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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

'D'p has his priorities wrong?!

70 replies

Polkadot1502 · 14/11/2018 10:50

Aibu to be really pissed off about this?
Partner is football mad and I feel it comes first!! Would anyone else put up with this or am I being harsh?

  • 3 days after emergency c section he goes out to football leaving me to look after myself and 3 day old Dd when I could barely stand let alone walk properly.
  • I had mastitis felt horrendous like that had flu and my boob was sheer agony, found it painful to lift dd... out he goes to football.
  • Dd now 1 unwell go to doctors with partner doctor says she has a chest infection, so poorly she doesn't know what to do with herself... off he goes to football
  • yesterday Dd has temperature and generally unwell ( she had diary and could have been that as she's dairy intolerant but not sure ) whilst his playing his game of football Dd is breathing different to usual I call ooh doc, he comes home from football and we go to the ooh docs.
He doesn't see an issue with it but I think his being unfair to us so mumsnet jury what do you think?
OP posts:
Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 14/11/2018 10:51

Sorry I should have added that I don't have a problem with him playing football but I don't expect it to come before Dd and me

OP posts:
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/11/2018 10:53

He sounds like a totally selfish man-child to be honest. His life hasn't changed at all after becoming a father, has it?

Why isn't he looking after you? And looking after his DD?

Quartz2208 · 14/11/2018 10:55

You put up with more than I would!

everydayunicorns · 14/11/2018 10:55

You are not being unreasonable at all. He needs a firm kick up the backside. He can put aside football for a couple more weeks, it will still be there waiting for him. He is not there to help out! he is now a father, and his responsibilities as a father come before him having a kick about.

Racecardriver · 14/11/2018 10:56

He sounds like a twat.

Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 14/11/2018 10:57

His a good dad ( when his here ) he plays 3 nights a week sometimes 4, I haven't felt cared about by him for over a year now, mil problems and he hasn't had my back etc. I don't feel like I matter enough for him to miss a bloody game!!
As for the going 3 days after my c secton his excuse is that the midwife said I'd be up and walking soon enough!!

OP posts:
Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 14/11/2018 10:59

Thankyou for your replies makes me feel better!! He makes it sound like I'm being unreasonable because it's only for a few hours yet takes up the whole evening!!

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 14/11/2018 11:00

Stop making excuses for him - he isnt a good dad.

A good dad always puts his child first always. Not himself. He isnt a good dad he is a disney dad - its easy to be one when you are only there less than 50% of the time

He isnt a good dad, he isnt a good partner

Sexnotgender · 14/11/2018 11:03

He’s a selfish dick. Leaving his partner 3 days after major surgery in pain to look after a newborn baby while he swans off to play footie with nary a backwards glance is reprehensible.

My husband is cricket mad. However he has suggested he gives up playing once we have our baby as he wants to be able to support me.

That’s what grown ups do!

I’ve countered with let’s see how we do, maybe he can play some of the games as I don’t want him to give up something he loves.

MummaGiles · 14/11/2018 11:08

I was going to say that the instances where your DD was a bit poorly and he went off to play football aren’t so bad (the post csection and mastitis issues however would not have gone down well AT ALL). Then I read your update where you said he plays 3-4 times a week. That’s madness. He needs to cut back. He has a family now, he can’t be so selfish. When do you get a break?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 14/11/2018 11:17

He is NOT a good dad. He's a selfish dick.

diddl · 14/11/2018 11:30

I agree that he's not a good dad.

If you needed help with his daughter then he should have been there helping-for her sake if nothing else!

lovetherisingsun · 14/11/2018 11:30

He sounds like a little boy/manchild/immature twat. He has a family now...I don't think you'd find many women or men happy to put up with their partner going off and playing their sport/doing a hobby THAT often with a partner, let alone with a newborn at home AND a partner who has had major surgery etc. This is exactly why I swore I'd never, ever date a man/woman who was so heavily into football.

Olderbyaminute · 14/11/2018 11:30

OP what your partner has done to you is despicable! I can’t wrap my head around deserting you and your newborn three days post partum! I really doubt he’s ever going to change his behavior or his own twisted priorities! Can you live with a man like that? I sure wouldn’t!

lovetherisingsun · 14/11/2018 11:31

He sounds like he's just not that into his family. His football and his mates will always come first.

zen1 · 14/11/2018 11:34

Sorry OP, but he sounds very selfish. It doesn’t seems as if having a DC has had any impact on his life whatsoever. He should be sharing her care with you and supporting you.

MaxTeyon · 14/11/2018 11:34

Sounds like your usual football obsessed dickhead to me.

Fairenuff · 14/11/2018 11:35

He's a horrible father. You need to have a serious talk with him and mean it. Football cannot come before family all the time. You need to agree compromises.

TheRenegadeMaster · 14/11/2018 11:36

Nothing wrong with having a passion or hobby, but when you choose that over your family, at the most sensitive times of life (like after birth, or during illnesses) then you are a cunt.

Sorry OP Thanks

RangeRider · 14/11/2018 11:50

Have you actually had a conversation with him about it though?

Sicario · 14/11/2018 11:52

This is a particular breed of man. The football-obsessed man child who will never change. I don't know how (or why) you put up with it. Fabulous friend of mine was married to one of those. She packed up the kids and left while he was watching his millionth football match of the day and he didn't even notice.

Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 14/11/2018 12:35

Thankyou for your replies I half expected to be told I'm being unreasonable, I have spoken to him many of times only to be told it's not more important than us and that it's only for a few hours etc he used to make me feel special and loved ever since his mum fell out with me it hasn't been the same xx

OP posts:
Original poster
Polkadot1502 · 14/11/2018 12:37

Sicario that's awful how long till he realised she had left? Xx

OP posts:
MemoryOfSleep · 14/11/2018 12:42

My word. I'd have given him a red card long ago! I'm angry on your behalf. Angry

araiwa · 14/11/2018 12:43

3 days after birth isnt great but the rest are m'eh

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