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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I've made a huge mistake?

101 replies

confused384 · 13/11/2018 15:19

Getting married next year, and really didn't want a fuss. If I had my way, it would be Vegas or Gretna Green, but family pressure meant we compromised on a small wedding with around 15 people.

The ceremony is in a registry office and that's all fine. The problem is with the bit after - we wanted something small, and as it's a weekday, the pubs (we liked), said they only serve food between noon and 2pm which was no good for us. I looked into hotels, but they still wanted extortionate amounts, including a £100 room hire charge for a 2 hour meal, and around £50 per head (drinks not included).

We settled on a tea room we found, which advertised itself as a wedding afternoon tea venue. This works great, as we didn't want the formality of a sit down meal. Deposit has been paid, and cost around £35 a head for everything, which is still pricey but hotels were charging £50, plus room hire, plus a minimum guest requirement of 30. It would be closed for everyone except us.

However, the tea room itself is on a busy high street. I thought this would be fine, as the atmosphere inside kind of takes away from that. However, I've started thinking about how much I'll be judged by some of the guests, who are probably expecting a formal affair in lavish beautiful grounds. In reality, it's a tea shop. I want a small do, but I don't want it to be remembered for all the wrong reasons or to feel embarrassed on the day.

What would you think if you went to a wedding like this - would you cringe? Confused

OP posts:
Jack65 · 13/11/2018 15:21

It sounds lovely, particularly if they serve Prosecco too.

DratThatCat · 13/11/2018 15:22

I'd love it. Do it your way. You'll regret it otherwise. Congratulations!

Frogscotch7 · 13/11/2018 15:22

I’m far more likely to cringe at people spending a fortune - a tearoom sounds lovely. However this isn’t really about anyone else. They can keep any judgement to themselves. Your wedding your choice. Have a great day and congratulations.

Justmuddlingalong · 13/11/2018 15:23

I would honestly think, 'what a lovely idea and a refreshing change.' It sounds lovely. And it's what you want. And that's all that matters, surely?

Fairtatas · 13/11/2018 15:23

Not at all and am guessing you are close enough to everyone going to divulge details before the big day so they will know what to expect anyway

TheHobbitMum · 13/11/2018 15:23

Sounds lovely to me, I hate lavish affairs so this sounds a wonderful alternative

LockedOutOfMN · 13/11/2018 15:24

It sounds lovely. I would take into account where your guests will be able to park, or be dropped off (give suggestions with your invitation and try to be as specific as possible, e.g. map of nearest car parks with charges and approx. walking distance), how they can order cabs to get there or back (include local firms' numbers with invitation and if possible try to get some recommendations so you can list the most reliable firms first) and also how any guests with difficulty walking will access the venue.

It sounds lovely and I'm sure you can work with the venue to ensure it is a memorable and comfortable and luxurious and fun occasion for you and your guests.

I would love to come to an event like this.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 13/11/2018 15:24

Don't worry about it. It's a weekday afternoon, the guests will know it's a small wedding (and where the reception is) well in advance.

I think it sounds charming.

Congratulations and have a lovely day!

WhiteDust · 13/11/2018 15:25

It's a tea room not a cafe! If it has nice decor you needn't worry. Much nicer than a formal place IMHO! It sounds lovely!

Singlenotsingle · 13/11/2018 15:25

It's different from the usual run of the mill reception isn't it? It sounds lovely, and yes, ask them to serve prosecco. A lot of tea rooms do nowadays.

Number12 · 13/11/2018 15:26

Sounds perfect! I would much prefer afternoon tea to a long sit down meal.

DuckofDoom · 13/11/2018 15:26

My brother is having a very similar wedding. Simple ceremony, 15 guests, a meal in a pub afterwards and no reception. I think it’s going to be lovely and I’m sure yours will be too.

Afternoon tea is a wonderful idea. If you put something on the invites like “join us for afternoon tea at [tea shop] 3-5pm” or whatever, your guests will know what to expect

nicslackey · 13/11/2018 15:26

Sounds perfect. Have a wonderful time. I would love this as a guest.

flossieisbossy · 13/11/2018 15:26

It' sounds lovely !

WhiteDust · 13/11/2018 15:27

Have you eaten there before OP?

Annajohnsdottir · 13/11/2018 15:27

It's your day. Weddings are very personal. They've already pressured you into changing your wedding plans so don't let what they potentially think spoil your reception too.

You could throw the most lavish wedding and you'd have guests who would still find fault with it. You can't please everyone so please don't try.

Just remember the old Dr. Seuss quote: "Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."

I hope you have a wonderful day!

rebelrosie12 · 13/11/2018 15:28

Sounds gorgeous!

EmUntitled · 13/11/2018 15:28

If your guests are the type who will judge you for this, then don't invite them.

Let them know in advance what to expect so there won't be any "surprises" on the day.

I think it sounds nice and the important thing is that you like it and it fits your budget.

Bigonesmallone3 · 13/11/2018 15:29

Uv not made a mistake, it'll be what u make it.. it sounds lovely to me

Atalune · 13/11/2018 15:29

I would really love this as a guest.

Do it!

Jeezoh · 13/11/2018 15:29

I think it sounds just perfect and I’d be thrilled to go to it! The best wedding I went to was one with the reception in a back garden of a standard family home. It was so relaxed and everyone commented how much fun they had.

NonaGrey · 13/11/2018 15:30

Cringe? Certainly not!

I’d think it was delightful and a nice change from the usual kind of weddings.

What makes a wedding for me isn’t the clothes, the location or the decorations- it’s seeing how happy the couple are to be together and enjoying celebrating that with their friends and families.

Your wedding sounds lovely. Flowers

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 13/11/2018 15:31

If you think they’ll judge you negatively then don’t invite them.

It sounds lovely by the way, personally I’d much rather that than a boozy shindig.

Sitranced · 13/11/2018 15:33

I love the idea of afternoon tea as the reception and I would seriously think of doing the same for my own wedding too.

Oddsocksandmeatballs · 13/11/2018 15:34

I know of at least one lovely tearooms local to me that does this, I think it would be a wonderful venue to celebrate a quiet, midweek wedding.

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