To worry he will enter my room without permission

[Flappypants]

...so how (What) do I rig something up to prove it he has opened the door?

Background is EA, narc STBXH (the 130mph speeding one some people may remember from last summer). We ended up in a refuge and he moved out in early July. The divorce is HORRIFIC. And unbelievably expensive. He's practically stalking me now and has asked if he can collect some things from the house tomorrow. I agreed.

I know he will slither about and snoop and pry and I want to make it crystal clear that he is under no circs allowed in my room. How can I prove if he's done it despite my request and without him saying I've staged a photo proving that for example a small piece of paper has fallen out from where I've put it?

He has this ability to still get me in a tizz although I'm happier, more confident and more together than I've been in ten years. I have stood up to him, made him accountable and he hates it that I have not rolled over and done what he wants...he warned me he would make this bitter and he is as good as his word.

I've even reconnected with an old flame (happens to be the love of my life) and have high hopes for the future, whether alone (single) or involved with A.N. Other.

Help appreciated.

Don’t allow him inside. Do you have a sharky lawyer or not? Is the house in your name or his?

Irregardless pack all of his belongings up in a box. Consider getting the locks on the front door altered. Please protect yourself and your child as well.

He has stopped send g solicitor letters but is instead messaging or emailing me direct. He is currently saying DD2 has nappy rash and that she had poo on her on her bodysuit when he had her the.other day. It's the third reference he's made to nappy rash and I'm terrified he's building a picture of me neglecting her. The DC came back from a weekend with him CRAWLING with lice. I didn't kick off. DS came home with poo ago around his anus. I didn't kick off. Both DC come back after weekend contact utterly shattered (DS has some physical limitations and STBXH just poo poos me and says I'm stunting him...having never attended med appointments and now saying I either didn't tell him about them.or actively prevented him from coming ).

Have friends there. If you don't have any friends nearby because the fucker isolated you while you were married, speak to either the police DV unit and see if they are willing to send an officer round, or Women's Aid, who may be able to send someone round. Remember that no matter what this prick says, you are perfectly entitled to have a visitor round to make sure he behaves himself, even if there is some kind of court order which means he is allowed to collect his belongings (tbh it sounds very unlikely that he is allowed inside the house - his stuff can surely be put on the doorstep for him to collect).
The trouble with abusive shitbags is that they tend to convince you that they are above the law and can do what they like - it's bullshit.

Is he following the undertakings? I’m fairly sure it will say he can’t harass you which he clearly is. So if he isn’t following said undertakings why should you? Box his stuff up and have it waiting where he can easily get it.

Have someone with you!

And babies get nappy rash. Just send her to his with cream. If he says she has poop on her bodysuit reply why on earth would you allow our dd to go around with poo on her. Turn everything back on him. You were in a refuge. Everyone you have come in contact with sees him for who he is. He can build a case for neglect all he likes- no one will believe him.

Put the arrangement off until you’ve had time to put a secure lock on your door. Put anything you don’t want him to snoop through in your room and lock the door

Have people there with you. I understand why you cannot lock him out of the house without the relevant legal work in place. Those suggesting this need to get a clue about the legalities of this. It's amazing you got him to agree to give notice to enter the house.
I agree it shouldn't be your new whatever. But there has to be friends or family, even the neighbour, who can stay with you. Not only as a witness, but also for moral support which will be needed.

Oh and evidence. Do you have a laptop with a camera? Set it up facing the door and record.

I take it you won't be there when he goes to the house, OP?

Glitter bomb. Not sensible but imagine his miserable face caked in glitter.

Glitter bomb. Not sensible but imagine his miserable face caked in glitter.

^This

Can't you gather up all his possessions and hand them over to him next time he wants something so that he no longer has any excuse to come into the property?

Love the glitter bomb idea. Suspect it would land you in a whole world of legal poo, but can you imagine?!?!

Agree with other posters, make him attend with a police officer. A relative of mine had to do this a few years ago. Given the circumstances, I am sure they will attend.

Can you get a friend to be with you or find all his stuff and post it to him instead? He sounds creepy.

As far as the children, I'd suggest you keep a diary regarding issues surrounding their care /condition when with him. Date, time , notes & observations. Record of contact & cancelled contact and why. It's not evidence per se, but it does provide information that may be useful at some point.

I'd be willing to bet he's doing similar.

Under no circumstances is he to enter your home, whether you are there or not. Ring women's aid and ask them where to go for help in preventing him from being in your home and arranging the collection of his stuff.

So are you still going to allow him in ?

Your room - put a lock on the door. You can do it easily by putting a little metal hoop (the ones you twist in ) in your door and one on the door frame. Get a cable tie and secure. Put it above the handle so he can see it. Also text him to let him know your bedroom is locked. This means if he forces the door he can't say he didn't realise it was locked.

Take photos of any hospital correspondence and send the photos or text him details. This is proof you have informed him.

Don't not say anything about condition children come back in. Make notes in a diary. Take pictures and question him via text or email.

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with such a horrible man. Be incredibly proud that you have managed to leave him as so so many don't get that courage and stay.

You need a proper non-mol and occupation order sorted out. www.ncdv.org.uk/are-you-suffering-domestic-abuse/how-the-law-can-protect-you
They are a non profit and will do this for free for you.

Instead of a glitter bomb how about a big cup of glitter behind the door? Impossible to clean up quickly and always leaves a trace.

I hope you get things sorted, he sounds like a right arsehole.

Please be safe, OP. It's clear he's done a number on you but safety is your and DC top priority. Do what is necessary to ensure all of your safety. And hugs to you for getting this far, as I am sure the point to here must've been hard. Keep going. :) Be strong.

OP you seem resistant to having other people present, even though it’s the obvious solution. Why is that?

Put a lock on the outside of your bedroom door.

I think you need someone there to monitor what he is doing and what he is taking.