In being so so fucking angry? (Miscarriage.)

[gotmybigbootson]

Just had my 9th miscarriage.

I want to punch someone. I'm so so fucking sick of it. Nobody even cares anymore. DH tries to care but he's over it and numb I think.

My family I don't tell anymore.

My doctors seem to be complacent and 'oh well'.

I know, there's nothing to be done. I'm just sad, furious and done with it. I can't try again.

I want to break something. I want to run away and scream and scream.

Before I've felt mostly sad and heartbroken but now I'm angry. About everything and everyone.

DS is five tomorrow and I have to pull myself together for him. I'm beyond lucky I managed to have him. I'm grateful.

I still want to kick the living shit out of an inanimate object though.

@naicepineapple well I'm sorry for your lack of comprehension skills but I'm off to work and don't have time to debate your decision to snipe at me.

Op, I'm so sorry. You have every right to be fucking furious. I'd be furious with your doctors too. There MUST be something that can be done. They soundn pretty useless.

And having a dc does NOT mean that you can't mourn the idea of more ds, or grieve each miscarriage.

Punch some pillows, go outside and scream ... then ring your GP and make an appt. Do some research. See what other treatment options there are.

6 miscarriages here op, all before i was 22. Its was awful back then the support. I have one DC but haven't dared try again. I just cant.

I don't think your DP doesn't care I think he's probably angry too. Angry that you are hurting, that theres no way to fix it and grieving at the same time whilst trying to hold it together. My then DP was the same. He went numb, told me to just get over it. I was grieving he was bottling it all up.

I'm sorry that is so many - you must be devastated.
I'm sure you have had lots of advice but I had lots of IVF so learnt so much and was wondering if you have you looked into it being an immune issue? Another poster has suggested this too, but to just explain it- if your partner's and your DNA are similar - when you have baby number 1 your body thinks baby number 1 is an abnormal growth and creates antibodies to destroy it. However, by the time your body achieves this baby number 1 he or she is living off its placenta and is safe from these antibodies Where it becomes a real problem is for people who try for baby number 2. Your body has these antibodies and so does not let a future pregnancy work. IVF clinics plus independent doctors administer injections to effectively suppress your immune system to help you carry the baby.
Before my IVFs I had an IVF checklist of sorts. Getting your vitamin levels checked is really helpful - not enough zinc for example and the baby won't implant properly. It doesn't matter if you are taking zinc - your body might not be absorbing it properly and you won't know until you take a test.
Another key thing is getting your pelvis checked by a cranial pesto. Having a baby or sport or whatever can threw your pelvis out just a little but enough for the womb to be 'tugged' and this can affect things.
I also had a very short luteal phase i.e. after I had ovulated my body had a period within 12 days. This was because I had low progesterone and my IVF clinic would get me to do daily progesterone injections.
Also, in Australia its tested for routinely but not in the UK - having your blood tested for extra clotting factors. My blood clots more than other people's - not enough to warrant me needing medication except when pregnant - I used to have to take blood thinners during IVF.
Good luck x

Hi OP, I have had 5 MCs so I know what the situation feels like.

I carried my second child to term due to the Coventry protocol, I had progesterone from CD 21 (one week after ovulation/conception) then clexane from a scan at 5w to check things were in the right place up to 13 weeks...

I'd try and get an appointment with them if you could:

warwick.ac.uk/fac/sci/med/research/biomedical/tem/bru/clinic/

i live in London but went to Coventry to see them...

good luck

Bickering over miscarriage semantics on a thread like this? Nice.

OP - My heart goes out to you. I lost 6 babies between having my girls at varying stages. I remember the anger well. For anyone saying "you have one child, be grateful" - it doesn't work like that. Of course you're grateful, it's not even up for discussion, but gratitude for having a child and the all consuming need for another are not mutually exclusive. My own obs consultant said to me do not ever apologise or feel guilty for wanting more than one child. You are allowed.
I was eventually diagnosed with APS and in my 8th pregnancy had to give myself blood thinning injections every day from the day I got my positive test to 6 weeks post natal. Also had to take low dose aspirin and progesterone pessaries for the first 12 weeks. It worked.
I so hope you are able to find an answer like I did.
In the meantime I'll just hold your hand and say Life's an absolute bastard sometimes and I'm really really sorry you're going through this.

Have you been to a specialist recurrent miscarriage service, like the recurrent miscarriage clinic at St Mary's in London? I had three mcs and then after going there and being under the care of Prof Regan and Mr Rai, had a baby (I was nearly 46 by then). If you have not seen a proper specialist in the area please do this urgently.

www.imperial.nhs.uk/our-services/fertility-and-reproductive-medicine/recurrent-miscarriage/clinics

PS my treatment was progesterone pessaries, low dose aspirin and high dose folate.

I am so very sorry for your losses, OP.

The Miscarriage Association is awesome, and you can find someone to talk to through them.

Someone up thread has mentioned Zita West already - we saw a consultant there who did all kinds of tests and discovered that I had immune issues which caused the miscarriages. There are treatments to try if you feel you want to continue TTC.

Take care.

Fuck. You have every right to be angry. That is so fucking unfair.

YANBU! Rage is one of the catalogue of emotions I go through regularly after my 6 miscarriages.

Feel all your feelings, let it all flow.

I'm so so sorry 

My friend had exactly the same treatment as @Enidthecat with Dr Shehata (sp) and has a 2.5 year old. Would you be able to go and see him?

Hi Op,

I'm in the same boat we've lost 8 in 16 months and are currently going through an ectopic.

I am beyond angry, no one seems to want to help and no one seems to care.

I have no advice but your not alone and I'm here if u want to talk

@feelingprettyalonetoday - I care. I'm so sorry that you're going through this.

Thank you @twinkledag, I
Have a thread

I'm just hoping to give op some support by letting her know people are here to listen, mn is so nice in these circumstances

cks.nice.org.uk/miscarriage#!scenario:2

Have your GP's followed the Nice guidelines for recurrent miscarriage?
I have linked as opposed to cutting and pasting as don't want to cause you any further distress. The link is there to read at a later date, hopefully if will give you some ammunition against the complacency

I second St Mary’s in Paddington. I went there after five losses. They tested my blood and I have a blood clotting disorder. I injected thinners next time I got pregnant and had my son. Their clinic leads the research so if you can travel to London I’d get referred there.

You poor thing. I’m 42 and pregnant after a twin miscarriage last year - my fourth miscarriage in-between take home babies. They are so heartbreaking and I don’t think I’ll ever properly get over them.

Please don’t let the doctors fob you off and please insist on an appointment at a recurrent miscarriage clinic. - you need answers at least.

I'm so sorry to hear this and it's just disgusting how some doctors behave, I have had 3 miscarriages and my consultant (nhs fertility doctor) was clear that if I were to have a fourth they would begin investigating what was causing it and try to work out a treatment plan. You have every right to be angry, I am angry for you, please find courage and complain and kick up a fuss, this is something that they should be very proactive with, you may have a clotting disorder or something else that could be solved with the proper treatment, they should be doing so much more, so much better. [hugs].

I am really sorry.
I just wish all the poster feel the sympathy and be nice on the thread like this.
You should rant as much as you like, OP. It breaks my heart just thinking about what you are going through.
I really hope you get the help and support you need.

So sorry op.
Having one child is indeed a blessing but it doesn’t make the pain any less, in some ways it makes it wiorse because you’re grieving for their loss too - feeling like you’ve let them down by not being able to give them the sibling you obviously so wanted to give them.
I hope you eventually find peace.

I have had 6 miscarriages (with my son born between numbers 4 and 5)
I do not fall pregnant easily either!
Hand-holding, as I feel just the same!

feelingprettyalonetoday and OP - that really sucks, I'm so sorry

. Sorry for all your miscarriages. That must be heartbreaking.

I am so sorry for your loss. Sending a hug through the ether