Can't afford pet ashes

[Nov2018]

My dog died two weeks ago, was PTS. He was sent to a pet crematorium and I've avoided there calls ever since. I want him individually cremated so I can get the ashes back but I can't afford the £80. I have the money today but need to do a big food shop.

I'm torn.

Shesabloodywitch I'm not sure how being able to afford to cremate a pet or not should be a criteria for owning one. If you can afford to look after a pet while alive, surely that's all that matters? I'm pretty sure no-one has ever said "I'd better pass on getting a dog, I'm not sure if I can afford to cremate it in 12 years time".

you need to be able to afford all the costs associated with having a pet. OP can't pay her 80 quid bill for the cremation, what would she have done if it was ten times that for an op instead?

I would really like someone to explain why they had their pet cremated, and what keeping the ashes means to them.

I've recently done it, his ashes will be back with me on Friday. I've never had ashes from previous dogs/other pets but this was my constant companion of 17 years, I feel like he should be back at home. Some people keep the ashes for this reason, others scatter or bury the ashes in a significant place e.g. a favourite walking spot. People do whatever they feel the need to do to give their pet the final resting place that they want.

I used to work at a vets & had a meeting with our cremation provider to find out about their services.
Communally cremated pets are treated respectfully and the ashes were buried in the crematorium garden. Many pet crematoriums have occasional open days where you can visit the garden too, if that would be something you might want to do in future.
Don't ignore their calls or letters; they are used to dealing with this sort of scenario, & they can talk you through the options. Many are happy to hold deceased pets for a few weeks whilst you come to a decision. If you ignore them then they won't know your wishes or that you are still coming to a decision.

For all the posters saying it would have already been done; I've worked with two different pet crematoriums and none proceeded with private individual cremation until the owner had paid. The reason for this is that, sometimes people make an emotional decision and then change their mind and opt for communal cremation or individual burial. Also, owners might have additional requests such as paw prints or fur clippings, and may want time to decide on the casket type. This would all be confirmed over the phone a few days after the pet died, and payment would then be made.

For communal cremation, the owner usually pays the vet practice as this was a more common arrangement. If an owner was uncertain we would hold the pets body for a week or two, with their consent, until they were sure.

OP I hope you are ok and come to the decision that gives you the most peace x

blahblahblah I take your point. I've just never considered it. We just bury all ours.

My ddog was PTS in September, and the final bill was nearly £300, including the cremation costs. I just left it a couple of weeks until I had the money to go and pay the bill and collect the ashes.

He meant so much to me that there was no way I wasn’t going to get his ashes. He’s now back in my bedroom, in his bed, in his cardboard box. When I die I’d like his ashes buried with me or mixed with my ashes, and I’m thinking of getting some jewellery made from his ashes.

Each to their own but it’s been a big comfort to me to have him home, even if it is in a little box.

I would imagine if your dog died 2 weeks ago they would have already done the cremation by now.

I'm sorry for your loss.

Ring round other crematoriums and see if any of those have a payment plan. You don't HAVE to use this one though it would probably be best as it will save moving your dog.

We expected her death as she had cancer but I felt so much better when I picked my dog's ashes up, I was surprised by the peace they seemed to give me but it was a very emotional time so could be down to that.

Darkstar4855 Tue 20-Nov-18 12:59:06
We buried our dog and cat in the garden. I’m not particularly sentimental but it was nicer than them being “clinical waste” and I liked the idea of putting them back into the earth where they used to play.

Pet cremations aren't treated like 'clinical waste', I found they are treated very sensitively and very, very professionally.

@AwkwardPaws27 depends on the vets I think, we’ve just been told we are not allowed to keep passed pets ‘as hostage’ until the bill is paid, we have to send them on if the owner is planning on cremation and the crematorium bills us. We make all our prices very transparent from the beginning though. PDSA will be different I suppose as owners arrange it directly with the crematorium rather than through their vets.

OP I’m glad you’ve found a good solution that puts your mind at rest. I like @villainousbroodmare’s idea but I personally like to have the ashes.

@jabbythehut - we never kept the pets at the vets (unless the owner asked us to while they decided between communal or individual cremation and home burial). We passed them to the crematorium, but the crematoriums I worked with always billed the owners directly for private cremations.
It was only communal where we charged.

Group cremation isn't that bad, he'll be scattered/buried respectfully in a nice area and he'll be able to play forever with all the other pets who are put to rest with him.

@AwkwardPaws27 we are billed by the cremation company for all types of cremation so we did used to hang on to pets where the owner hadn’t paid yet (usually because we let them leave and pay later when things are a bit less emotional) but we’re not allowed to now so our cremation people just do it and bill us.

My practice is transparent about costs and encourages payment up front, which most clients prefer as it means they can get the admin side of it over with before, leave straight after and then not have to hang around when they come to collect the ashes. They won't release the body to the crematorium until the private cremation is paid for due to a huge proportion of their debt being for unpaid ashes. Again, most people are happy (and actually appreciate) time to pay the bill if necessary before cremation is carried out. Of course, if they know the client well and have a good history with them, they're happy for them to pay on collection.

@blahblahblah18 the OP could have just spent thousands on treatment prior to the dog being PTS

Sorry for your loss of a family member OP
If the dog is still in storage would getting the body back for burial be an option?

I cremated two dogs. It’s not a waste of money if it’s important to you. I know it can be very comforting in which case go ahead and maybe offer to pay in instalments.

I always like to have pet ashes, not because I think it's them, but you don't know what they do with the body if they pass away at the vet and I hate to think what the alternative is. All our dogs have been (subtley) scattered along their favourite walks. Just a being a bit sentimental with that though.

I can also usually skip a weeks shop and eat strange concoctions from the cupboard, but not sure if that's realistic in your scenario.

I have got 3 cremated dogs in boxes. However my first, and most loved dog of all, I couldn't afford to have returned to me.
But what does one do with the ashes anyway? They just sit around on a shelf. I would like them put in my coffin when I am cremated. I don't want to scatter them.
However, I have a beautiful framed photo of my first dog on display, and to be honest this is a better reminder of her than a box of ashes. How about getting lovely frames for your best pictures of your dog? Ashes are just that; ashes. I often stroke the pic of my dog, but I don't handle the boxes at all if I can help it.
In fact I have a gallery of dead dogs and horses (and people - this happens as you get old!) in my study. I find it quite comforting these days.

Tough decision for you, the food shop would be priority but if I was unable to bury an animal, I'd have to get the ashes or at least be very sure that my darling pet was in a nice garden of rest. I couldn't bear to just leave them at the vet. I know the animal has passed but it would feel like abandonment.

Well done for calling up & making arrangements. You can always blame it on emotion! Sounds like you've reached an arrangement that is financially workable but also lets your conscience rest easy. for you. x