How would you have handled this situation - dd and theatre tickets

[twosoups1972]

The ONLY thing dd has asked for for Christmas is tickets to a West End musical. This musical closes this Saturday so it would have been an early Christmas present.

Dd reminded me about this a few times in the last few months but I don't know where the time went, I was busy with other things and Christmas seemed ages away. I forgot about it.

We both realised this week that it closes soon and I needed to get tickets. Spent hours yesterday online with no success - all sold out. Then late yesterday afternoon I saw a pair of tickets available for the Sat Mat which I grabbed. They were expensive (top price) but as dd really wanted to go I was happy to pay. The only slight doubt I had was that dd has a drama class on Saturday afternoons which she would have to miss and she has an exam coming up soon. However I thought she said her pieces were going well and she was ready.

So yesterday I told her the news and although initially she was thrilled, she was very worried about missing her class. She's doing a duologue with another girl who wouldn't be too happy about dd missing one of the last rehearsals.

There was a horrible atmosphere at home yesterday, dd was moody and sulky with the odd sarcastic comment thrown in for good measure. I was quite pissed off especially as I had spent time getting these tickets.

However last night dd came down and said her piece - she said she really is grateful but worried about missing her class. Also, she said it was the only thing she had asked for and me forgetting about it made her feel quite low priority. And she said that as she's been so stressed with schoolwork (Year 11 with mocks in Jan), small things have been getting to her more than normal.

I do feel bad about leaving it so late, had I have been more organised, there would have been a better range of tickets available and on a more convenient date.

I've spoken to the theatre - the only way we could possibly change them is bringing the mat tickets in to see if they can resell them (quite likely I imagine) and seeing if we can get day tickets or return tickets for Sat evening (possible but would involve getting to the theatre early Sat morning).

Thoughts please?

If it's any consolation, I have a daughter the same age, and I have been feeling that I have been letting her down lately by not chasing up stuff that's important to or for her, too. Sometimes life gets in the way and we just have to do what we can to catch up.

There was a horrible atmosphere at home yesterday, dd was moody and sulky with the odd sarcastic comment thrown in for good measure. I was quite pissed off especially as I had spent time getting these tickets

I think this is really unfair. You say yourself that if you'd bought tickets when she first asked you could have avoided the conflict. Your DD sounds like she's been put in a really uncomfortable position where she can only have the present she wants by choosing to let someone else down and she rightly feels upset about that. The conversation she had with you was a more mature way of addressing it than many adults would manage.

She also feels like she hasn't been a priority to you and she's right. Unless there are major extenuating circumstances that you're about to dripfeed (like a serious illness in the family) I think you owe her a huge apology and to do everything you can to fix it.

You are not a bad mum and I think the low priority comment was manipulative to be honest. You did your best have plenty of other more important things in life like earning money, feeding your family etc. that push theatre tickets to the back of your mind! Christmas is a month away anyway so no wonder it wasn't top of your list.

Regarding the tickets I think you should either go if you can sort something out with the drama or just sell them and hope the play comes out again.

Just because you give an idea for a Christmas present it doesn't mean it is your right to receive it.

aww I think your daughter is really lovely.youve raised a good un there if this is how she is all the time.
I think there is a few things.one go to her talk to her about her school work or down time,is there anything you can do to help anything to do to take her stress away.the fact shes come to you with this and its impacting her mood(which of course it will )might be a way of her reaching out somewhat too.or at least acknowledge the situation shes in.which will reassure her more of you listening and being aware of how she is.because it sounds like she doesn't think you might be at the moment.or needs a bit more anyway.
then talk about the show.tell her you have fucked up(own it for her) and say your sorry and what does she want to do.is there anyway she can add an extra practice in.any way of getting some extra time with the teacher?reasure her you think shes doing great so Saturday might eb a great time out but id also listen if doing it will just tip her over the edge of pressure.is there another show or something else you could sit and sort out right now together so its fixed.or wait til next year?
if shes sat there feeling sick because she doesn't feel ready for exam and should be elsewhwre it wont be enjorable.
has the theatre or show got a fb page?could you ask on there.

Did she make it clear that the tickets would have to be purchased by a certain date? I would not have started buying presents before now-ish, so it would have got past me too.

It sounds like these are the tickets you have. Depending on cash could you pay the drama teacher to do a private session with dd and partner, as a catch up and sorry? Because I don’t blame her for feeling like that. And your initial reaction was way off - I was quite pissed off especially as I had spent time getting these tickets.. Actually you spent weeks doing everything but getting them. Not hard to do but can see where she is coming from!

p.s your not a bad mum(I don't think lol ) we all fuck up.its not right but it happens.you just have to handle it rightly now.
even if your there for her and being the best mum and putting her first,this is just how shes feeling inside at the momrnt a much as anything.shes feeling stressed,tired and insecure and probably we always just want our mums to be able to fix it.and you can and she got to take all these big steps on her own so will be scared and venting.this little thing probably then just pushed her over the "someone help me my brains going to explode" limit.

Great that she can articulate this so well. Mine would have just stropped about and not verbalised it properly at all.

You know sometimes stuff happens we as parents forget your dd has to choose dramagroup or the play you forgot she is dissapointed n o child withered away from dissapointment. This happened to me dd wanted to see Warhorse i stupidly left it too late she survived

"Also, she said it was the only thing she had asked for and me forgetting about it made her feel quite low priority. "

I'm assuming that that also applies to her dad??

Yes you're right, it is my fault. I am usually on the ball for these sorts of things.

When I said I was pissed off - I was just disappointed at her reaction. I did think about the drama lesson, but when dd came out of drama last week she was very positive about her pieces and I understood that to mean they were exam ready.

Indeed diddl Also i wouldn't have put up with her low priority over dramatic comment either.

Well you put it to her drama or the play it really is her choice she could meet up /skype the other girl and do the duolougues instead.

Also, it may have been "the only thing"-doesn't mean that she has an automatic right to get it, does it?

Dear god what a load of nonsense. You have the tickets and she can go to the show. She can rehearse later for the drama group, it's not the end of the world. Parents are not infallible. And how do you know that if you tried earlier you would have got better tickets? I've tried for many shows on the day of release and still been unable to get the tickets I wanted.

Tell her it's her choice, use these tickets or not but no moaning about having to wait for the tour if she chooses the drama session.

I think you can acknowledge her frustration, apologise fir it seeming low priority but also lint out that you HAVE got tickets, in time, for the final week, and whilst it might not be the most convenient option, it’s still going to be great, so how can you support her with rearranging the drama commitment?

Don’t faff around staking out the theatre. She has tickets to the show she wants to see if she chooses to use them. If not, tell her you’ll sell them on & she must let you know the moment a tour is announced so you can book.

I think a bit of perspective is called for. She asked for a specific gift. You have managed to get exactly that gift. If you had tried to buy tickets two weeks ago there probably wouldn't have been another better choice of date as the show is closing this weekend. Far nicer to have a lovely Saturday out than be fretting about a late night & homework on a school day with mocks looming.

I appreciate the practice with friend is quite important but given it is a professional performance you are going to see I think friend will understand. As you've said they can meet up some other time so the opportunity to practice is not completely lost. DS plays sport and sometimes friends miss weekend matches to go and see an international fixture.

Don’t be so hard on yourself, as an early Christmas present it’s not surprising it got forgotten as most people aren’t in Christmas mode yet! If she really doesn’t want to miss it, they are releasing an album of all of the songs, and Carrie is touring with War of the Worlds next year (although she isn’t a main part in it); not ideal but thoughtful?

That was meant to read if she didn’t want to miss her drama lesson- although the matinee tickets will be fab, and a lovely day out. I would have been more than happy with that!

I really do understand how you're in this position... but I do think DD has the right to feel miserable.

She's trying to be responsible and meet her obligations. You can't rehearse a duologue by skype, ffs to an earlier poster. She doesn't want to let anyone down, but she also doesn't want to let you down by being 'ungrateful' - and she does want to see the show. There is not a win-win situation here and she knows it.

If your daughter works this hard on drama and has literally only requested Heathers tickets then I'd say you are at least a bit of a 'theatre mum' insofar as you understand the commitment involved with theatre and drama, and the love and passion it inspires. Seeing another cast at a local theatre on the tour won't be the same. It just won't. It would be 'nice' but not the same.

Everyone makes mistakes though and you are doing absolutely the right thing trying to sort it all out and not just saying 'well that's what you have got so just deal with it'.

Your Dd sounds quite manipulative not that that is rare for kids her age to do tgatbut you know she is old enough to take responsibility for her own sucessand failings she is not going to fail 1 exam because she missed a drama group on a saturday she just isn't. I mean this kindly but why are you letting her manipulate you like that ?

Of course she can my Dd was a drama student for 3 years sometimes she took conference calls on messanger to rehearse duologues I don't usually make suggestions if I don't understand what I am on about and I don't appreciate forfuckssake.

What about if you offered both tickets to DD so she could see if her duologue partner wanted to go with her?

I think those saying the OP's DD is being entitled over her Christmas present don't have enough info to judge. If she was asked what she wanted and in previous years that's how it's worked in OP's house then I don't think she's being unreasonable to be disappointed.

I don't know why some posters are giving you a hard time OP. I'm sure we've all asked for things and our parents got it wrong in one way or another.
You're doing your best to rectify things and I really think the best course is to talk with the drama teacher and the other girl and see if you can sort something out regarding rearranging their rehearsal. These things happen. In the greater scheme of things it's not a huge big deal, and there's various options you can pursue.