DP going on boys trip

[lookingforasolution101]

I'm expecting to be told IU but I really don't think I am.

DP came home the other night, there had been no issues before hand, as soon as he walks through the door he says 'we are going to fall out. I have been asked by A to go with A and B on holiday to X and I'm going'.

I took my DP to X last year for his birthday so he doesn't even want to go there, he is going to ask the friends to change the destination. But the way the message was written by A is 'Me and B are going to X, want to join?' it would be for a friday-sunday (around work) in January.

So it's annoyed me for a few reasons:

1. his approach was rude and very selfish.
   
2. we have a small puppy together, there seems to be the expectation that I will then just look after her that weekend, there was no 'do you mind because you will look after her and i'll do one weekend when you want to go away'
   
3. it felt like a kick in the teeth because i've spent ages and thousands of pounds booking this special birthday surprise abroad for his birthday over Christmas period. I take him every year but it's his 30th so more of the costs fall on me as he said he will not contribute this year since he is 30. I tried to get his friends to come along (all have the money to do so) and they said no, as it's Christmas time I understood so then arranged a surprise birthday party for the week after we get back ( a week before he'd be going to X) his friends seem non-committed and it has really called into question how much these friends care about him.
   
4. we are putting our house on the market and both work full time so viewings can only ever be at the weekend - this means we either write that weekend off (which I think is silly) or I take sole responsibility of ensuring the house is presentable for that time.
   
5. X is one of the most expensive cities in the world, think half pint of beer £12, it prevented us doing much when we went there last year. I am already contributing more to the next house's deposit as I have more money saved.
   
   For any relevance I'm 24 and have only been in work 2 years but in a very good career. I earn minimally more than him, I am always better with money and all responsibility with arranging things is on my shoulders and I just feel taken advantage of in this situation.
   
   Sorry it's so long, but what do you think should happen, what kind of negotiations?
   
   If he'd asked nicely, my first port of call would have been whether or not these friends would either want to go anywhere other than X because if not, it would be pointless as he wouldn't want to go.

[dontalltalkatonce]

He's using you. You're a fool to put up with it, but you seem determined to carry on so best of luck. He's a wanker. Stop enabling him and paying for his fucking holiday.

[Quartz2208]

OP this isnt a sustainable relationship or a man you want to have children with.

I would not buy another house with him

[Coyoacan]

It sounds like you have settled down too soon. You are over-the-top generous with your dp and then complain about his ingratitude. Thousands of pounds on a birthday is madness. You have taken on the responsability of a pet that means you can't just go out and about as you wish, when otherwise you could both, together or apart, be free as the birds.

I don't say that he is wrong or that you are wrong, but it does sound like you not carving out a good life for yourselves.

[Butteredghost]

Sorry but I still think the puppy thing is a non issue. Yes, you won't be able to do anything that weekend. It's just one weekend though. Enjoy it at home, watch movies, get take away, play with dog and relax!

However I know when you are arguing about bigger issues like finances, the little annoyances begin to take on an outsized role in your thoughts.

[freshfoodpeople]

he is going to ask the friends to change the destination

How rude and presumptuous. I hope they tell him to get lost.

The other reasons for him not going are non-issues.

[Tattybear16]

I think you both have some growing up to do.

It all sounds very petty. Do you have a problem with him going out, as he was so defensive about going away when he arrived home. Cancel the birthday arrangements, save your money from the gift and the kennels. Its just a dog, how are you going to behave if you’re lucky enough to have kids. The viewing is presumably one day and by arrangement, you can say no. What would you do if you became ill, and people couldn’t view. I think you seriously need to evaluate your relationship again, you say it’s not about money, but your original post is?

[Biancadelriosback]

I never ask DHs permission to go away for a weekend. And if I've read this right, it's going to be mid January anyways? So youve got plenty of time to make arrangements?
I wouldn't ask DH if he minded watching our son so I could go away, or offer to do the same for him. We just do it. We check the calendar, pop it in, and tell the other person. Done.

[BombBiggleton]

1. Getting a puppy was a pretty ill thought out decision. You are in no position to yake on the responsibility of a dog.
   
   
2. You aren't arranging 'Suprise ' anythings if he knows where he is going and is expected to pay for it. All you are doing is deciding where you are going.
   
   
3. Never commit to suprise parties without checking if people are up for it. Especially around Christmas.
   
   I think the back story here is the lack of respect and resentment you show each other, hence the way he approached this lads trip .
   
   I would give the puppy up, you obviously can't give it a decent life , maybe wait until you have a more appropriate house andcworking pattern.

[BinglyBunglyBoops]

I think this extends beyond the weekend away. He sounds generally quite selfish. This is your life, change it if you aren’t happy.

[shakethatass]

I think you both sound a bit immature tbh.
What is one weekend? You sound a envious, and maybe a little controlling.

I'm older and wiser now with kids and a boring responsible life. I think you should both be doing things like this when you are young and you can... stop worrying about who looks after the puppy! You take a weekend away another time

[Amanduh]

I wouldn’t ask my husband’s permission to go on holiday or for him to look after the dog.
It’s his dog too he can look after it when i’m away. As Bluntness said

If you're not happy with your relationship deal with it. But he's a grown up and if he wants to go away with his mates he can, with out your permission and yes it would be reasonable you'd look after your own dog without him having to ask you nicely if you'd mind.

Yep.

[RedSkyLastNight]

YW both BU to get a puppy. You (both of you) clearly struggle to look after it within your current lifestyle where any slight change to circumstances (taking on extra work, going away) mean huge amounts of stress. Also not fair on your mum (who doesn't live locally by your posts) that she has to keep popping round to check on it.

I'd rehome the puppy and decide whether you want to
a) be a couple but living a carefree life for now
b) be a couple and start making plans for the future
c) split up because you want different things

[Santaclarita]

I would be cancelling his birthday holiday and kicking him out. He doesn't care about you and will always prioritise himself before you. Rehome the puppy too.

You're young and you'll find someone else. Do not buy a house with him. It will be the biggest mistake of your life.