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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Was I out of order or bus driver

127 replies

Alwaysbekind2014 · 15/11/2018 15:51

DD age 5, has mutiple disabilities including organ failures she has a special chair although she can walk is mobile for short periods of time. However she is attached to IV bags for 16 hours.
This morning we had a hospital appointment but we had to take her attached to things as nothing has finished yet.
So at the bus stop there is 1 stroller and is with daughter in chair.
Bus arrives and I needed to get on it there was no way we could of waited. The stroller managed to get on first but as she was getting on I did shout over to driver there’s a wheelchair, as there was another stroller already on. He didn’t care and then once I got to door I asked if we could get on, he said only if we didn’t block the aisle which we would of as at this point the lady had parked by the other stroller and wasn’t moving.
This is a London bus that clearly states pushchairs much make room for wheelchairs and they have priority.
Anyway so he shut the doors and I took a photo of the front of the bus.
He then re opened the doors and told us to get on and asked the strollers to make room he then shouted and slammed his door to his seat area on front of my 5 year old that it’s a pushchair and it isn’t my job.
In the end the aisle was blocked and I stood with chair by bars holding on. ( visible equipment attached to the back )

OP posts:

yumyumpoppycat · 15/11/2018 17:03

I have only really seen people go out of their way to make space for wheelchair users, including bus drivers ordering people to move in anticipation. BUT it is not that often I even see wheelchair users on the bus - which is probably because it is generally very difficult. Even if 2 out of 3 times everyone is helpful there will always be the stress while waiting for the bus that this will be the occasion that people are going to be twats.

gilmoregal · 15/11/2018 17:04

The person with the pram/pushchair who got on at the same time as you is the worst imo. She should have just waited for the next bus,

The bus driver too is an absolute arse.

I will say though I've seen people say before that people should just fold the pushchair up but unless your child is a toddler in a stroller this probably isn't possible and definitely wouldn't be easy. My pram takes two hands to put down and back up, along with usually has my shopping in the basket so couldn't go down and where would baby be as I'm folding it down?

Original poster

Alwaysbekind2014 · 15/11/2018 17:05

Sirzy she isn’t quite 5 yet ( 1 months time ) but was easier to write 5 😂

OP posts:

BewareOfDragons · 15/11/2018 17:06

Bus driver has a difficult job, but that doesn't excuse him from refusing to do it. He only did it when he thought you had him on film ... shameful. Please report him.

yorkshireyummymummy · 15/11/2018 17:06

What IS IT with people nowadays?
When my DD was little I had a bugaboo which, while fab, was a nightmare to fold down because it didn’t go ‘little’.
I was in a queue once for a bus in Manchester, DD in buggy, someone came along with a lad of about 12 in a wheelchair.
Along came bus, I got on , pushed DD into buggy space. Bus driver told mum she couldn’t get on bus with son in wheelchair as there was no space with myself and another buggy on the bus. It was staring to rain just to make things worse.
This mum looked so dejected and beaten - so as other passengers were getting on, I got off and told her to get on. Turns out SHE was taking son to doctor. She kept asking - “are you sure”. There was nowhere that I could have gone to which would have been more important than her journey, I don’t think i did anything amazing- I just did the right human thing to do.
Why is it so hard for people to just be decent to their fellow man??

PMSwithacockinmydress · 15/11/2018 17:11

Assuming the 'big buggy' she was in was a disability one, bus drivers really should be trained to recognise these are wheelchairs rather than generic transport for small people.

Sirzy · 15/11/2018 17:12

Fingers crossed you can get it next month then!

Original poster

Alwaysbekind2014 · 15/11/2018 17:12

Yes the “ big buggy “ is a specialist one from the wheelchair services.
Tbh it looks different to normal strollers despite what he said ha

OP posts:

yumyumpoppycat · 15/11/2018 17:15

gil the space where buggies go didn't used to exist - it was campaigned for by wheelchair users and put in place for their use - this is why buggy users should leave the space if needed by a wheelchair user. On a practical level the wheelchair user might sometimes have additional needs making it harder for them to wait for the next bus. I do get where you are coming from maybe their should be a pushchair spot too! I have had to get off the bus for wheelchair user in the past when I had a pram and wait for the next bus, which wasn't a problem but might be frustrating if in a hurry. I guess having a child in a pram is a temporary situation and the wheelchair user might have a permanent need for their entire life.

gilmoregal · 15/11/2018 17:29

yumyum I in no way think wheelchair users shouldn't have priority but I think there should be another area for prams.

A Mum could be taking a baby to the doctors it could be an emergency she could even be going to A&E or an urgent care as if a non driver you wouldn't have a car seat so can't use a taxi. Does a wheelchair user going into town for shopping or a coffee trump their need?

I just find it annoying that I've seen a few threads where people say prams should be collapsed but that's not possible unless you have a toddler who can stand unaided while you do so.

I will say again though, I've never seen a wheelchair user on a bus since having a pram but if I did I wouldn't get on or would get off and wait for the next bus if I could ie. wasn't in a rush to docs etc.

Sirzy · 15/11/2018 17:33

If people want pram spaces there is nothing to stop them campaigning!

Battenburg1978 · 15/11/2018 17:34

Just awful and YWNBU. The buggy users should have got off/ let you in instead and they should have been made to by the Driver. In the London buses I use I think the signage is perfectly clear indicating that wheelchair users have priority. What has happened to common decency?

morningtoncrescent62 · 15/11/2018 17:39

Why is it so hard for people to just be decent to their fellow man??

This this this. I despair at how self-centred some people can be - it's basic human consideration as well as a legal requirement to move if you're in a wheelchair space and a wheelchair user needs it. I just don't get what part of that is so difficult to understand. In my lovely polite city the buses have both a wheelchair space AND a buggy space which mostly is sufficient, but on those occasions where there are two buggies, I've never seen the one in the wheelchair space have to be asked to move, they either fold the buggy or leave the bus as soon as they see a wheelchair user boarding. I'm sorry that people (probably a very few people but that's all it takes) don't have a similar level of decency where you live, OP.

Original poster

Alwaysbekind2014 · 15/11/2018 17:52

You don’t need a car seat for a taxi it’s about weight up if s child needs to to accident and emergency like mine does a lot then I risk access and take a taxi to get there quicker as I’m assuming if they accident and emergency then waiting for buses probably isn’t ideal whether disabled or not.

OP posts:

PMSwithacockinmydress · 15/11/2018 17:52

If you could? Then you're an arse. There's no "if", the space is for a wheelchair user; people are kind enough to let you use it if it's not needed by a wheelchair user. You don't get to decide if/when your needs trump someone else's legal right.

yumyumpoppycat · 15/11/2018 17:57

you can use a taxi in an emergency without a car seat.

But yeah I do think, and said, a second space might be good for pushchairs ... but on the flip side it means less space for people who have trouble standing to sit down so can't win really. I have 3 kids that used to be babies in a bugaboo and double buggy etc, and also a disabled partner so totally sympathise all round about transport being stressful!

yumyumpoppycat · 15/11/2018 18:02

more frequent buses is probably the answer, then pushchair user wont mind as much getting off for person in wheelchair who has priority due to their (probably) lifelong condition.

PrivateDoor · 15/11/2018 18:05

gilmore, if you know you will be using public transport, then you need to select a buggy than can be easily folded with one hand/use a sling. Wheelchair users absolutely get priority 100% of the time. If you cannot fold your buggy, then you get off the bus and wait for the next one. You really should not have to be told this, it is common sense and basic manners

gilmoregal · 15/11/2018 18:09

@PMSwithacockinmydress the buses in my area the area is for both and states so. I said if I could meaning not going to an urgent care or similar.

Essentially I'm playing devils advocate as I wouldn't be in that situation but was thinking of women who may be. I'd remind everyone that there are people who getting a taxi wouldn't financially be possible not just couldn't afford it but didn't physically have the money at the time so the bus would be their only option.

Sleepyblueocean · 15/11/2018 18:13

My son wasn't able to reliably stand till he was 2 1/2 but I still managed to fold the buggy. I had to because there were no wheelchair spaces on the buses where I live 10 years ago.

MuddlingMackem · 15/11/2018 18:13

Round our way probably 99% of buses have a buggy bay and a wheelchair bay, and on some of them you can park pushchairs sideways and fit two single ones in that bay if a wheelchair user gets on. Howver, on some of the newer buses both bays are so tight I don't understand how some wheelchair users can fit in theirs.

gilmoregal · 15/11/2018 18:14

@Private that's not really thinking of all women though is it, not everyone can select their pram it may be second hand/given to them etc

Not everyone can use a sling or a type of baby carrier, nor can everyone afford them or have access or know about sling libraries.

As I said in my first post the most unreasonable person was the women with the pram at the bus stop with the op, as she should have waited for the next bus. If she felt she had a greater need ie an emergency she could have communicated this. She didn't so I'm assuming she's just thoughtless and rude.

Sleepyblueocean · 15/11/2018 18:15

The area might be labelled for both but wheelchairs or equivalent still take priority.

gilmoregal · 15/11/2018 18:18

So a wheelchair user going to do their shopping or a parent and child in wheelchair going to the cinema should take priority over a parent taking their baby to a hospital appt, urgent care centre, doctors?

Perhaps if people spoke to each other, and exhibited kindness then they would work out between themselves who could/should wait when in that situation.

TooTrueToBeGood · 15/11/2018 18:32

People transporting babies and toddlers have options. They can use a sling or a sensible buggy that can be folded and hold the child on the bus. Wheelchair users have much less flexibility. Totally agree with your last point though.

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