Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to kick his arse about my dead cat

97 replies

ShouldITellHimToDoOne · 19/11/2018 15:20

I shouldn't even be thinking about this today because I'm upset enough as it is. I have a partner. We don't live together. It's a weekend thing really with a view to it becoming more serious as time goes on.

I text him last night to say that my beloved cat had had a stroke (she had a series of problems) and that it wasn't looking good. I'd been to the emergency vet and brought her home with me after some treatment. I was devestated.

She died in the night. I am beyond sad. He knows what I'm like with that cat and how she meant the world to me.

I texted him this morning with the news after taking her little body to the vets for cremation so I can bring her ashes home to me.

I've had nothing back from him.

He doesn't have a job. He's at home all day sleeping and playing video games.

He wrote off his car last week (no injuries - but is looking for a new one - so I suppose he could be busy with that).

I'm actually past the point of caring, I think. AIBU to tell him to sling his fucking hook? Or would that be an overreaction?

I feel let down by him a lot. He never answers messages or the phone. He won't get a job. He talks about us buying a house together and all the rest of it, but is it too much to ask for a little message to say he's sorry about my cat? To look at his phone more often? To check in on me? He knows I've chucked a wobbler about this so many times in the past... so what's going on?

What would you do?

OP posts:
Endofthelinefinally · 19/11/2018 16:27

What would I do?
Realise he doesn't give a toss and cut him out of my life.

happypoobum · 19/11/2018 16:27

He doesn't have a job. He's at home all day sleeping and playing video games.

Please don't inflict this waste of space on your child.

DontCallMeCharlotte · 19/11/2018 16:27

How does he feed himself? And pay for the roof over his head?

And I'm sorry about your cat - they worm their way into your hearts don't they? I'm still mourning one that died way back in February.

Definitely Cats before Twats.

SmallDalek · 19/11/2018 16:33

So sorry about your little cat. You have 10 fingers but if you chopped one off it would still hurt like hell so having another 9 at home is not the point and doesn’t make the loss any less painful.

The BF doesn’t sound a Keeper at all. He had no reason not to get in touch when you texted. I have every sympathy for people with MH issues but having one doesn’t give him carte Blanche to lay in bed playIng computer games indefinitely. It’s no life for you. He has shown you how he will be when you need him and it’s not good. Being overweight and single doesn’t mean you have to accept someone like your BF. You deserve way, way more.

SirGawain · 19/11/2018 16:35

He doesn't have a job. He's at home all day sleeping and playing video games.
This should be a big enough red Flag.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 19/11/2018 16:35

Does he have a diagnosis?

I don't think this is as clear cut as your initial post made out.

happypoobum · 19/11/2018 16:36

yeah he is a Cocklodger-in-Waiting.

RUN!

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 19/11/2018 16:40

Sleep tight tiny puss cat, I'm so sorry.🌹
OP, he is a self absorbed loser, dump his sorry arse, you can do so much better.
Your little rescue will make a big difference to the lives you nurture and save.
You can always lose weight, start by getting rid of that big lump, riding on your back.👍🏻

Andromeida59 · 19/11/2018 16:41

So sorry about your cat. One of ours died last year and I was beyond devastated.
You deserve better than he is offering OP. Do you want you child looking up to DP and thinking that that is how life should be? How can you buy a house if he isn't working?

Trinity66 · 19/11/2018 16:43

The BF doesn’t sound a Keeper at all. He had no reason not to get in touch when you texted.

I have to agree with a PP poster here who made the point about people being labelled "wrong un's" for not being surgically attached to their phones. Maybe it was on silent and he didn't hear it? Maybe it was in another room and he didn't hear it, maybe it was dead, maybe he was a sleep (the OP said he sleeps alot) I mean I still agree that the b/f doesn't sound like a great catch but the not replying to a message quick enough is a bit worrying for our future I think

PurpleTrilby · 19/11/2018 16:45

Sounds like an ex of mine, grand plans with no substance behind them, very intelligent but mired in his own grandiosity. Sweetheart, I'm sorry, but he'll never get a job, never support you and your child, never contribute to a mortgage. You deserve a partner with even a half decent job as an absolute minimum, it's not possible to do the things you've dreamed about otherwise. And I am so, so sorry about your beloved cat, you must be devastated, I can see why this has galvanised you now.

AnotherEmma · 19/11/2018 16:55

The fact that he has bipolar disorder (assuming it's diagnosed) does change my attitude a bit. If he's struggling due to mental health issues he's not a "loser". However, there is medication and therapy available, so if he wasn't engaging in treatment, I would encourage him to do so, and wouldn't wait indefinitely.

It does sound as if he has potential but the reality at the moment isn't good, sadly.

choli · 19/11/2018 16:58

He doesn't have a job. He's at home all day sleeping and playing video games.

Seriously, you need to ask?

RaptorInaPorkPieHat · 19/11/2018 17:08

He sounds like another of the 'waifs and strays'.

He doesn't sound like a keeper.

Sorry about your cat Flowers I'm sure you gave her a really happy life x

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 19/11/2018 17:08

He sounds a great catch . Dump him OP . There is no future there.

Sorry about your cat though. I have cats and have lost cats and, as you know yourself, the grief is just as real as it would be for a humans passing. Flowers

Poloshot · 19/11/2018 17:10

He sounds bone idle anyway regardless of the cat issue

UbercornsGoggles · 19/11/2018 17:14

'He won't get a job'

Run as fast as you can.

Lovemusic33 · 19/11/2018 17:16

Sorry for your loss, I know how much pets mean, I would be devastated if I lost one of mine (I know it has to happen one day). Maybe he doesn’t know how to respond due to his own mental health issues? I know several people who suffer with mental health issues who don’t respond appropriately to death, maybe because it’s not a big deal to them or because they just don’t know how to respond.

He doesn’t sound like a reliable boyfriend, maybe time to cool it a day, ditch him and eventually get more cats (cars are better than people).

PumpkinKitty82 · 19/11/2018 17:37

So sorry to hear about your little cat ☹️
I was absolutely inconsolable when my cat Spyder died.
He was a member of our family and he was always by my side .
If someone who was supposed to be close to me couldn’t be bothered to get in touch then I’d have no interest in them being in my life .
Yes it’s “just a pet” but these animals bring so much to our lives

CSIblonde · 19/11/2018 17:57

So sorry about your kitty. The BF sounds like you'd end up financing his chess playing life forever more and you deserve a more equal relationship.

woollyheart · 19/11/2018 18:02

Really sorry about your cat. Thanks

It sounds like your poor cat is more of a loss than he would be if you ditched him.

DoctorTwo · 19/11/2018 18:08

So, she's not just another cat.

No she's not. No cat is 'just another cat', they're all unique. I'm sorry you lost her but I bet she knew you loved her unreservedly.

If I had a steady place I'd be a crazy cat man. I'm with plenty of others: you're better off with the cats. Bonne chance mon amie.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 19/11/2018 18:14

@DoctorTwo, what a lovely post !

TimeToRevolutionize · 19/11/2018 18:18

He sounds like a lazy cunt

yesmelord · 19/11/2018 18:24

I'm very sorry about your cat Thanks

Your 'boy' friend sounds like a charm Hmm
I can't see what would be at all attractive about a lazy person who can't be arsed to get a job?
What possible future prospects could you have with this guy?