AIBU to assume DD is invited to wedding?

[thsi]

I received an invite to a wedding that is coming up soon. The envelope was address to "Thsi, DH and Family" so assumed that would include my DD who is four months.

When I RSVP'd via text, the groom responded and said, "looking forward to seeing you and DH" and I didn't think anything of it but now on reflection he made no mention of seeing DD so does that mean my original assumption that she is invited is wrong?

For context Bride and groom are already married. Had the ceremony and sit down meal which we weren't invited too but are now holding an evening party thing for their extended family and friends who weren't at the wedding. Bride will be in her wedding dress, etc. It starts at 7

What do you think?

I'd just ask.

Easiest just to ask but never assume child will be invited.

It’s not a wedding, it’s a party.

It was addressed to you, DH & family. DD is family, she’s invited. I’m guessing he just wasn’t thinking about having a beer & a chat with DD when he said he was looking forward to seeing you

I think you'll have to ask I'm afraid...it's quite ambiguous.

No ‘assuming’ necessary. It was address to OP, DH AND FAMILY...last I checked ones children are family.

I would ask as some people prefer no children at weddings. Would save a lot of embarrassment and possibly hurt feelings to just double check.

Just ask.

Although do you really want to take a 4 month old to an evening party? Is it far away?

Agree, not ambiguous at all. If it was just to you and do that's how it would be addressed! Why else would they out 'and family on it'. Groom only said you and do as he won't specifically be looking forward to a catch up with a 4 months old!

I'd assume Dd is included in the family part of the invite. No harm to check, though. I'm assuming he said he was looking forward to seeing you and partner because realistically you're the ones he'll have a conversation with, not dd.

I’m getting married atm and there is a very strict code (apparently) that if you put ‘and family’ on an invitation you are extending it to the partner and children.

I’ve chosen to name all children on my invites (though mine are for the day event)

You are totally reasonable to think this extends to DD

I suppose I could ask just for clarification.

I'm attending on the basis that DD was also invited. I wouldn't be attending otherwise.

I assumed automatically the "and family" bit meant she was invited!

I haven't spoken to the bride or groom for coming up two years now (other than to RSVP via text) so I suppose I'd feel a bit uncomfortable asking and not sure how to word it

@SoupDragon it's only half an hour away and I haven't left DD before other than with DH.

I was going to go to the cinema on Friday as my DM offered to watch DD. A film I really want to see is coming out but I've changed my mind now. I don't think I'd enjoy the film as I'd be too worried about DD

Guess I'm not quite ready yet

"Hi FRIEND, looking forward to the party! Just wanted to check, is DD invited? Didn't want to assume so just let me know. Thank you!"

Then hopefully he'll say yes. If he says no you'll have to follow up with an explanation as to why you can't actually make it anymore.

If it says and family then she's invited

I always put “and family” when I can’t remember the names of people’s children. Bet that’s what has happened here

Well "and family" is quite clear to me!

I think she's invited and the husband isn't thinking about your baby in his message cause he doesnt see her as a person. Iykwim?

I'm sure she's invited. If you, as the adults, are friends with the groom then I guess that's why he said he was looking forward to seeing you, as opposed to the baby?

If you haven't spoken in 2 years do they even know that DD exists?
Quite why anyone would invite someone they hadn't spoken to for years in the first place is beyond me anyway.

@Dyrne

I just reread the text:

"Hi Thsi, thank you for your RSVP. We are glad you can both make it. Hope you, DH and "dds name" are well"

So they do know her name or remembered it by the time I rsvp'd anyway!

Even if your daughter is invited, you'll have a much more enjoyable time of she stays home, especially given it starts at 7pm. Have your mum babysit, you're only half hour away and it's only for a few hours. She will be just fine.

I think "& family' make it very clear she is invited. I assume you wouldn't stay too late anyway so i would take her.

@user139328237 yes they know she exists.

The bride and groom are family but there was a bit of a falling out just before Xmas two years ago; hence the no contact for two years.

I wonder if the invitation is a "let's move on" extending of the olive branch maybe

I wouldn’t ask. If they put and family and didn’t want dd there they have done it very badly and will know better in future. There’s no other way to read the invite and it wouldn’t suit you for dd not to be invited.

Sorry to throw a spanner in the works... on first reading I would have said "and family" so they are inviting DD. But their reply to your RSVP says "glad you can both make it" not "glad you can all make it".

When you replied did you say "Thanks for the invite, we're all thrilled to come" or something more like "thanks for the invite Dave and I are delighted to join you" - basically have you inadvertently uninvited your daughter in your response?