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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Grown up nieces not acknowledging cousins birthday

67 replies

B15Girl · 16/11/2018 20:05

My DS was 13 a few weeks ago and my two grown up nieces, 25 & 28 didn't send him a card or get him a present. Elder neice is even his god mother. We are a close family and we all went round to GPs for a meal the day after his birthday and even had a birthday cake with candles but not even a card was forthcoming. Both have good jobs and earn way more than me and I know it's not about giving to receive but I always buy them nice birthday presents often with no acknowledgement. DS has knows he didn't get anything from them and looked very dejected. Do I say something or just let it go? I am really cross about it.

OP posts:
Windycindy · 17/11/2018 01:45

He was confused that they came to the meal, ate the cake and didn't give him a thing when his other two cousins did.

He was or you were?

Wednesdaypig · 17/11/2018 05:22

So an uncle has to send nephews and nieces cards AND their children otherwise he doesn't get anything himself? How lovely and not at all petty.

Sisgal · 17/11/2018 05:31

Offs! YABU!! Grow up

mylightbulbmoment · 17/11/2018 07:15

Because not everyone gets the same from the same people. He will have to find a way to deal with this and your job is to help him do that, not ramp up the drama and hurt feelz.

ForalltheSaints · 17/11/2018 07:17

A card would have been the least they could have done.

jesuispissedoff · 17/11/2018 08:36

I think it's weird. I'm 28 with 14 and 11 year old cousins and I never forget their birthdays (or just random presents as I live abroad and only see my family 4/5 times a year), but I am exceptionally close to them and my auntie, and I don't bother with any of my other cousins.

MondayImInLove · 17/11/2018 08:37

He was confused that they came to the meal, ate the cake and didn't give him a thing when his other two cousins did
That doesn’t sound like a 13yo, more like his DM.....

I can imagine the cousins buy for your DD because they have more in common with her and see her as a friend.

llangennith · 17/11/2018 08:46

We don't do cousin presents but I can see that you'd find it odd that they didn't even get your son a card as it seems to be a thing in your family.
I'm surprised a 13yo boy would notice they hadn't given him cards or presents, maybe you commented on it?
As others suggest, move on from it and don't buy for these nieces again.

eddielizzard · 17/11/2018 08:56

I think part of the problem is they treat him and his sister differently. That's really not on.

Birdie6 · 17/11/2018 09:01

They are nieces and they are adults. Two good reasons to stop expecting gifts and to stop getting upset when they don't send or acknowledge gifts. My guess is that they are trying to tell you something and you've been oblivious to their signals.

bellinisurge · 17/11/2018 09:07

I have this. I spent time and money on my nephews and nieces . There is a big age gap between me and siblings.
Both they and their parents never really bothered to help or even check in when my dd was little. I was pretty poorly so it was pretty shitty of them.
Now dd is older, they find it easier. One sibling checks in regularly. One cousin bothers a bit.
I still love them but because they are family. DD's cousins were good when my mum (their gran) died but not with my dd , more generally.

trancepants · 17/11/2018 09:34

Cousins don't buy for cousins in my family, regardless of the age difference. You buying for your cousins and their parent buying for your DS are the equivalent.

Original poster
B15Girl · 17/11/2018 19:28

Well I think that's me told. For the record DS brought it up which is why I was cross (because he noticed and spoke to me about it). I haven't said anything to him about it other than I don't know why they didn't get him anything. The point is they normally do buy but this time nothing. He has seen his cousins numerous times since and there is no atmosphere. I wouldn't dream of bringing it up in front of him which is part of the reason I asked on here, to discuss and debate!

OP posts:
cptartapp · 17/11/2018 19:57

We have never ever bought or received presents from cousins. At any age. Just let it slide. Not as 'close' a family as you thought maybe? And there's nothing wrong with that.

daisypond · 17/11/2018 20:08

Never known of cousins buying each other gifts or acknowledging each other's birthdays - maybe they say happy birthday on Facebook, though. But we wouldn't give gifts as aunties or uncles to our nephews or nieces either.

RangeRider · 17/11/2018 20:47

Adult nieces and nephews don’t need presents and they are probably signalling this.
This ^^. And I never knew cousins exchanged cards or gifts. It's always been aunts that have done the sending.

BlackberryandNettle · 17/11/2018 20:51

I've never bought for my cousins and wouldn't expect my DC's older cousins to buy for them. Adults in the family tend to buy for the younger generation, no presents between same generation except between siblings. Otherwise, where does it end?

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