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AIBU?

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Original poster

AIBU to assume DD is invited to wedding?

67 replies

thsi · 13/11/2018 17:25

I received an invite to a wedding that is coming up soon. The envelope was address to "Thsi, DH and Family" so assumed that would include my DD who is four months.

When I RSVP'd via text, the groom responded and said, "looking forward to seeing you and DH" and I didn't think anything of it but now on reflection he made no mention of seeing DD so does that mean my original assumption that she is invited is wrong?

For context Bride and groom are already married. Had the ceremony and sit down meal which we weren't invited too but are now holding an evening party thing for their extended family and friends who weren't at the wedding. Bride will be in her wedding dress, etc. It starts at 7

What do you think?

OP posts:
eightoclock · 13/11/2018 17:58

Of course she is invited if they put 'and family'

Some people just struggle to think of very young babies as people in their own right, especially if they are youngish/don't know many people with young children, they don't always think to include the baby as an extra person. It's only a party anyway so I can't see it will matter very much (to them) if she goes or not

Original poster
thsi · 13/11/2018 17:59

@myrtleWilson That just occurred to me too. Blush

This is what I said in the RSVP

"Hi Groom, it's Thsi and DH. We would love to attend. Congratulations and best wishes"

I wasnt even sure if he had my phone number so thought it was best to clarify who I was. Maybe that's where I've gone wrong

OP posts:
Original poster
thsi · 13/11/2018 18:00

@myrtleWilson I've accidentally uninvited my daughter haven't I? Grin

OP posts:
steff13 · 13/11/2018 18:01

Well "and family" is quite clear to me!

Same. I can't believe people think it's ambiguous. If it wasn't including the daughter, it would just say OP + Mr. OP.

Aftershock15 · 13/11/2018 18:02

Maybe the glad you can both make it is a reference to the fact that some people wouldn’t want to leave their baby at 4 months (like OP) but neither would they want to take them to an evening party. So the both make it is just acknowledging it won’t just be dh with OP staying home with baby.

TheGirlWithAllTheFeathers · 13/11/2018 18:14

As a very young baby, I'd honestly assume DD was invited, but I'd expect that you'd probably either not stay long if she got tired or book a room with a baby watcher nearby so you could pop up and feed her when she needed it. It's kids of 2 or 3,4,5 ish that can be problematic at weddings. You've not been invited to the service so no danger of a squalling baby then, so enjoy the evening as best you can!

SilverySurfer · 13/11/2018 18:14

I don't think you should assume it's ok to take your DD - I would definitely ask.

MsHopey · 13/11/2018 18:15

I was going to go to the cinema on Friday as my DM offered to watch DD. A film I really want to see is coming out but I've changed my mind now. I don't think I'd enjoy the film as I'd be too worried about DD

Is it Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald?
I had to ask!

MsLexic · 13/11/2018 18:20

You are taking a baby to an evening boozy party? Tell me you aren't....?

Knittedfairies · 13/11/2018 18:21

Your 4 month old baby isn’t going to impact upon numbers for catering is she? Just ask, but the ‘and family’ sounds as if she is included to me.

InfiniteVariety · 13/11/2018 18:21

What else could "and family" possibly mean? Could the bride be including your mother/father/sister/etc? Do you have other children she could be referring to? if none of the above, then it has to mean your baby doesn't it?

Original poster
thsi · 13/11/2018 18:22

@MsHopey Yes, yes, yes!! Grin I've been waiting desperately since the first film for this one to come out!

OP posts:
californiascreaming · 13/11/2018 18:24

I think you need to follow up with another text. Hi - sorry to bother again - can I check if we can bring 'xxx' cheers 'yyy'

Original poster
thsi · 13/11/2018 18:24

@InfiniteVariety unless she was including my cats as 'and family' then yes but otherwise, nope, it could only mean my baby! Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
thsi · 13/11/2018 18:25

@MsLexic well the invite said "and family" so that to me suggests the bride and groom are happy to have a baby there.

What's wrong with taking a baby to a party?

OP posts:
ButchyRestingFace · 13/11/2018 18:27

If you fell out 2 years ago, do they definitely know you've had a baby? **

OliviaStabler · 13/11/2018 18:27

Sorry but I think he thinks only you and your DH are going. I'd double check. He said 'both' in his text, that to me would not indicate the three of you.

WhatToDoAboutWailmerGoneRogue · 13/11/2018 18:29

It's only a party anyway so I can't see it will matter very much (to them) if she goes or not

I wouldn’t invite a baby to a party; it changes the entire dynamic. So yes, it would matter to me. However, to avoid unwanted children, I wouldn’t address the envelopes to “and family”.

Probably best to check, OP.

MsHopey · 13/11/2018 18:30

Yes, yes, yes!! grin I've been waiting desperately since the first film for this one to come out!

I really want to go but my DS is 15mo and I still don't trust anyone to babysit him 😂 I need to let go a little bit but I'm struggling!
Looks like I'm waiting for the DVD. I watched the first one again yesterday I'm anticipation, no clue why because I really don't leave DS.

TheBigBangRocks · 13/11/2018 18:31

I think I'd just skip. Who has a party way after the wedding and then invites all the guests they didn't invite to the wedding. Wearing the dress seems strange too. Presumably they expect gifts etc.

Amallamard · 13/11/2018 18:33

You are taking a baby to an evening boozy party? Tell me you aren't....?

I'm fairly sure they aren't expecting the baby to join in with the booze and the party. Baby will probably get lots of attention and cuddles then sleep on someone or in a pram. Babies are much easier to take to these things than small children.

WidowTwonky · 13/11/2018 18:33

I’d assume she was invited

myrtleWilson · 13/11/2018 18:35

Ha! I imagine the other end of the conversation went something like

"oh drat I can't remember thsi's baby's name... shall I just bung "and family' on the invite? "

"oh, thsi and partner can come but no mention of baby thsi. Do you think they think we don't want baby thsi there? I know I'll reply back thanking them for replying but I'll shoehorn baby thsi's name in as well so that they know we remember they have a baby and that we're not excluding her". presses reply.

"hmm on reflection perhaps I should have said I something about looking forward to seeing baby tshi too, make it more explicit she's invited. I'll have to think of another reason to text...
Grin

Original poster
thsi · 13/11/2018 18:36

@MsHopey Gah! Me too. I watched the first one last week. I've been getting myself seriously excited about it which was a bit silly as I really just can't face leaving DD yet. I'll be waiting for the dvd too! Sad

OP posts:
DoveBlue · 13/11/2018 18:39

MsHopey
Does your local cinema do 'parent and baby' showings our local does showings where they keep lights on a bit, not as loud etc usually on a weekdays term time only. Worth checking out

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