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Original poster

To ban DD from saying 'Your having a go at me'

54 replies

Diamondsandstones · 20/11/2018 21:51

Because I'm seriously bored of it.

This evening only.
She complained she turned the heating off last night in her room and woke up cold (bearing in mind she has two winter quilts and a hot water bottle in her bed.

Apparently saying there was no need to be cold and either turn the heating on or use the four seasons sleeping bag which is on the end of her bed was 'having a go at her'

Yesterday I asked her to look for something she needed for an interview that night. I text her and asked her if she had found it. She hadn't even looked. I said I would find it as she needed it straight after school and that was having a go at her.

In fact every thing I say to her as a parent or ask her to do nicely which she doesn't like is 'having a go at her"

Please tell me it gets better?!

OP posts:
Original poster
Diamondsandstones · 20/11/2018 21:56

Currently she 'can't be arsed ' bringing me her pe kit which needs ironing for morning because she doesn't know where in the pile in her room it is. Therefore she hasn't looked.

She tells me she can't be arsed constantly. Exasperated I agreed with her once that it was clear she couldn't and she screamed at me how dare I accuse of her of not being arsed.

She used to be so lovely sigh .

OP posts:
Omzlas · 20/11/2018 21:57

How old is she OP?

WorraLiberty · 20/11/2018 22:00

How old is she?

If she has an interview and can't be bothered to look for something she needs, why are you saying you'll look for it?

Ditto the PE kit. If she can't be bothered to get it, she'll have to wear it creased.

I'm not sure you can 'ban her' from saying you're having a go at her but I do think you could take a massive step back and let her get on with it.

She obviously doesn't appreciate your input.

spacefighter · 20/11/2018 22:00

Stop doing things for her. Let her find things she needs for interviews or iron her own pe kit. Your making a rod for your own back.

speakout · 20/11/2018 22:00

Sounds like you have communication issues.

I can't say my kids have ever told me I'm "having a go" at them.

If your DD needed something for an interview, then a gentle reminder may be helpful.

At 15 she can take responsibility for her possessions.

If she has forgotten or been disorganised then Mums can step into help.

Life is too short for snappy communication.

MerryMarigold · 20/11/2018 22:02

Why are you ironing p.e kit? I can't be arsed with that Grin

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 20/11/2018 22:04

Leave the PE kit. When she gets cross in the morning because it is still crumpled, tell her to stop having a go at you! Show her how it is when the tables are turned.

ILovePierceBrosnan · 20/11/2018 22:04

Ooh this sounds familiar!

Asked what I think of an outfit (which I think is horrendous) and I carefully pick my words to avoid wrecking her confidence whilst not lying or gushing glowing remarks.

RedDeadRoach · 20/11/2018 22:05

Stop babying her then? So what her pe kit isn't ironed? So what she forget something she needs? How old is she?

Carpetglasssofa · 20/11/2018 22:06

Who irons pe kit? Wtf?

Just let her get on with it and sort herself out. There'll be a few fuck ups at first, but she'll get the hang of it.

MrsTerryPratcett · 20/11/2018 22:07

You need to start natural consequences and resilience. Doesn't sort stuff out? It doesn't get done. The heat is off? Don't suggest things, she knows.

Unless she's 7. Actually even then a bit.

Singlenotsingle · 20/11/2018 22:08

No, you just back off altogether. It's unclear exactly how old she is (early teens?). Forget the PE kit; you tried, that's all you can do. It'll be up to her to sort it out herself in the morning. You might, very generously) ask her for something once but that's it. Less stress all round...Grin

speakout · 20/11/2018 22:09

Maybe she doesn't give a shit if her PE kit is ironed or not?

I know I wouldn't.

TheSmallAssassin · 20/11/2018 22:09

Sounds like standard teenage behaviour to me, I'd just let it wash all over you. She will be lovely again! Just in a few years.

Ironing PE kits, though? What's the point? Ours is all synthetic fibre, mind you.

Original poster
Diamondsandstones · 20/11/2018 22:10

She's very nearly 16.
I had reminded her and reminded her nicely about the thing she needed for the interview. She didn't look.
I looked for it because she had to have it for her college interview and I don't want her to have any excuse for not getting on her course otherwise. She would gladly like to not get on and attempt to sit on her backside doing nothing instead (not happening)

I iron the pe kit because it's evil material which melts on to the iron if you look at it the wrong way and I've burnt the blooming thing never mind a teen.

I need to do less for her I know but she will gladly go in school scruffy and filthy and creased and I don't want safeguarding knocking on my door to be honest.

OP posts:
Carpetglasssofa · 20/11/2018 22:11

Seriously. You are the only person in the world who irons pe kit.

IStandWithPosie · 20/11/2018 22:12

So these were all discussions that were about helping her. Simple solution, stop helping her. She doesn’t appreciate it, in fact she’s openly disrespectful of it. So stop helping. See how she’s likes that.

Upsy1981 · 20/11/2018 22:12

No one needs to iron the PE kit. It all gets squished into a bag and flung around anyway.

Oswin · 20/11/2018 22:13

No ones gonna knock your door for an unironed pe kit. Honestly it's normal for pe kits to be extremely creased.

Singlenotsingle · 20/11/2018 22:14

Safeguarding? Shock Ffs she's not a child! She's old enough to get married! ShockShockShock

speakout · 20/11/2018 22:14

Diamondsandstones

I doubt very much if safeguarding will be at your door because your DDs PE kit is not ironed.

Kids this age need space to grow and find independence.

You are having conflict because you are trying to control and micromanage her.

It's no wonder you are having flare ups..

InsomniacAnonymous · 20/11/2018 22:14

"She complained she turned the heating off last night in her room and woke up cold (bearing in mind she has two winter quilts and a hot water bottle in her bed."

How is anyone's fault but her own that she woke up cold after turning off the heating in her room? How bloody ridiculous!

Carpetglasssofa · 20/11/2018 22:14

Social care don't give a shit about teenagers being scruffy.

Seriously, give her the space to fail.

Or, rather than telling her things, ask her things.

Have you got thing x for your interview?
What will happen if you don't have it?

Usually works better than telling them. Works even better if you can effectively pretend that you don't care.

Original poster
Diamondsandstones · 20/11/2018 22:15

The pe kit is not being ironed as she hasn't brought it (even though it is a horrible material and will look like it's been screwed in a ball)
She's got away with it because she knows the year head is a bit overkeen (referred her to the safeguarding Person in school once because she went in school with a tubagrip (no idea how you actually spell that ) on after injuring herself...at school.

OP posts:
GrannyHaddock · 20/11/2018 22:15

Doesn't the PE kit just get stuffed in a bag?

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