To call my sons friends when I’m worried

[DaniEvans]

Hi ladies, this is my first post

Just wondered if you think IABU

My DS is 13 and is an outdoors type - always out with his friends- hardly in.

He’s absolutely useless at answering his phone and sometimes if it’s dark and I’m not sure where he is naturally I give him a call- (I text first) he never answers which really annoys me

There have been occasions where I’ve been beside myself worrying so I’ll call one (or more) of his friends to see if they know where he is. (We have an iPad which has all his contact info in)

I’ve told my DS on many occasions to answer his phone or at least text me but nothing! My argument is if he answered his phone I wouldn’t need to contact his friends

My DH thinks this is an absolute no no as he’s then mortified when his friends are like ‘yeah your mum has been phoning me!’
AIBU?

Perhaps you need to arrange a time for him to be in and only call if he hasn’t come back by then?

I can see why he’s mortified by his mum ringing his friends.

If he's going out after dark and not answering his phone then IMO he needs a consequence until he stops doing it.

What NotANotMan said

Well I wouldn't be letting a 13 year old out on their own after dark. Nor would I be letting them out if they couldn't be trusted to answer their phone, or at least return my call quickly.

Well if he's mortified he can pick up your call so you don't call his friends.

13? You should really know where your 13 year old is! Just ‘out’ isn’t good enough.

I'm with your DH here, sorry. Terribly cringey for a 13 year old lad to have his mum call his friends. This time of the year it gets dark quite early, I'd go with Daisies suggestion.

Can you link his phone up so you can locate him (assuming his phone is on him) at anytime? I think that if he isn’t going to be responsible enough to tell you where he is, when he will be back, and answer his phone, then it is reasonable to be mortified by you calling his friends. After all, they manage to answer their phones so why can’t he?

Yeah I guess it is a bit embarrassing for him. Maybe I should stop

He turns his data off so the find friends all is ineffective

Yeah, YABU. I don't think it's on that you are phoning his friends. If it were once, in an emergency, fair enough but I wouldn't be thrilled if you kept calling my kid to check up on your own.

Find friends app I meant to say

If he can't learn to pick up his phone and tell you where he is, he can't be out when it's dark. Surely that's fair!

What is it that’s making you phone him? Is he not back when he is supposed to be?

Why do you need to call when he is out? Surely you know when he is due back so why text or call him before that?

I can understand if he is late home though.

I do this too . If he won’t answer his phone and I need to get a hold of him. Doesn’t happen often.

I just want to ‘check in’ sometimes or ask if he wants me to order a pizza or something. His time to come home is 9pm and he’s generally pretty good, maybe I should relax a bit and stop embarrassing him 😂

But on the occasions I have called his friends it’s because he’s not back when says and it’s dark

He’s 13 not 31. If he’s out with friends past the time you’ve told him to be home, he isn’t answering his phone or contacting you, you are a million percent reasonable. It’s not cringeworthy to make sure your children are ok.

So, you're ringing his friends to see if he wants pizza?

Just leave him be. He’s having fun with his friends and not glued to his phone which is a good thing.

Sorry, xpost

He texts you to let you know where/who he is with or he loses the privilege to stay out late.

Your 13 year old child is out in the dark til 9pm and you don't know where?

Why wouldn't he want pizza? Doesn't he just eat what you've got when he gets in? That couldn't be a little excuse to contact him could it? Anyway, agree with the others, leave him alone unless he's late - like at least 15 minutes late.