an end to this for good.

Yes he’s being a dick but try and not let it get to you.

Reply with a breezy, great see you at 2.

Aren't the last two the XH?

Yes the last two are the ex.

Ignore my 2nd post, just realised it was him speaking.

He's a dick. Nothing else to be said.

What a c*nt. I would say “I am not interested in having a conversation and don’t have time for ambiguous answers. I want clear, Yes/no replies in the future to avoid misunderstandings”.

I also answer with should be fine. So does my dh. I do get why you need a definite yes or no as you have a history with him.

I don't think you were aggressive in your message at all OP. YANBU.

I don’t have any advice really but YANB and my ex is like that. Its so hard to deal with.