Cost split, what is fair?

[jrebec86]

Hi, I've created a new account to post this but I'm a regular user.

Me and DH have been together for 10 years and have 2 daughters (6 and 4) I've been given an allowance of £300 a month since I started maternity for DD1.

I've recently worked out that per month if we split everything evenly I should have £700 a month left for my spending money from my wage.

DH says that I should be supportive given he supported me through two year long maternity leaves and a long period of being part time.

What is reasonable? How do other people split finances. My income is 30% of the household income do you think my salary should pay towards 30% of household expenses or 50%.

Please let me know what you think is fair/reasonable.

If he's away for work does he not get expenses from them? Why does your salary need to subsidise his work related travel?

equally all the way

I struggle to get my head round these arrangements, especially when a couple are married. We chuck everything into a joint account and either of us can spend what we like on whatever we like. It's called trust, and why would anyone get married and have children without it?

The fact you use the words “ get given “! No no no

In terms of work expense he gets a lot of extra costs just because he works long hours and there certain things he can/cant expense and I believe a percent of what is expensed he pays

I trusted him when we got married and only recently have I started to question, dont think it should particularly be a question of my choices.

Do you have joint access to the savings?

He sounds very controlling in respect of money. I really dislike him referring to your own money as an allowance.

This is modelling very bad behaviour for your daughters.

• the man is in charge of the money and needs more.

Absolutely bizarre that you're married and a family unit and your money isn't just all in one big pot.

I never understand why people marry someone they don't share everything with and expect the same back.

It’s not that unusual to keep everything separate

We’ve been married 13 years and it’s never been a problem.

Bet he's had 'allowance' increases over the past 6 years.

Fuck that, there's no way I would let someone control me in that way.

Me and dp both transfer equal amounts into a joint bills account then everything else is our own. I earn around £300 a month more so inevitably have more to play with so I tend to pay for shopping and things for ds but we are both pretty chilled about money and have no problems asking/telling the other we need money.

DH says that I should be supportive given he supported me through two year long maternity leaves and a long period of being part time.

well just hand over an invoice - make sure you include the cost of carrying a baby, and looking after said baby, and getting up in the night to feed the baby, and then ask him for his half
Bet he wont like that!

We have a joint account and then separate ones for our spending money. It used to irritate me being able to see what DH wasted his money on so now I prefer not to know. I have always earned a lot more but our individual spending money is the same each month with the balance going to bills and savings.

Bill him for childcare,see how he likes that

He's controlling and financially abusive. You shouod have the same amount disposable income.

What kind of things can't he expense? It sounds like bullshit to me.

Does he buy stuff for himself without asking you?

Financially abusive wanker.
Do your calculations bet you’d get more in maintenance.

That is shocking OP. Don't stand for it.

You wasn't doing him a favour. You were raising your children. You don't owe him. I'm furious for you.

I think you need to ask him to keep a note of everything he spends in a month and explain exactly what he claims on expenses and what he doesn’t.
I would be surprised if he did this willingly but he should justify the inequality.

We share everything, joint account - problem solved

I don't think anyone can comment on what will work for another couple to be honest. What if one person was aspirational, specialised in a career, took on extra workloads to build a reputation etc and was now earning a good salary and the other was happily just doing a low level admin job with no intention of progressing their career.... should they then split all of the money 50:50?

Not every stay at home parent gives up a high flying career and great prospects for the sake of the family.... some people just like not working.

OP definitely not saying this is your set up. I'm just pointing out circumstances differ amongst people. Only you and your DH can come to an agreement you both feel is fair.

Get fit- yes we split the money 50/50 whatever the salary.

Me and my husband have a joint account we just buy what we want, we don’t have a set amount each, isn’t that that point of a joint account?

When he works away, he has expenses that are not covered? BOLLOCKS. If it's a genuine work expense, it's covered! Maybe you should look at what he's spending when away........whatever it is, it's part of his 'allowance' which should be equal to yours!

Agree with Daily, joint account, spend responsibly, we don’t need to justify to each other who spends what on a lunch out, new pair of shoes or whatever. But we clearly both have the same attitude towards money. I can’t imagine having a child with someone but yet not being prepared to share a bank account.

Salaries go into our own accounts and then money for bills is transferred to the joint account, 50/50. Whatever is left is our own to do what we want with. I have no idea what DH earns as he's self employed and it varies month to month (he tells me if I ask, I'm just not really bothered). It's not for everyone but it works for us.