In being so so fucking angry? (Miscarriage.)

[gotmybigbootson]

Just had my 9th miscarriage.

I want to punch someone. I'm so so fucking sick of it. Nobody even cares anymore. DH tries to care but he's over it and numb I think.

My family I don't tell anymore.

My doctors seem to be complacent and 'oh well'.

I know, there's nothing to be done. I'm just sad, furious and done with it. I can't try again.

I want to break something. I want to run away and scream and scream.

Before I've felt mostly sad and heartbroken but now I'm angry. About everything and everyone.

DS is five tomorrow and I have to pull myself together for him. I'm beyond lucky I managed to have him. I'm grateful.

I still want to kick the living shit out of an inanimate object though.

You’re supposed to be referred for investigations after 3 miscarriages... I would see another GP and demand to be referred (if you want to). A friend of mine had 4 and found out that she had some scarring or something from her first miscarriage and it was sorted out with a minor op and the next pregnancy was successful. Also know of someone who found out they had low progesterone after 3 miscarriages and with the next pregnancy they had treatment for that and it was successful. There is likely something causing the miscarriages that may be resolvable so if you have strength to go through some investigation and try again it may work out for you. I hope so xx good luck x

My friend had seven miscarriages. She saw a new Dr at her surgery who suggested taking aspirin everyday as when her blood got thicker the body rejected it and she miscarried her baby.

I’m so sorry for your losses...

I had 4 miscarriages & no answers from any doctors - I knew something was up, but as I already had DD1, it was seen as “one of those things”

I researched the hell out of it & ended up seeing Dr Shehata (privately). I had high natural killer cells, so my body was effectively attacking my pregnancies.

The treatment was easy - intralipid infusions, steroids, progesterone & low dose aspirin.

I was just shy of my 40th birthday when I had DD2..

He’s been mentioned previously on this thread. We found the cost wasn’t exorbitant either (this was over 7 years ago & it was just over £2000).

We did investigate Zita Ward - we had an initial consultation, but I felt that they were pushing a wider variety of treatments (therefore much more expensive) & i wasn’t comfortable with that.

You may need to be pushy with your doctor to get a referral - there really is quite a lack of knowledge about recurrent miscarriage within the NHS. Your miscarriages aren’t bad luck - there is evidently something wrong after so many.

Take care of yourself & if you feel you can, fight for your treatment (I was so angry after my 4th & this was what drove me to research any available treatments)

Sending you solidarity and compassion OP. I had 6 after DC1 and it was harrowing times.

As others have said of course you can simultaneously have gratitude for your child and be devastated at these losses. It's really not simple. I remember that my son was simultaneously my greatest consolation and the source of enormous pain. Every milestone he reached marked the passage of time without a sibling and I lost count at the times I wore a brave face taking my son to events with other families only to be racked with shoulder shaking sobs once I got back into the car to come home.

It's so so awful and I'm really sorry you are going through it now.

@gotmybigbootson have you been seen in a recurrent miscarriage clinic? Had any tests done? Your gp can arrange for blood tests to be done.

Also 9 miscarriages is more than bad luck there is a reason why this is happening and it needs to be found out.