WIBU to ask DH to postpone night out?

[Thatsnotmypony]

I've been around for years (penis beaker, naice ham, old korean lady etc) but have name-changed for this. I can't tell if I'm being unreasonable or not as I'm completely exhausted so may not be thinking rationally.

I had a baby just over 2 weeks ago and also have a 5 year old. DH has gone back to work and is out of the house from 7am until 7pm (at the earliest, often closer to 8pm) every day.

I developed an infection so this week I have been prescribed a course of strong antibiotics which are doing their job but unfortunately have knocked me for six with unpleasant side effects including drowsiness (just what I need with a sleepless newborn!), nausea, headaches and diarrhoea. I've got a few days left until I finish the course. Have also been feeling quite low and been really tearful the past couple of days. I don't think I'm depressed, I think it's the antibiotics as for some reason they always make me feel emotional but I'm sure the tiredness and hormones are making it worse.

Last week DH's friends decided they needed a night out to "wet the baby's head" and he was getting lots of messages on their group WhatsApp trying to fix a date. He asked me if it would be ok and I agreed as at the time I was feeling ok so they have arranged to go out this weekend. DH rarely goes out but when he does (especially with these friends in particular) will be on a bit of a mission and be very hungover and frankly useless the next day. No big deal as it's a rare occurrence but right now I feel so ill and so, so tired. After struggling to cope on my own all week I just want some help and to catch up on some sleep this weekend.

Would I be unreasonable to ask that they postpone their night out until I'm off these vile tablets, free of the infection and things have settled down a bit? DH works really hard and is absolutely brilliant with both DC when he's here so I don't begrudge him the odd night out. I just feel like I'm drowning right now

YANBU he needs to look after his family right now.

He can go out with his mates when you are better

Do you have your dps around to ask for help? If not and you sound very unwell do ask him. There is nothing as bad as being sick, alone with a small baby.

TO be honest you should not even have to ask of course he shouldnt go out

But yes tell him you cant cope and it need rearranging

You are so not being u. I would 100% ask him to postpone if I were in your shoes

Definitely not unreasonable. Can you ask him to rearrange the night out for another time soon, to show it's not you mind the night out per se, just that you'd rather be didn't go right now, whilst you feel so rubbish?

I hope you feel better soon. Congrats on your new baby!

You are not at all unreasonable you’re experiencing a change in your current health and you need support and rest so you can improve. He can always go out and celebrate at another time. If he refuses I’d be mad as hell. If he does go out as planned he better send in a helper for you such as a family friend or relative. Good luck.

You shouldn’t even have to ask.

Incidentally, do you get to ‘wet the baby’s head’ at all?

june my DP's are really helpful but they are away this weekend unfortunately so not an option.

I feel like I should be able to cope on my own and I'm getting frustrated with myself for finding it so hard. I stupidly thought it would be easier second time around.

Incidentally, do you get to ‘wet the baby’s head’ at all?

To be fair, if I wanted a night out with friends DH would be more than happy for me to but I don't think I'll be ready to leave the baby for a while yet. I know what you mean though, basically his mates fancy a night out (they're all married with kids) and they're using our baby as an excuse. Just say you fancy a night out!

My DH and I both agree that YANBU - at all! He was more horrified than I was that your DH is even considering it! I would hope he’d be aware enough to postpone of his own accord but let’s face it - some folks don’t have that part of their brain in gear! Talk to him, you’re not being horrible or taking any liberties - he has a responsibility to you and your DC before anybody else... a piss up can wait!

You shouldn't have to ask, and of course YANBU

I would hope he’d be aware enough to postpone of his own accord but let’s face it - some folks don’t have that part of their brain in gear!

He's very much the sort of person who deals with what's in front of him at the time whereas I'm one thinking ahead. So come Saturday evening he may well offer to stay at home but he probably won't give it any thought until then iyswim. The thing is, I'm already worrying about it (I'm not normally anxious but there's just so much going on at the moment) so I would just like to know now that I've got some respite coming up at the weekend instead of him being out Saturday night and spending Sunday nursing a hangover.

YADNBU

Feel better soon

YANBU OP- Just explain to DH how you’re feeling I’m sure he’ll understand. My DP certainly would - you just had a baby.

If he says -sorry lads X isn’t very well and I need to watch the kids this weekend!

Totally not unreasonable, ask him to postpone. Or at a minimum stay off the booze. Bet he'd rather postpone! 😉

You have a two week old and he wants a night out and a hungover day?!?! That alone is enough to think poorly of him. Of course he should not be going anywhere when you add infection to the situation. You need rest.

Your DH sounds very reasonable OP so I'm sure if you explained how awful you feel from the infection, antiBs, tiredness and hormones he'll be fine. Especially if you say he just needs to postpone a week rather than cancel. I hope you feel better soon, and congratulations on the new baby.

Well, I take back all the nice things i've said about him on this thread. DH has just come downstairs to find me crying (again) and asked me what's wrong. I told him that I'm feeling really poorly from the infection and the side effects of the tablets, that I'm exhausted and that I keep crying for no reason and then getting annoyed with myself for not coping better . He gave me a cuddle and made me a cup of tea, told me I'm a brilliant mum and I shouldn't be so hard on myself etc etc... then a little while later, I'm just about to ask him to postpone his night out and I notice he's looking at his phone so I ask what he's doing and he says "oh I'm just booking a table for Saturday, we thought we'd get some food before we go out for drinks".

So I've just told him how physically and emotionally shit I feel and literally a few minutes later he's organising his night out. It's really not like him to be so utterly thoughtless. I know I can't expect him to read my mind but surely it should have occurred to him that I need a fucking break after the conversation we've just had?? I was so hurt I didn't know what to say. I just walked out the room.

I wouldn't lower myself to ask him to postpone.

If he can't work this one out for himself then you have come to know him a little better.

I would remove myself and the kids this weekend and not be at home when he gets back.

I would remove myself and the kids this weekend and not be at home when he gets back

I don't have anywhere to "remove myself" to.

Why the fuck should the OP's parents help out so her DP can have a night on the lash?

Just ask. My DH would be the same. To him, it would be a whole different time in the future unrelated to how I'm feeling right now. He also is very able to convince himself of this even if a nagging thought at the back of his head knows he shouldn't. But if I raise it, no problem. There's no point putting yourself through him being out this week because you want him to offer. That's cutting your nose off to spite your face. It would be better if he offered but since he's not going to, ask him.

Say "if I still feel this shit on saturday morning you're going to have to cancel so I can get some sleep. The thought of no real respite at the weekend then you back to work Monday is making me really miserable". You can add that it would have been nice if he's noticed this himself, if you want.

To be honest you need to ask him outright to take the day off tomorrow and stay in all weekend - time to roll up his sleeves and look after his wife and kids forst and foremost. But you do need to tell him this OP, he doesn’t sound like the mind reading type.

How about meet half way - he goes out for a meal with his friends, but comes home afterwards. No reason anyone needs to go on the lash and get hungover.

Say "if I still feel this shit on saturday morning you're going to have to cancel so I can get some sleep. The thought of no real respite at the weekend then you back to work Monday is making me really miserable". You can add that it would have been nice if he's noticed this himself, if you want.

You're probably right. I'm just hurt that after hearing me talk about how crap I was feeling his mind apparently then went straight to "hmmm shall we go for Indian or Thai on Saturday?" instead of thinking about what he could do to help me. A cup of tea and a cuddle isn't going to cut it.