To think this was obvious!

[GremlinDolphin1]

Only 1 dc and I eating together this evening. As I went out this afternoon we discussed dinner and she asked if we could have tomato risotto.

I said (this is the important bit!!) “yes, good idea and while I’m out can you just check in the greenhouse and see if there are any ripe tomatoes and let me know how many as I’ll pop to the shop on the way home and get some more and some Parmesan”

Text arrives in a bit “5 tomatoes”.

Fast forward 3 hours to me arriving home and starting to cook “Where did you put the tomatoes darling?”

“Oh I didn’t realise you wanted me to pick them, I just counted them!”

She had even had a conversation with her father as to why Mum wanted tomatoes counting and he just thought I was being a bit odd!!!

You didn't mention anything about picking them or bringing them in.
You said you wanted to know how many were ripe.
I would have just have counted and picked them when you were about to use them.

When I was helping put shopping away as a child, my parents handed me a four pack of loo roll and asked me to put it in the toilet. Guess what I did... 🤦‍♀️

One of my colleagues calls everyone darling and my husband asks our baby "Is that better darling?" after he gets a burp out of her.

OP, Clear communication should be used with people who lack common sense.

(even if I think most of you are lacking common sense!)

Charming

Clear communication should be used with people who lack common sense
And with people who have autism.
And, to be fair, with people who actually listen to what you say and don't just hear what they want.
If you want a certain number of tomatoes picking then say so. If you only ask for the tomatoes to be counted then a number is what you'll get. Don't blame others for your own shortcomings

Dd has autism

We have learned to make sure we communicate clearly every step she needs to complete a task

Eg we ask her to fill the kettle

Response - kettle filled but not actually turned on

Ask her to turn watch a pan whilst I pop to loo

Response - she watches pan bubble over

Makes life interesting at our house

Thank you so much for all your responses - I have enjoyed reading them (even if I think most of you are lacking common sense!)

Isn’t it rather lacking in common sense to have simply assumed your daughter would know how many you wanted for a dish you are cooking? What was wrong with saying, once she’d told you there were five, ‘Great - can you pick them all?’ If there had only been two and you needed five, would it have been down to common sense for her to think ‘I’ll pick these two and obviously Mom will buy more?’

I wouldn’t be throwing stones about common sense if I were you - you know what they say about glass houses. But then again, your greenhouse is so far away that it’s the equivalent of a trek up the Andes to go back later for the tomatoes, so it’s probably safe 🙄

I would have counted them. When she said 5 you should have replied "Thanks. Please can you pick 4 of them?" Or however many you wanted.

The postscript to this is that her other job yesterday was to fill the bird feeders (as she does every weekend) and when I got up this morning they are nearly empty again - she filled them with seed rather than peanuts so the seed has just slipped through the gaps!!

She is only 14! And clearly I am assuming too much common sense so will be more specific in future! X

I'd say this was poor communication from you rather than lack of common sense from your dd.

Presumably the bird seed had “bird food” written on it. It was reasonable to fill the bird feeders with it.

I hope you’re not telling your daughter you don’t think she’s got a lot of common sense.

I'd have answered "5, shall i pick them?"

But I'd have phrased the question "Can you see how many tomatoes we've got, and pick any that are ripe ready for tea"

I've learned to be explicit in my instructions after telling an autistic boy to "Take a seat" (whilst waiting to speak to my boss) and him picking it up and bringing it to me.

What if she had picked 5 and you’d said ‘I only need 2’. Or if you’d said ‘5 isn’t enough, we’ll have something else’.

I really don't think this is a lack of common sense from your daughter.

It definitely seems to be poor instruction and a lack of common sense on your part tbh. Why on earth wouldn't you have told her how many you need?? I just don't understand the theory that she should assume you want ALL the ripe tomatoes to be picked. How is she to know how many are needed for a risotto for 2?

You sound like my DM OP 🤣

Spent half my childhood getting told off for doing exactly what she told me because I didn't 'use my common sense' and do 3 other things related but not mentioned.
And the other half getting told off for 'using my initiative' but then getting it 'arse first' or because I hadn't just done what I was told and no more!

Come to the conclusion that until I can mind read it'll not get better...... And I'm 40 😉

Clearly going against the grain here but I think you were clear! You asked if there were any ripe (to be used) and to for her let you know how many so you could top up. Perhaps this is just from many years of green houses though.... We had - wait for it - six!

Your poor dd. To be smug and dismissive of your own child is terrible. She did nothing wrong, she did exactly what you told her.

You are making her the scapegoat of your own lack of common sense in realising you need to give clear instructions, especially to a child.

I hope her dad has more common sense.

I wouldn't have picked them. Presumably the greenhouse isn't a bus ride away so it's not particularly important if they're on the side or still on the vine.

I am another that would have counted them, as you asked her. She didn't know how many you needed, maybe only three of the five, in which case the other two might have ended up being wasted.

I call my dh darling and various DC I know, plus the dogs/horse.

I call my DP Darling

As an adult, I'd have texted ' there are 5, do you want me to pick any?' In fact as they are not very close to home, I'd have called to be sure of an immediate answer. I wouldn't expect a child to do.that though

I call my sons darlingheart and darling all the time so that part's not unreasonable!

I pretty much call everyone darling, lovey, cariad, sweetheart... Even though I know their names. It's just what I do (DS2 also has about 50 cheeky nicknames; he just seems to attract them)

I call my kids darling too. Also ratbag, scallywag and monkey.