Can't afford pet ashes

[Nov2018]

My dog died two weeks ago, was PTS. He was sent to a pet crematorium and I've avoided there calls ever since. I want him individually cremated so I can get the ashes back but I can't afford the £80. I have the money today but need to do a big food shop.

I'm torn.

My dog is everything to me I am sorry for your loss. Truthfully I would beg and borrow food from friends and family for a week im sure in the circumstances nobody would say no to a few tins of beans etc and i would live on that or just on cheap plain pasta a week is a short time but i would need to bring my dog back to her home

I don't understand why people keep cremated ashes, I remember my deceased animals through memories , photos and finding the odd memento in a cupboard . A heap of grey ash doesn't say warm fur, silly moments, a heavy body lying on my feet, comforting a scared trembling body during firework noises.

I would really like someone to explain why they had their pet cremated, and what keeping the ashes means to them.

I don't think you need the ashes to remember your dog. But morally you owe the cremation company - I'm sure you're not the only person with financial worries, and they will probably offer a payment plan.

Sorry for your loss OP. When my cat was killed unexpectedly in a RTA I faced the same thing 6 days before payday. Tbh I didn't care about food and just wanted my pet back so I borrowed the money and lived on soup and bread but my dc are grown up. I don't know you're situation but it seems you need the comfort of your dog's ashes from what you've said.
I didn't check my insurance policy at the time as my head was a mess but I wish I.had in case it would have paid out.
I don't keep her ashes in a jar. I scattered them on her birthday outside near the trees she loved.
Whatever you do don't feel guilty. You loved your dog all their life and that's what really matters xx

So sorry about your dog

I’m confused about your question though; you seem to be asking if you need the ashes back but if the crematorium has already done the cremation then you need to pay them whether you want the ashes or not. If you find that the dog is still in cold storage and they’re still waiting for an answer then you can decide if you want the ashes or not. But remember then your dog is waiting for you in a freezer whilst you decide so ultimately ignoring the crematorium isn’t getting you anywhere. I for one don’t think anyone else can answer this question for you, it’s a very individual decision - personally I’m keeping my dog’s ashes when she goes so they can be buried with me but I fully realise this is very weird and DH thinks I am insane

Ring and ask if you can pay it over a period of weeks and they can return the ashes at the end . Frankly £80 is bargainous for a dog cremation at the pet crem we use it was £170 for my mums cat in August for an individual cremation / ashes in wooden casket .

Woof off, Forty Feet.

If that’s a joke then it’s a particularly bad one.

Ring the crem up OP, ask if you can pay them in rates.

Forty that's disgusting when you're talking about someone's beloved pet.

FortyFeet What a disgusting post. What on earth is the matter with you?

@viques I'm not sure about keeping them, we chose to have our dog cremated because we didn't like the idea of him being treated as 'clinical waste' which is what happens to those who aren't, we felt we wanted to know how he was treated after death and felt an individual cremation was respectful. As I said when we get the ashes back next week the intention is to scatter them at his favourite walking place. You could say the same about a person, why bother, just chuck them all in landfill. It's a personal choice I guess.

We just bury deceased pets. My mums back garden is like a pet cemetery.

You need to ring them. You asked them to do a job you can’t ignore them.

I'm sorry for your loss but I don't understand why people have pets when they can't afford medical bills or insurance.

You don't understand ?
Well let's see
Perhaps when Dog was bought the OP had money for said insurance
Perhaps life has been unkind to OP and family since having dog
Perhaps its not your business to "understand" or not !

SOME people are so harsh .

OP I am sorry for your predicament and the loss of your dog

@Mrs Strowman, I had my animals cremated too, but arranged by the vet so were communal cremations. I don't think they were any less respectful of my animals memories than having them done individually.

I am sorry for your loss, if I was going to keep ashes I think scattering a dogs ashes on a favourite walk is a reasonable option, but I still don't understand why people keep them at home.

For what it is worth in our family we have never kept human ashes either, had them scattered at a crem or buried in a churchyard.

DH rang crem. Still in cold storage They don't do an installment plan but will take a specific deposit and the balance has to be paid within two weeks. Or we can have him done in a group cremation for free.

I'll probably borrow the deposit as can pay next week on payday.

Thanks for everyone's kind words. I didn't see the deleted comment.

The crematorium people have probably done what you requested, so you have to pay them. I would personally consider it a waste of money, especially if you are not really able to afford it, but I do understand your position re having done so for the other dog. The thing is, the dog doesn't care. He loved you when he was alive. He'd probably prioritize food if he could be consulted on it. If the body that used to be your dog's is still being held, then I'd suggest you opt for something you can afford and have a dinner in his honour. Or a walk. Or something in the spirit of dogness that's meaningful but not an expensive jar of dust.
anyway.

Oops cross posted.

@viques sometimes, especially if the death was unexpected, it gives you a chance to "let go" at your own pace.

When I lost my cat unexpectedly it meant a lot to me to get the ashes from the vets because it felt like he was coming back home. After a few weeks I was able to scatter the ashes in the garden (his favourite place)

It does sound like a load of spiritual nonsense to some people but everyone deals with grief in different ways I guess

That is a lovely post, villainous... "... in the spirit of dogness". I like that.

So sorry about your dog. It’s so hard when a much loved pet dies.

Keep in mind that getting ashes back is a relatively new thing over the past 15-20 yrs and lots of people can’t afford it.

I’ve never got ashes back because money has always been too tight. However we dedicated an area of the garden to our dearly departed pets. A small calico cat ornament sits in a plant pot where my beloved girl used to sleep in the sun. Another plant pot has a hamster wheel in and we have lots of photos up of our pets and talk about the funny little things they did.

Creating a memory and a special place is still possible without the ashes. When my cat died DS was upset that we didn’t have the ashes so I encouraged him to write a letter to her that we could sent uo to heaven. He wrote a sweet letter telling her he loved her and was missing her and then we burnt the letter and let the smoke take the message to her. We popped the ashes of the letter in the plant pot with the calico cat ornament.

It sounds like you cant afford the cremation now or later. Its a waste of money. You can't afford to be sentimental.

I think you need to be sensible and dispose of your pet as cheaply as possible and buy food. You have photos and memories.

I dont wonder food bank use and poverty is on the rise.

We buried our dog and cat in the garden. I’m not particularly sentimental but it was nicer than them being “clinical waste” and I liked the idea of putting them back into the earth where they used to play.

If your dog hasn’t been cremated yet might that be an alternative to paying the £80?

If you wwent for the group cremation, would they give you a portion of the group ashes to bring home? Or yes, bury in the garden, or favorite local spot (with landowner permission of course).

Presumably you still owe them this money whether or not you want the ashes back? your focus is all wrong: call them and work out a payment plan. Thye have provided a service to you and you owe them the money for it, its got nothing to do with the ashes.

Isn't it too late if you have already asked for the service?