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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Right to be slightly offended by no word of thanks?!

69 replies

LDN80 · 19/11/2018 23:50

This has been bugging me for a while now so all opinions would be greatly appreciated. A few months ago, friends of mine got married in our hometown in which my partner and I were invited to the evening reception. I now live over 400 miles away but I thought I could justify the long drive there and back for the weekend by spending time with family and other friends while being back at home aswell as attending , so the travel ( although a long way for a short period of time) or being invited to the evening part wasn’t an issue. My biggest issue is not having any thanks for the present we bought them. It’s been a few months now since the big day and I’m still seeing posts and photos of the big day on social media but yet no thanks or acknowledgment for the present! I’m not sure if I’m being over sensitive here, and it’s not catastrophic,but I just find it a bit rude? Yes I didn’t make the journey solely for the wedding, and I did enjoy the weekend but surely the least you can do after guests spend money on a gift for you is to thank them?! Any thoughts on this?

OP posts:
Celticrose · 20/11/2018 02:16

I do think it is rude not to acknowledge the giving of a wedding gift. I remember well sitting writing my thank you letters after we got married. Yes it was tedious but it had to be done. Remember my old boss giving off about people who put a notice in the local paper thanking people for their wedding gifts but at least they were thanked though some may not have seen it. How many months some thank you notes I have received have been quite a few months after the wedding. If I were to do it again I would do it the same day I got the gift plus there are now so many thank you cards to choose from and can also be ordered when getting invites done etc. I did it the old fashioned way with writing pad and matching envelopes all hand written

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 20/11/2018 07:20

Totally rude.

SlippedMyIdiom · 20/11/2018 07:42

Etiquette suggests that newlyweds have a year to send out their thank you cards. DH and I did it within the week so it was fresh in our minds.
They may be utterly wiped still and taking a break. Do you know anyone else that attended with whom you could check?
They may also have gone by their ceremony invite list and therefore forgotten you...evening only guests aren't expected to bring a gift. Or it could be a simple mistake: do you know how many horror stories there are of MOH being in charge of inventory and then getting smashed and not remembering who gifted what?!
I'd give them the benefit of the doubt because I willingly went and gifted because I wanted to help them celebrate their day, not because I wanted a thank you (even though that's absolutely what should happen).

ScreamingValenta · 20/11/2018 07:48

Yes, it's rude. They might be planning to send them out later, but in my opinion, thanking people for their gifts should take priority over posting more and more photos of the event on Facebook, certainly now you are months down the line.

NancyDonahue · 20/11/2018 07:51

Not even a text/email thank you?

Sheer rudeness. People think the bloody world revolves around them.

junebirthdaygirl · 20/11/2018 08:24

I would not complain until at least 6 months. We have got them at that stage when l had nearly forgotten l was at the wedding. Couples get those cards with a wedding photo on so l suppose it all takes time so don't decide on their manners yet.
That said there are others we have never had a thank you from, orally or written and it is very rude.
When we married we ( me) handwrote a proper personal letter to everyone but that was in the day of personal presents. Now its mainly cash.

LucyMorningStar · 20/11/2018 08:29

Did they say thank you when you handed the gift over? Or did you leave it on the present table?

MemoryOfSleep · 20/11/2018 08:33

It is rude. Is it possible the card got lost in the post? Or that they thought they handed it out already? You could ask them, are you enjoying the....?

FrancisCrawford · 20/11/2018 08:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ohyesiam · 20/11/2018 08:35

It’s rude. Another good reason why we are saying no presents ( or cash!).

Iloveacurry · 20/11/2018 08:57

It is rude. We did ours within a month.

recraft · 20/11/2018 09:04

We had a thankyou card about six months after a wedding, I think it's worse than not sending one at all. It just a reminder of their rudeness when you'd forgotten all about it.

Tawdrylocalbrouhaha · 20/11/2018 09:08

Did they definitely get the gift, and know it was from you (ie wedding list)? Or was it left on a table where it could have got separated from the card?

Dumbledoresgirl · 20/11/2018 09:16

I wrote my thank you letters straight after the honeymoon, except for one gift. It had no tag to tell me who it was from. When I checked, there were only 2 guests with no present attributed to them, both school friends of mine. The gift seemed more in keeping with one friend, but she was extremely poor at the time and I could have imagined would not have had money for a gift. The other friend was comfortably off but the present didn't seem her thing. I didn't know what to do. Send a vague letter of thanks to both? But one had clearly not given us anything. I agonized for weeks and in the end sent neither a letter of thanks. I still wonder to this day which one thought I was insufferable rude. Blush

Blobby10 · 20/11/2018 09:42

25 years ago, I did ours the week after we came home from honeymoon so 3 weeks after the day itself.

however didn't it get reported that Harry and Meghan only sent their out last month which was nearly 6 months after their big day?

HellenaHandbasket · 20/11/2018 09:44

They may be utterly wiped still and taking a break.

Utterly wiped? From their wedding, which is basically a big party? I assume these are fully fledged adults and not a pair of 4 yr olds who still have an afternoon nap?! 😂

chocatoo · 20/11/2018 09:48

It can take a while. We wanted to have mums and dads with us when we opened them as many gifts were from their friends. After factoring in honeymoon then logistics of getting both sets of parents together it was at least a month before we even opened them! Then needed to write the notes. But not months.

LaurieMarlow · 20/11/2018 09:51

Etiquette says you have six months so I wouldn't write them off until that point.

It does take some time to go through photos, design the card and write a personalised note to all the guests.

NotUmbongoUnchained · 20/11/2018 09:52

We just stuck a post on Facebook like everyone else I know. I’ve never received an individual card or letter. I’d think that we a bit weird tbh.

TheTurnOfTheScrew · 20/11/2018 09:56

I think text/email/WhatsApp is fine nowdays, as long as it's a personal "Thank you LND80 for the beautiful vase" and not a group "Cheers for all the presents".

FrancisCrawford · 20/11/2018 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SilentIsla · 20/11/2018 10:26

Some people have no manners. Pfft

bridgetreilly · 20/11/2018 10:34

They may be rude, but I really don't think you should be offended by it. Life's exhausting if you want to take offence at every possible thing. If I were the bride I'd be tempted to be offended that you thought coming to the wedding was such an onerous task.

Umbongointhejungle · 20/11/2018 10:36

Not something I could get upset about

LivLemler · 20/11/2018 10:49

Most people do the photo cards (which I love getting) as it takes a while to get the professional photos through, pick the ones for the card, get them printed and then write them - usually with a long personalised message for each one. Plus they'll prioritise the day guests before evening guests.

We got a card this week from a wedding in March. Another acquaintance who got married in July just got the photos this week, so she'll be doing well to have the cards out by Christmas.

Give it at least six months, and don't get cranky til a year I'd say.

But then I'm from Ireland which doesn't have as strong a tradition of thank you cards. We only do them for the big things - weddings, babies etc. Not as often as people on here seem to!

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