'D'p has his priorities wrong?!

[Polkadot1502]

Aibu to be really pissed off about this?
Partner is football mad and I feel it comes first!! Would anyone else put up with this or am I being harsh?

• 3 days after emergency c section he goes out to football leaving me to look after myself and 3 day old Dd when I could barely stand let alone walk properly.
• I had mastitis felt horrendous like that had flu and my boob was sheer agony, found it painful to lift dd... out he goes to football.
• Dd now 1 unwell go to doctors with partner doctor says she has a chest infection, so poorly she doesn't know what to do with herself... off he goes to football
• yesterday Dd has temperature and generally unwell ( she had diary and could have been that as she's dairy intolerant but not sure ) whilst his playing his game of football Dd is breathing different to usual I call ooh doc, he comes home from football and we go to the ooh docs.

He doesn't see an issue with it but I think his being unfair to us so mumsnet jury what do you think?

I have a very deep resentment towards football. My Dad is football mad, always has been. He supports one big team but will watch any match that is on. My memories of being a child are of constantly being ignored, all day sunday the football was on the tv - if it wasnt on the tv it was on the radio. When I hear the cheering sounds of a football match it makes me feel a bit sick.
A few years ago I flew to his place in the States (he left my Mum when I was 14 and moved to America) to surprise him - i was travelling for almost 24 hours to get to him and after the initial shock, on went the TV and he sat watching tv ignoring me for 2 hours.
Now I have a lovely best friend who I am watching going through the exact same thing my Mum did. Her husband is exactly the same as my Dad and they have a 2 year old daughter. I can't even bear to be around him watching him ignoring her and putting football ahead of his own flesh and blood. His mood will also be determined by his team winning or losing. If they lose, he sulks like a 4 year old child and is snappy and rude.
I am so glad my partner doesn't like football. It would be a dealbreaker for me. My Dad is in his 60's, if anything he is worse now. Your partner will never grow out of this... can you imagine still playing second fiddle to a bunch of overpaid men kicking a bag of wind around the field for the rest of your life?

How often do you get to go out without your child? How much parenting/childcare does he do?

It might only be for a few hours in an evening. But assuming he works then that's pretty much his only free time in the week? If you took the same time out of family life then you wouldn't see him at all

He’s not a good dad or partner, I think you know that deep down.

A good dad doesn’t leave their very sick child out of choice to pursue a hobby and a good partner doesn’t ditch their other half days after major surgery.

Never used the LTB on mn before, have my first.

You're not unreasonable, and he's NOT a good dad. I hate football, my ex was like that. Ugh.

You might as well either suck it up and carry on as you are, or start making plans to LTB, because he's not going to change, and it sounds like you're having other problems in the relationship.

I stopped reading at the first point !!! 3 days post section!! 😡😡at that stage my DH was passing me DD to BF as I found lying to sitting a struggle ! I'm so so sorry
Not at all UR

His excuse for the 3 days post section is he thought I'd be okay seen as the midwife said I'd be up and walking about and it's best to get moving etc never mind I told him I was in a lot of pain xx

And he also says it's a whole year ago and his said sorry and that I'm being unfair keep bringing it up xx

there is no excuse

If a man has an obsessive interest, usually some form of sport like football or rugby, that's an immediate dealbreaker for me. Some woman for whatever reason put up with it - and some end up like the poor OP trying to manage alone 3 days after having her baby - and I can't for the life of me understand why. These men seem to be like this for their entire lives so it shouldn't be a surprise. Luckily for some of us, there are also more well balanced men out there who don't give up their lives to bloody football (or similar). I suppose at least the OP's husband plays football rather than being obsessed with it but not even bloody playing it himself.

He sounds very selfish.

Bags by the door.

Footy comes before his child so no, he’s not a great dad.

He’s not involved in family life st all, is he? 3/4 nights a week is excessive. It’s not compatible with having a family.

He sounds thoroughly selfish and I’d be questioning his commitment. Believe his actions, not his words. His actions show you aren’t important to him.

Plus, anyone not on my side if their parents are being unreasonable with me would be gone. It’s not possible to have a good relationship if you and DC are the priority.

The problem is saying sorry means nothing - its just a platitude. If he were actually sorry because he thought he had done something wrong he would have changed the behaviour. But he clearly hasnt

He wont OP

Thankyou for your replies think I need to talk to him, this can't go on it's not fair xx

That sounds like really shitty behaviour OP. Especially after a c-section.

The post C section he was BU

The rest where DD is a bit poorly YABU in my opinion. It does not need 2 adults to tend to a bit poorly child! If she is dairy intolerant how does a 1 year old have dairy?

She had dairy because the dietician has suggested to try her on dairy now that she's one

What a selfish man-child.

Mine is a massive football fan but family always comes first because he isn't a selfish bellend

I think the 3 days post cs was out of order but I don't think the other items are to bad tbh. One thing I would say is if it was a different hobby like running or gym sessions a couple of times a week would that get the same negative response? I think 3/4 times a week is too much and if your happy with the rest of the relationship couple you come up with a compromise?

So you get a couple of hours to yourself on the other evenings?

No??

Thought not.

I would not put up with this at all.
The post c section thing especially is reprehensible.
Lives have to change when children come along and the selfishness has to stop,

I think your expectations of a 'good dad' are considerably lower than mine