NC for this.
I'm tangled up in a toxic friendship. It's coming to a head, and I'm not sure how to handle it. Apologies in advance, this might go on a bit...
Friend in question is the sort of person who is 'the constant' in every shitty situation which happens to her. Her life is a mess, largely engineered by herself, she falls out with just about everyone she meets and as a result doesn't have many friends and has cut contact with her own family, and tries to disconnect her partner from his own family. She's incredibly moody and manipulative, but I've stuck by her for years and been her only friend and support, which unfortunately means I'm also on the receiving end of that bad bits. I should make it clear that we are "close" - we see each other once a week etc.
She and her partner got engaged a few years ago after their DD was born. I've had five dates in my calendar for her wedding now over the last few years, none of which have actually happened. Cue plenty of time spent wasted looking at wedding venues and suppliers which she never actually intended to book. This year, she settled for a date over a year away and sent out save the dates. She then magnanimously announced to me that she "wouldn't be angry if I got married before her". I wasn't even engaged.
Fast forward a bit. DP and I are now engaged (hooray!) and are getting married... A few months before her. Our circumstances are completely different, we want to start a family and would prefer to be married first, you get the picture. When I told her we'd got engaged, she didn't sound as excited as a lot of other friends. She made it clear that her primary concern was my availability to help her organise her wedding now. I felt like I had to ask her to be a bridesmaid because she'd kick off if I didn't (it's highly unpleasant when she does, weeks of the silent treatment, snarky texts and strops). She doesn't get on with any of the other bridesmaids (or my family... or friends... see where this is going...) and has already upset several other people in our wedding party. On Friday night she rang me to complain about the other bridesmaids and threatened not to come to the wedding. She changed her tune when I told her that was "a shame but up to her". Same again when she said she was going to cancel her own wedding because "this is all too much" (I haven't actually asked her to do or organise anything).
She's been 'off' with me this week for no apparent reason and after messages from other friends asking what her problem is - I've finally had enough. I feel like I've almost been gaslighted by this woman for years and I've finally seen what a pain in the arse she is, and now she's putting me on edge about my wedding as well. I realise this is partly my own fault for carrying on pandering to her for as long as I have but it's too much now. She's upsetting me, and now my other friends.
AIBU to want to completely cut contact with this person? I don't even want her at the wedding for fear of her either sulking in a corner or causing some sort of scene... Far less than having her as a bridesmaid. I know what I want to do, I'm just not sure how to go about it. Whatever I do or say, I'm pretty sure she's going to be vile about it. Please help MMers. 