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Original poster

Cost split, what is fair?

71 replies

jrebec86 · 17/11/2018 20:28

Hi, I've created a new account to post this but I'm a regular user.

Me and DH have been together for 10 years and have 2 daughters (6 and 4) I've been given an allowance of £300 a month since I started maternity for DD1.

I've recently worked out that per month if we split everything evenly I should have £700 a month left for my spending money from my wage.

DH says that I should be supportive given he supported me through two year long maternity leaves and a long period of being part time.

What is reasonable? How do other people split finances. My income is 30% of the household income do you think my salary should pay towards 30% of household expenses or 50%.

Please let me know what you think is fair/reasonable.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 17/11/2018 20:30

We just have a joint account tbh

Orlande · 17/11/2018 20:32

Put everything in together, pay your bills and then split the rest.

So if you earn £300 and he earns £700, and your bills come to £800 - you each get £100 spending money.

CloserIAm2Fine · 17/11/2018 20:34

You’re a grown women with an income of your own and he gives you an allowance?

Red flag!

In many relationships one partner earns more than the other, and they support each other through periods of lower earnings due to maternity, illness, redundancy, disability etc. Your maternity leave is not something to be held over your head for ever more (also the fact that it was maternity leave to recover from giving birth to and to care for HIS children!!!)

HellenaHandbasket · 17/11/2018 20:34

Proportional cost split when married with kids.

But we just have a joint account tbh, everything goes in there.

LagunaBubbles · 17/11/2018 20:34

DH says that I should be supportive given he supported me through two year long maternity leaves and a long period of being part time

I will never understand people like your DH. "supported" you during Mat leave? Oh that's big of him isn't it. Me and DH pool everything. Sometimes he's earned more than me and vice versa. And it doesn't matter because we are a couple, a family. I couldn't live with someone like your DH.

CottonTailRabbit · 17/11/2018 20:35

In our house it would be 30% income = 30% bills.

He is saying you owe him so he gets more spending money until the debt to him is repaid.

How much does he think you owe him and when will you have paid it off. Hmm

NotUmbongoUnchained · 17/11/2018 20:36

We have separate accounts, I would never have a joint account. Bulls are split 50/50.

Howhot · 17/11/2018 20:37

DH says that I should be supportive given he supported me through two year long maternity leaves and a long period of being part time.

You could argue you saved him substantial amounts in childcare costs.

I find a joint account far easier.

OwlinaTree · 17/11/2018 20:38

What a dick.

roses2 · 17/11/2018 20:39

You also supported him by being home and not having to pay for childcare.

What is his reason for splitting money equally after bills have been paid amd money set aside for savings?

Antigonads · 17/11/2018 20:39

Making my head hurt.

Joint account.

SecretLimonadeDrinker · 17/11/2018 20:40

All money is joint and we get equal disposable income. This is my second mat leave and for my first I only had smp, we adjust spends to account for the changes in our joint income.

I wouldn't be happy to have an allowance, esp if his disposable income was a lot more.

Do you have visibility of your household finances?

ArcheryAnnie · 17/11/2018 20:42

DH says that I should be supportive given he supported me through two year long maternity leaves and a long period of being part time.

He didn't "support" you at all. You created a family together, you each took different jobs within that family. You could just as equally say that you "supported" your DH by birthing then looking after his children so that he could continue without a break in his career.

You shouldn't have an "allowance" because you are not a child being given pocket money. It's family money, and you have just as much right to decide how it's spent as he does.

PurpleDaisies · 17/11/2018 20:43

Who called it “an allowance”?

He supported you during maternity leave? Presumably the only reason you were on maternity leave was because you both decided to have children.

Original poster
jrebec86 · 17/11/2018 20:50

For a little bit more clarity - both our salaries are paid into a joint account. This money then pays for all bills, household expenses, kid expenses/activities and things me and DH do together (e.g date night).

I get given £300 into my own account to spend on going to lunch with my friends, new clothes that kind of thing. Obviously there is £400 missing but DH works away for work and says he needs more for costs he gets from this but he's getting around £800 a month for himself with the rest going in savings.

I was just wondering how other people manage things, and I do feel so grateful because I never worried/thought about money while on mat leave/part time. its only has its gone up that I've started to look at it. :(

OP posts:
Original poster
jrebec86 · 17/11/2018 20:50

He used the expression allowance but obviously at one point he was the one giving it to me.

OP posts:
dementedpixie · 17/11/2018 20:53

So is there money in the joint account you can access? If it's in your name too then you have the right to spend money from it

PurpleDaisies · 17/11/2018 20:54

Why do you need an allowance if you’ve got a joint account? Why couldn’t you be trusted to spend sensibly?

dontalltalkatonce · 17/11/2018 20:55

He's been bilking you for years. He didn't support you, you compromised your earning potential to enable him. What a dickhead. But he's got tons stashed away and loads more disposable income. Only a total asshole would behave this way. 50/50 is for flatmates.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 17/11/2018 20:55

Who’s savings? If just his, do you have your own?
Tbh we don’t nit pick every thing we buy to 50/50, nor do we have a joint account. Tends to be we alternate the weekly shop, things I buy for our daughter sometimes my OH will pay sometimes me.

dementedpixie · 17/11/2018 20:55

Increase the standing order?

Original poster
jrebec86 · 17/11/2018 20:56

I have the joint card and use the card for it, but if I was to spend money at the shopping centre using it my DH would ask what I'd bought for the kids and would be agitated if I'd used it for things for me as its for necessities and things for the girls.

I don't know why I can't be trusted, pre kids we didn't have arguments about money.

OP posts:
ChoudeBruxelles · 17/11/2018 20:57

Get a separate account and pay 50% of bill and keep the rest for yourself

ferntwist · 17/11/2018 20:58

Wow, that’s a big difference in your respective ‘allowances’. Very unfair. You’re both putting in as many hours, just on different things.

MereDintofPandiculation · 17/11/2018 20:59

Two possible ways which seem "fair" to me

  1. Joint account for bills, both put in an equal % of your income. So you might both put in 80% of your income and keep 20%. Of course the person with lower income has lower spending money left over

  2. Joint account for bills, put in whatever amount means that you both have an equal amount for spending.

While we were working, we did 1). It started with DH contributing more, but when my earnings overtook his, I was contributing more. Once I retired we moved over to 2) because it didn't seem fair to me that he should forever have less spending money than me when there wasn't a lot he could do about it.