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Original poster

Can't afford pet ashes

69 replies

Nov2018 · 20/11/2018 09:18

My dog died two weeks ago, was PTS. He was sent to a pet crematorium and I've avoided there calls ever since. I want him individually cremated so I can get the ashes back but I can't afford the £80. I have the money today but need to do a big food shop.

I'm torn.

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 20/11/2018 09:20

Realistically, you know you need food.

Sorry you lost your dog. Flowers

EmUntitled · 20/11/2018 09:20

Sorry to be harsh but if it's a choice between eating this week and having your dog's ashes I would choose food. I'm sorry that your dog passed away.

MakeAHouseAHome · 20/11/2018 09:22

Going against the grain I would get your dogs ashes!! Say no and you can never get that back. You win't starve doing a cheaper food shop/less of a shop for a week.

GemmeFatale · 20/11/2018 09:22

Talk to them. This won’t be a new situation, they might have a weekly/monthly payment option you can use.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 20/11/2018 09:24

Can you call them and explain you can't afford it atm? Tell them you want the ashes but can they hold on for payment for a while?

RoseyOldCrow · 20/11/2018 09:25

So sorry for your loss.
You have to buy food, there's no option unfortunately.
Can you phone the cremation service & ask if they have payment options?
Also consider asking what would they do with the remains of beloved pets; if they are scattered or buried sensitively (which one would hope) then would this be acceptable for you? Would it be somewhere you could visit?

PixieCutRegret · 20/11/2018 09:26

Have you spoken to the crematorium? Before going without food I would see if there is any way they can hold them for you. Can you make any savings on your food shop at all so you can give them an instalment?

ImpendingDisaster · 20/11/2018 09:28

Sorry for your loss. Flowers

cheesefield · 20/11/2018 09:31

When can you realistically afford to pay it? If it's only a week or two until you get paid then i'm sure they'll hold them and wait for you?

How many people do you have to feed and how much £ do you have? Can you do a week of pasta bakes and jacket potatoes?

I'd want to have the ashes.

Talith · 20/11/2018 09:33

I had all three ex pussycats cremated at extortionate cost and tbh the ashes just sat under the stairs in their tubs til I had a clean out and just binned them. They weren't my beloved pets any more, never could be. I could never decide where to sprinkle them as I'll move and didn't like the idea of them not being with me... But the ashes never felt like 'them'

I decided then I won't bother with ashes again. The memories and love matter, in my opinion, not a pot on the mantlepiece. I'm so sorry for your loss Flowers

missmouse101 · 20/11/2018 09:39

Normally you pay the vets surgery at the time for this, they arrange the cremation and the ashes are returned there. I'm confused why the pet cremation are phoning you themselves? It's very sad, but please don't ignore them. Just tell them the truth and ask if they can keep the ashes safely for you til you can pay? They will be understanding I'm sure.

JurassicGirl · 20/11/2018 09:40

Whilst I totally understand you wanting the ashes I kind of agree with Talith I'm not sure having the ashes actually brings any comfort. My MIL has FIL's ashes & doesn't like them because they're not him but doesn't know what to do with them.

If having them is really important to you I would phone the crematorium & ask their advice.

I'm sorry you're having to deal with this Sad Flowers

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/11/2018 09:42

I'm sorry for your loss, OP, I know how hard it is. We lost our three dogs over a couple of years and it's awful, leaves such a hole.

We talked about having them cremated and scattering the ashes but agreed that our beloved dogs weren't 'there' anymore, nothing to be gained (for us) in being able to grieve because we were doing that already. So they were cremated but just as part of vet waste.

I'd be quite happy to be incinerated myself with the household waste. I wouldn't be 'there' anymore. Obviously not possible for humans but that's my philosophy on it.

I very much agree with Talith's post.

You need to speak to the pet crematorium because you made an arrangement with them. Don't ignore them, that's rude. You wanted your pet cremated and they've kept their side of the agreement. I'm sure they'd rather see the money that they're owed coming in in stages rather than not at all and having to dispose of the ashes. Talk to them.

shesabloodywitch · 20/11/2018 09:44

I'm sorry for your loss but I don't understand why people have pets when they can't afford medical bills or insurance.

LovingLola · 20/11/2018 09:44

So they have cremated the dog according to your wishes and now are looking for payment? Stop avoiding their calls. Speak to them and come to an arrangement.

LovingLola · 20/11/2018 09:46

Actually I am wondering is this a new spin on the usual pre christmas begging scenario...

MrsStrowman · 20/11/2018 09:47

Have you checked if your pet insurance covers this? We had to have family dog PTS last week and DF assumed it wouldn't be covered, I checked and it was. We've decided to scatter the ashes at the local nature park/lakes next to my parents' house as that was his daily walking place. Just couldn't bear thinking what would happen to him if we said no to the cremation

Original poster
Nov2018 · 20/11/2018 09:56

I spoke to them last week as they wanted to know our wishes and I said I would call later to pay as didn't have my bank card (a lie). They called once again which I ignored and have sent a letter. I am not sure if the cremation has taken place, they may have done so as a group one due to my non communication so there won't be any individual ashes. I will call and ask for an installment plan.

But I also can't decide if I NEED the ashes. I have my other dogs ashes which I made a shrine for when they came back but slowly they've moved to the cupboard with the intention to plant them. I was more ruthless with this death and threw everything away straightaway as I knew if I didn't it would take me months to do so and due to the dogs illness, things stunk. It was also more expected than the first loss.

I feel having the ashes back 'brings them home', but the logical side of me knows that isn't true and they are here in spirit anyway. I would feel guilty for having one set of ashes and not the other though.

@LovingLola
Go away

OP posts:
TheViceOfReason · 20/11/2018 09:58

Sorry you've lost your dog.... but the living take priority over the dead.

If you can't afford the cremation, you should have opted for the cheaper group service with no ashes back, or talked to the crematorium first and explained - they would more than likely have agreed to you paying it in instalments.

Burying your head in the sand is daft - all that will happen is after x number of days they will dispose of the ashes. Answer the phone, explain you are struggling to find the money and ask if you can pay £x per week - i'd be surprised if they don't agree.

Ultimately though, if money is that tight you have to make choices.

thereallochnessmonster · 20/11/2018 09:58

So you asked the crem to cremate your dog and now you're avoidijng their calls? That's not fair. You need to ring them. if you can't affoed it, ask if they do a payment plan.

Having your dog's ashes is not essential, espe if you can't afford shopping, but if you've asked the company to do a service for you, you need to pay them.

Sorry for your loss.

I

Original poster
Nov2018 · 20/11/2018 09:59

@MrsStrowman

We didn't have pet insurance unfortunately. The dog was a passed on unwanted dog and I was early 20s when we got him. I never had pets before so didn't realise about insurance etc. When I looked into it years later, the dog was too old for me to find cover (I've since been told there would have been a company prepared to cover elderly dog but I didn't know at the time). In later years due to our circumstances we used free PDSA vets (donations) and so have to pay for the cremation.

OP posts:
flighthelpneeded · 20/11/2018 10:00

Do you have dc? If so I would definitely buy the food shop. I'm sorry about your dog, we have a pet who is very much a family member so I can understand the qualms you are having.

Autumnrocks · 20/11/2018 10:04

I have had more than a few dogs and have never kept the ashes.

I know it means a lot to some people to have them, but I remember my dogs as they were, living creatures whom I absolutely adored and was devoted to. An acquaintance tried to guilt trip me, saying scattering the ashes in a favourite place was the least the dog deserved, but I couldn't disagree more.

If the pet crematorium has already done work for you, you have to pay. Otherwise, your beloved dog will always be in your heart. Surely that's what matters.

Justaboy · 20/11/2018 10:07

Can you not just contact them and tell them that money for whatever reason is very tight right now and ask them if they will agree to an instalment plan?.

MNHQ
HopeMumsnet · 20/11/2018 10:23

Hi OP,
We're so sorry to hear about the loss of your dog, and your current predicament and we hope that you can resolve things somehow.

You probably know that we post this standard message whenever anyone has money concerns, so let us do so now.
Right now we can't see any evidence to indicate that the OP isn't above board - if we did, we'd remove the thread straight away. But the truth is that, sadly, we at MNHQ can't know with 100% certainty that any poster is genuine, no matter who they are or how long they have been around. As frustrating as it is, we're not able to vouch for anyone here.
So we always ask everyone to remember that not everyone on the internet is who they say they are - and remind folk not to give more to another poster, either financially (in cash or gifts) or emotionally (in time or care and support) than they'd be prepared to lose if things went wrong.