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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think he doesn't realise I fancy him?!

79 replies

Trixibelle1983 · 15/11/2018 22:05

There's a guy at work that I really fancy. I've been dropping lots of hints but ge never seems to act on them but never backs off or encourages me to back of either. I think he might be attracted to me but just be totally unaware of my signs. Have you ever met a guy like this who really needs it spelling out and who doesn't pick up on hints? I think I'm being reasonably clear but maybe not. I know that the other glaringly obvious answer is that he's just not that keen...but my 6th sense is telling me he is. I would really appreciate your thoughts please.

OP posts:
Original poster
Trixibelle1983 · 15/11/2018 22:57

garethsouthgatesmrs we talk about 'relationship' stuff all the time, as in past relationships. I suppose I'm terrified of asking him if he fancies anyone in case he says yes and it would really hurt.

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Original poster
Trixibelle1983 · 15/11/2018 22:58

Laiste, I like the idea of studying him and hos responses in that way.

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Original poster
Trixibelle1983 · 15/11/2018 22:59

The maddest part of it all is that I have never been so close to a guy, so open with him about everything..... except this one really important issue!!

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Singletomingle · 15/11/2018 23:03

We sometimes misread and second guess the signs. Being flirty might be taken as being friendly. We often think we are misreading obvious signals for all sorts of reasons and I sometimes we just dont want to take the leap in fear of rejection or worse.

NameChangeToAvoidBeingFound · 15/11/2018 23:05

Ask him, my friend told the guy she likes on Monday that she likes him, wasn’t reciprocated but she felt better once she got it off her chest. And as far as I’m aware she’s fine and they’re still good friends.

Go for it, it doesn’t have to end for disaster.

Original poster
Trixibelle1983 · 16/11/2018 01:12

Thanks for the lovely advice.

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Lovingbenidorm · 16/11/2018 01:15

Ask him out!
Unless, of course, you’re enjoying the game

halfwitpicker · 16/11/2018 01:22

So how are you actually flirting?

FrozenLikeIce · 16/11/2018 05:01

Ask him out. Sometimes you need to be that obvious for a man to realise what is going on.

An ex was like that, but with the added difficulty that I had to do all the pursuing - he never text first, rarely ever sought me out. So one day I told him the next time we meet I want it to be counted as a date. We were together a good few years. He had been seriously burnt in a previous relationship and did not want to get hurt again.

Let us know how it goes!

Alfie190 · 16/11/2018 05:41

I have always known when somebody fancies me. When I have had to go seeking for the signs and try to analyse and interpret, it has without fail been because I fancy the guy but it is not reciprocated. I'd leave it alone.

NottonightJosepheen · 16/11/2018 05:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pigeondujour · 16/11/2018 06:34

I have always known when somebody fancies me.

Same. It sounds like OP does know though. OP, in my opinion this is where texting comes in handy Halo

Original poster
Trixibelle1983 · 16/11/2018 07:56

Lovingbenidorm, I enjoyed the game at first but now it's hurting.

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Original poster
Trixibelle1983 · 16/11/2018 07:58

halfwitpicker Lots of smiling, lingering eye contact, slightly inappropriate intimate conversations. Plenty of bonding over common interests.

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Original poster
Trixibelle1983 · 16/11/2018 08:00

pigeondujour, I do push the boundaries with texts. He sends me warm, interested replies but never crosses the imaginary line. But he also never gives me 'back off' vibes.

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Laiste · 16/11/2018 08:06

Have you ever got drunk together? Alcohol can make inhibitions dissolve.

Is he a 'go-getter' type in the rest of his life? Or is he a sit and wait and see sort of personality?

Nat6999 · 16/11/2018 08:10

I've got a friend who I went to school with, we chat regularly, I've dropped hints like a ton of bricks that I fancy him like mad but he never takes the hint, I've come to the conclusion that men are thick when it comes to things like this.

DerelictWreck · 16/11/2018 08:12

Stop playing games. Just ask him out rather than all the drama and second guessing

Original poster
Trixibelle1983 · 16/11/2018 08:15

Laiste no we haven't but there are plans to in a couple of weeks.

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ShatnersWig · 16/11/2018 08:19

I'm a man. And I happily admit I am hopeless at picking up supposed signals. You'd need to pretty much spell it out, especially if you were already a friend.

memaymamo · 16/11/2018 08:20

This is how my DH and I got together. We were so close, having meals, sharing life stories etc, but when I finally put my cards on the table he was shocked. It just hadn't occurred to him. Thankfully we decided to go out to a nice restaurant as a date and see how things went. He is not a smooth, charming character at all, he's pretty straightforward and a bit oblivious when it comes to women and flirtation.

Nearly 20 years, three children later, I'm very glad I confessed my feelings.

I say find a quiet moment and tell him.

Original poster
Trixibelle1983 · 16/11/2018 08:22

Laiste he's a wait and see, not very brave, gets carried along by life type of person. But he's also very strong willed and has good morals. He's not a pushover.

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Original poster
Trixibelle1983 · 16/11/2018 08:24

Nat6999 ha ha!

I show my friends some of the texts I send him and they say wow, you're really putting your heart on the line there. But still he doesn't seem to realise.

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BlueUggs · 16/11/2018 08:24

I do think a lot of blokes are oblivious! You might THINK you're being blatant, but I'll bet you're not!!

woodhill · 16/11/2018 08:25

Just be friendly and see how it goes. Is he definitely single?