Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grown up nieces not acknowledging cousins birthday

67 replies

B15Girl · 16/11/2018 20:05

My DS was 13 a few weeks ago and my two grown up nieces, 25 & 28 didn't send him a card or get him a present. Elder neice is even his god mother. We are a close family and we all went round to GPs for a meal the day after his birthday and even had a birthday cake with candles but not even a card was forthcoming. Both have good jobs and earn way more than me and I know it's not about giving to receive but I always buy them nice birthday presents often with no acknowledgement. DS has knows he didn't get anything from them and looked very dejected. Do I say something or just let it go? I am really cross about it.

OP posts:
MemoryOfSleep · 16/11/2018 20:08

Just stop getting them stuff. I don't buy things for my cousins and wish my aunt would stop buying for me but no matter how many times I say that we aren't doing presents she just keeps doing it! I'm also pants at organisation, which doesn't help.

dementedpixie · 16/11/2018 20:09

My kids cousins don't buy for them and I don't expect them to. Stop buying them stuff off they aren't reciprocating

Iloveacurry · 16/11/2018 20:09

Stop buying for them for a start.

HurrahMoaningMyrtle · 16/11/2018 20:10

Has he had birthday presents from them in the past? Maybe they've decided that now he's a teenager they're no longer going to buy for him. No excuse for not buying a card though.
Are you going to continue to buy for them?

ChaosTrulyReigns · 16/11/2018 20:10

I think I'd say something to my son, if he looked dejected, tbh. He needs to manage his emotions wrt expecting gifts.

Your nieces are probably very busy and time slips by quickly, I think they probably meant no malice.

MorelloKisses · 16/11/2018 20:11

I don’t think cousins typically buy for each other. Aunts and uncles for nieces/nephews, yes. Cousins, not.

jpclarke · 16/11/2018 20:11

They might just think when there mother buys for him, that they don't have to.

charlestonchaplin · 16/11/2018 20:14

Take their lead. Maybe they'd rather you didn't get them presents. Apart from the fact one is his godmother, I wouldn't expect anything from them. Cousins often don't acknowledge each others birthdays. If you lead your son to believe he should receive gifts from them he will be disappointed. Otherwise he probably wouldn't have thought much of it.

FullOfJellyBeans · 16/11/2018 20:15

I imagine they've never been in the habit of getting gifts for family as they think their mum buys that stuff. It's immature but probably not personal. I would stop buying for them though.

MorelloKisses · 16/11/2018 20:15

I’m also a bit surprised you made a minor a godparent

ShadyLady53 · 16/11/2018 20:16

There’s a similar age gap between me and my cousins and an even bigger one between me and my sibling who is also my Godparent. I’ve never received gifts or cards from either my dozens of cousins nor my sibling/godparent either now or as a small child. I only think it’s weird that my sibling hasn’t acknowledged birthdays throughout my life. I certainly wouldn’t expect it from adult cousins. I wouldn’t expect my nieces and nephews who are now late teens to remember my future children’s birthdays.

I didn’t know gifts to cousins was a thing until this thread!

granny24 · 16/11/2018 20:17

Oh for heavens sake. Never bought for cousins etc. Life is too short.

museumum · 16/11/2018 20:18

I have never exchanged gifts with my cousins but did receive from my aunts up to 18 and still get a xmas gift from my surviving aunt.

We buy for our nieces and nephews but don’t expect them to exchange with our dc when older.

cheesefield · 16/11/2018 20:28

We don't buy for cousins.

CherryPavlova · 16/11/2018 20:32

An aunt buying for a niece is different to cousins buying for each other.

tried20names · 16/11/2018 20:32

I don't buy for my cousins, my mum does that. I do sometimes wonder whether I should have started once I moved out or had my own children but seems too late to start now

ShadyLady53 · 16/11/2018 20:36

Should probably add that in our family we also stop buying birthday and Christmas gifts for nieces and nephews at 18 apart from a special gift for 21st birthdays, graduations, marriage etc.

FadedRed · 16/11/2018 20:38

I've never bought for cousins, part from weddings, baptisms or 'big' birthday parties I've been invited to. I've got hundreds of the buggers, so would be in debt if that were a thing. Grin

Bernina · 16/11/2018 20:39

But their mother or father probably buys something for your son which is the same as you buying for them.

vdbfamily · 16/11/2018 20:45

I think this is all about family norms and expectations. If they have always bought your son a present, maybe they just forgot but none of my adult neices/ nephews buy for my kids but then I would just message a happy birthday to my brother's, unless a big birthday and my neices/ nephews would get a card and a fiver and one of my brother's and one set of grand parents do not do cards or presents. Try to teach your kids that we give because it is a good thing to do but should not EXPECT anything in return.

hazeydays14 · 16/11/2018 20:45

I don’t buy for my cousins but my dad does and vice versa with my uncle.. we’re both in our 20s now, cousins are a bit younger but not as young as your DS. I don’t expect my uncle to give us anything for our birthday but he still does, we’re always greatful and send a thank you text or call though.

Me and my sister send a card from both of us but mainly because we rarely get to see our cousins now despite being very close growing up.

mylightbulbmoment · 16/11/2018 20:47

I never bought for my cousins, my mum and dad did, but I didn't. And my kids don't buy for theirs. YABU sorry.

PatriciaHolm · 16/11/2018 20:52

What has happened in previous years?

EvaHarknessRose · 16/11/2018 20:53

Adult nieces and nephews don’t need presents and they are probably signalling this. Aunties and uncles in our family send a card and a tenner or two until age 18.

PreseaCombatir · 16/11/2018 20:56

Did their mum or dad buy for him? That would be the same as you buying for them surely?!?
Stop buying for them either way, they don’t acknowledge it, and you’re upset now and it’s tit for tat

Swipe left for the next trending thread