To ask you to help me see sense? Please.

[littledarkage]

Hi there,

I've only posted once before but I'm always a lurker! I'm currently having a terrible time trying to decide what's right after my relationship broke down.

To put it simply, he wants to get back together. It was 5.5 year relationship, my first and only, we split mutually at the start of the year but it was initiated by him.

I'm struggling to decide what's right. Do I give it another ago? Especially as he's keen? Or cut ties once and for all?

I'm going to do my best to summarise but appreciate it is difficult asking strangers.

Pros:
He gets me, I'm a little odd but it never fazed him
Always felt comfortable being myself or having lazy days together
Similar taste it music and film, holidays etc
Pretty similar morals and values
Very occasionally has taken me surprise by big gestures I.e my birthday took me abroad to see my favourite artist

Cons:
He is angry - I grew up in an angry household and I can't stand it
Doesn't support my mental health despite issues of his own
Called me a c* several times
Told me to get out of his sight several times
Once and only once whilst drunk pinned me to the floor by my neck
My family aren't really very keen
Rejected my kisses on several occasions
Massive hypochondriac

We split 8 months ago but since he has wanted to meet or go on these odd dates which aren't really dates, one times he unexpectedly kisses me and the next shows no interest.

I'm utterly confused by it all. Sorry that was an essay but thanks for reading!

Can't thank everyone here enough xx

Let's face it, if you have to write a pros and cons list to decide whether a relationship is worth keeping, it's hardly going to be your dream scenario is it?

As others have said, walk away and don't look back - find someone who deserves you instead.

You do not need to justify your decision to him. Your decision just is.

You’re a woman and a half op.

In my book even name calling is unacceptable.
If someone can turn from rational human to angry name caller you will always be on tenterhooks, and therefore they will always have all the control ,which is no way to live.

Good luck in your new freedom x

Amazing news!!!! [santa] Christmas on the horizon and a new life dawns

What he can’t believe is that you found your voice,and used it

Embrace your freedom. Good on you.

Oh, OP. The cons very, very definitely outweigh the pros. I'm really sorry.

You can competely block him out now! Take all the avoiding action you can. You have shown him the strength of women, and he's confused. Jolly good

Dear God, NO!

Do not take this abusive asshole back.

Clearly you made the right choice OP

Well done on making the right decision. He could have been moments away from killing you when he pinned you down by the neck.

I'm glad you told him 😊 hopefully it'll feel like a weight off, if not now then soon.

If that's him 'trying to win you back', the facade of niceness didn't last long did it? One wrong step (i.e you not doing exactly what he wanted/expected/felt entitled to) and he's dragging you down again.

Breathe a sigh of relief and don't forget that you deserve better.

OP, please stick to your decision & don't let him worm his way into your head. What if next time he strangles you, it kills you? Please don't put yourself in that situation. Embrace the freedom. 2019 is your year.

So that's a unanimous NO. No going back on it!

Well done for saying no to him. Well done for listening to all the advice. Stay strong and hope you meet someone worthy next time. X

I probably sounds a little silly but my goodness, the support I've received is incredible.

The kindness of strangers is so inspiring.

His cruel comment are coming in and for the first time ever I feel strong - couldn't have done without all of you, I'm really overwhelmed.

OP, I don't mean this unkindly, but if your first post is completely real then I think you need to get some support from a Domestic Abuse agency. Look on your council's web site or Google to see what is on offer in your area.

Also, be very wary about contact with him. I assume from your later posts that you are communicating by text - DON'T meet him in person right now. Given his previous behaviours, you may not be safe now that you have rejected him.

Thank you - my first post is completely real. I think I just minimised everything and the physical was a one off and he was so apologetic, but I know deep down it wasn't right. I feel a fool really but its a really difficult and confusing time, with so little support in real life so very grateful to everyone here.

The physical thing makes it a flat no from me as well. I would cut off communication with him tbh.

You’re not a fool, but please learn from this, and place your value alot higher next time.

Those cons weren’t factors to be weighed up against pros, those were danger signals. Warning signs for immediate action. You may not have known quite what to do with it, but you obviously were concerned enough to ask on here, so you’re not far off being able to protect yourself!

Well done, and please don’t let him badger you into submission.

He’s NOT a nice man, and he won’t be a good partner for you, no matter what he promises or how much he bullies you. He will hurt you, worse and worse each time, and you’ll find it harder and harder to escape from him

Hi I just wanted to agree with all but also to say most of us would consider ourselves odd and quirky in our own way. This does not mean it's harder to find someone or that we should settle for someone who treats us badly. It's the quirks and oddities that make us special. You will find someone. This guy is definitely not right for you. I think mumsnet is unanimous so hopefully that has settled it for you

Keep going OP and don't look back. This is your chance to break the cycle of anger and move away from it.