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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to kick his arse about my dead cat

97 replies

ShouldITellHimToDoOne · 19/11/2018 15:20

I shouldn't even be thinking about this today because I'm upset enough as it is. I have a partner. We don't live together. It's a weekend thing really with a view to it becoming more serious as time goes on.

I text him last night to say that my beloved cat had had a stroke (she had a series of problems) and that it wasn't looking good. I'd been to the emergency vet and brought her home with me after some treatment. I was devestated.

She died in the night. I am beyond sad. He knows what I'm like with that cat and how she meant the world to me.

I texted him this morning with the news after taking her little body to the vets for cremation so I can bring her ashes home to me.

I've had nothing back from him.

He doesn't have a job. He's at home all day sleeping and playing video games.

He wrote off his car last week (no injuries - but is looking for a new one - so I suppose he could be busy with that).

I'm actually past the point of caring, I think. AIBU to tell him to sling his fucking hook? Or would that be an overreaction?

I feel let down by him a lot. He never answers messages or the phone. He won't get a job. He talks about us buying a house together and all the rest of it, but is it too much to ask for a little message to say he's sorry about my cat? To look at his phone more often? To check in on me? He knows I've chucked a wobbler about this so many times in the past... so what's going on?

What would you do?

OP posts:
strumpetblowingatrumpet · 19/11/2018 18:27

Fingers make sure he doesn't have a valid reason, and if he doesn't, bin him OP 🗑 do you have a nice pic of your lovely cat? We lost our cat earlier this year, she was 19 - they become family and I'm sorry for your loss xx

strumpetblowingatrumpet · 19/11/2018 18:29

That was supposed to say *first - not sure where the fingers came from!!

Keletubbie · 19/11/2018 18:33

97% sure you're dating one of my ex boyfriends. He's a dick. Run.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 19/11/2018 18:38

I’m so sorry about your wee kitty. It is so heartbreaking to lose them. Flowers

Not awfully impressed with your man. Sure enough he might have seen your message late but he doesn’t sound like he has much get up and go and you sound truly fed up of him. I think your kitty’s passing is just bringing this to a head.

MamaLovesMango · 19/11/2018 18:38

A life being a crazy car women is 1000x better than a life with this compete bellend.

Dump him and be happy Flowers

MamaLovesMango · 19/11/2018 18:38

CAT

Confused
Maelstrop · 19/11/2018 18:47

He won't work and can't be arsed to text til 8 hours after you message. Please don't let this waif and stray move in, he's not a charity case. C'est un gaspillape de temps.

Loyaultemelie · 19/11/2018 19:06

Oh I'm so sorry about your tiny cat HmmThanks it really hurts. I lost one of mine very recently and funnily enough she was a wee tote too who just faded away and it broke my heart.
Bf does sound like an unsympathetic arse

ShouldITellHimToDoOne · 19/11/2018 19:51

Here she is.

To want to kick his arse about my dead cat
OP posts:
ShouldITellHimToDoOne · 19/11/2018 19:56

That's very outing, but if any of my friends are here, it doesn't really matter.
Thanks for all your support. You've given me a lot to think about.
He is diagnosed and was in a psychiatric hospital for three months a couple of years ago. It's because he went as high as a kite when I left him.
I do love him. But, I might be a natural "rescuer" and I need to get over that. I need to sort myself out a bit.
But for today, I'm just going to think about my child and my cats. They're my proper people.

OP posts:
Raffles1981 · 19/11/2018 20:39

Today 15:23 scatterolight

The lack of compassion over the cat is the least of your problems. He doesn't have a job and plays video games all day? You really need to ask?

End it. Today.

^^^ x1000

Unless he's a teenager, he sounds like a deadbeat waste of space. Do you really see yourselves living together and him changing his habits?

Raffles1981 · 19/11/2018 20:46

Ah, she was a beautiful puss. Im confident you gave her a home full of love. So sorry she's gone. Flowers

BettyBooJustDoinTheDoo · 19/11/2018 20:57

What a beautiful, beautiful little cat, I’m so sorry for your loss, they really become our world don’t they Flowers

WoodpeckersAreWood · 19/11/2018 21:12

I thought you might be a rescuer (armchair psychologist hat wedged firmly on head)

Stick to cats. And let people sort themselves out.

Ps loads of cats in a big old house sounds I would type more but I’ve got a gorgeous feline on my lap licking my hands as I type and it is very offputting.

WoodpeckersAreWood · 19/11/2018 21:13

*sounds lovely

Bloody cat

ShouldITellHimToDoOne · 19/11/2018 22:09

Thank you, cat lovers! I'll do some soul-searching. You've all be very kind. Straight-talking, but lovely. X

OP posts:
Ontheboardwalk · 19/11/2018 22:17

Lovely cat, sorry for your loss

I think you know what needs to be done. Unless there was a reason 8 hours to text you back is too long. He should have called but I reckon he’d say he didn’t have credit on his phone.

Lovingbenidorm · 19/11/2018 22:22

Beautiful cat, so sorry.
Dump him, really, dump him

ChiefClerkDrumknott · 19/11/2018 22:32

What a beautiful cat, I’m sorry for your loss. It’s very hard when they go

As for the boyfriend, what exactly does he bring to your life? Won’t work and is looking to be a cocklodger? Nope. You are not responsible for his mental health

DoctorTwo · 19/11/2018 22:48

Your cat was beautiful OP, as all cats are (natch).

A little story: many years ago I had a housemate who had a cat, a gorgeous ginger girl who decided i was her human. She'd sit at my bedside and meow until I lifted the duvet to let her climb in. A couple of times she kicked me out of bed (story of my life :o ). Early one morning she climbed into my bed and spooned against me. her fur felt lovely and soft against my stomach and I fell asleep, only to be woken at about 0530 by her struggling in my bed. I wondered wtf was happening so lifted the duvet to look. She was giving birth in my bed. I got out of bed and lifted her and put her under my bed so she had privacy. She had 4 kittens, which she'd bring to me at every opportunity, much to my housemate's dismay, and much to my delight. It was brilliant to be watching tv and having kittens dumped on my lap one after another. I adored that cat and she adored me. I was devastated when I found her after she'd been hit by a car, and my then gf was upset too, though she thought I loved the cat more than I loved her. :o

Sugarpiehoneyeye

is it just a little bit sad that the kind words of a stranger have made a grown man cry? Thank you. Not being sarcastic, I don't get many people being nice to me, so thanks. Not used to it.

And no, I'm not ashamed of having a little cry, why should I be?

pilates · 19/11/2018 22:48

Sorry for your loss 💐
Get rid of your bf, he sounds a loser

ShouldITellHimToDoOne · 20/11/2018 09:41

DoctorTwo, you sound fabulous! It's good to have a little cry! I hope some mad cat woman decides you're her human. And I hope there's an equivalent of you kicking about these French fields somewhere! :-)

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