Cost split, what is fair?

[jrebec86]

Hi, I've created a new account to post this but I'm a regular user.

Me and DH have been together for 10 years and have 2 daughters (6 and 4) I've been given an allowance of £300 a month since I started maternity for DD1.

I've recently worked out that per month if we split everything evenly I should have £700 a month left for my spending money from my wage.

DH says that I should be supportive given he supported me through two year long maternity leaves and a long period of being part time.

What is reasonable? How do other people split finances. My income is 30% of the household income do you think my salary should pay towards 30% of household expenses or 50%.

Please let me know what you think is fair/reasonable.

Well he better hope his job doesnt go tits up.Hope he can live on air

Our wages are paid into our individual accounts then we pay a % proportional to our take home into the joint account for bills. We have included £200 extra on top of bills to cover going for lunch, days out etc.

I earn 55% of the household income so I put in 55% of what is needed for all bills plus our £200 frivolous. OH puts in 45% What's left is ours to do as we see fit.

I'm on stat mat pay now so OH keeps what he needs for his bills, phone etc , keeps £50 for ad hoc spending during the month and everything else goes in the joint. I put all my pay in the joint for bills and we just about cover the bare minimum. Any extras come out of my savings.

Once I am earning again we will be back to normal. No question of me somehow owing him for being on mat leave. I am looking after our child...

I would definitely not be happy with your OHs attitude with money.

I don’t understand how you came to the £300 amount

I don’t get people who continue with separate accounts after having dc. It’s illogical and impractical.

DH earns a lot more than I do. Both salaries go into a joint account which we both use to pay bills, stuff for the kids and also personal spending. We both have a similar attitude to money so it works for us. I think if I was with someone who was financially irresponsible / rash / extravagant though (or someone who queried or resented my spending) I'd want separate accounts.

What a complete and utter tosser.

You could sort it out and have equal spends after bills and savings. (my husband and I have totally separate finances but have worked out the bills so that we have the same disposable income)

Personally though, I think he has shown you what he is and what he thinks of you, so the only financial calculations and redivision you should bother doing are those on Form E*.

• financial declarations for divorce

Do you need/want more than £300?

I think this is relevant. Dh and I have never had a joint account, never bothered to get one. he earns a lot more than me and thus pays for most things. I'm never short, and if I was I'd just ask him to transfer more and he'd say yes. I'm sure he has far more disposable income than I do, but he has a far more expensive hobby so that's fine.
If you're married, and the savings are all in one persons name, it doesn't matter does it? I thought it was all shared in a divorce. Am I wrong?

3 months combined wages in a separate account for, illness, redundancy.
Then 3 linked accounts. 1st account 60% of combined income for mortgage, bills, transport etc living costs.
2nd account 20% wages for savings for holidays, cars, big purchase items.
3rd account 20% wages for splurging, hair cuts, dinners out, theatre tickets. Spending limit of $200 before consultation required with OH.

If you're married, and the savings are all in one persons name, it doesn't matter does it?

Naive. If he decides to leave you but doesn't tell you about it right away, he has all the time in the world to make that savings disappear.

In terms of work expense he gets a lot of extra costs just because he works long hours and there certain things he can/cant expense and I believe a percent of what is expensed he pays

Thsi is bollocks. No one pays a percentage of their work expenses.

Yes there might be personal things he can’t claim like drinks in the hotel bar at night. But that’s the same as you going out for drinks with your friends. And they don’t cost £100 a week unless he’s drinking a bottle of champagne each night.

He is lying to you and ripping you off.

YOu married a dick.

We don't split finances. Shared accounts, shared everything. My husband earns more than I did pre-kids, but I levelled things out a bit by paying off the mortgage with the sale of my (smaller) house when we got married. So much easier to pool everything.

'allowance' - wtaf. You earn money and are 'supported' - presumably you made the babies, gave birth, did more than half the parenting - but you get an 'allowance'!?

It's incredibly controlling and you have normalised it. Mean, controlling men are the ultimate turn off for me - however, presuming you love him and want to be with him then take a stand because what you are describing is horrendous. In answer to your OP - our money goes into our account and pays our bills and then we spend money according to our means.... there are no percentages or allowances.

He has always been the main wage earner and I have been both a SAHM then a wage earner, but with me doing more life admin, childcare etc and on a lower salary. If he had ever once over the last 18 years suggested an 'allowance' I would have told him to fuck off to the far end of fuck and then fuck off some more...seriously, you're either a team or a superior and an inferior and your OP sadly makes it very clear what he considers you to be.

When he works away, he has expenses that are not covered? BOLLOCKS. If it's a genuine work expense, it's covered!

This ^^

My work has a limit on the cost of each meal, so that you don't order caviar and lobster thermidor and champagne every time, but apart from that, all work expenses can be claimed back. Our former CEO claimed for every cup of coffee!

If it looks like a duck ...

He sees what's his as his, and what's yours as his, too.

It sounds like he’s using your money to subsidise his expenses. This isn’t a big deal to fix. Just open a new account in just your name that only you have access to, get your salary transferred over, go to the bank where you have your joint finances and withdraw 50 percent of it. Then going forwards tell your DH it’s 30 percent of your salary or NOTHING.

Wonder what he's spending the rest of the cash on whilst he's away?

been given an allowance

Why by, sure that allowance is yours, have you agreed what you will take, or have you honestly been given it ?

What are you charging him for 'childcare'

Separate accounts here. DH paid mortgage, utilities, insurances, holidays, school fees, etc.

I paid children's clothes, my stuff, children's extra activities, phones, haircuts, etc, run my car but dh replaces.

DH for a long time earnt ten times more than me. Now about 2 times more.

Oh, and when I went back to work in 2003 he started paying me an allowance for dc's stuff and food rather than me giving him a monthly account and settling it. That was in addition to my earnings that I kept.

Why have you accepted so little? Time to make a change, OP. You chose to have a family together, so why does he feel he "supported" you? Presumably you did the majority of childcare, housework etc during maternity leave without having to pay the extortianite fees of childcare. You're the reason he has all that spare money! Sit down and have a chat and find what works for you both. Some people like to split 50/50 and some like percentages based on their income. It's up to you, but your current set up sounds crazy.

Me and DH have a joint account where all income goes and all the bills come out of. We each get the same amount of spending money (not much atm) and put whatever is left in to savings. We're saving to buy a house. I've been a SAHM for almost 3 and a half years and not once has DH given me an "allowance". Everything is still 50/50.

This is awful, his attitude towards your maternity leave - ie raising children you had together, and Thai whole “allowance” thing. It’s almost as though he’s suggesting you’re in debt to him. Oh, and he’s point-blank lying about expenses. Lying. Lying. Lying. I couldn’t be with a man that used money to control my life, and considered your maternity as something he treated you to. He sounds like a fucking pig to me.