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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I've made a huge mistake?

101 replies

confused384 · 13/11/2018 15:19

Getting married next year, and really didn't want a fuss. If I had my way, it would be Vegas or Gretna Green, but family pressure meant we compromised on a small wedding with around 15 people.

The ceremony is in a registry office and that's all fine. The problem is with the bit after - we wanted something small, and as it's a weekday, the pubs (we liked), said they only serve food between noon and 2pm which was no good for us. I looked into hotels, but they still wanted extortionate amounts, including a £100 room hire charge for a 2 hour meal, and around £50 per head (drinks not included).

We settled on a tea room we found, which advertised itself as a wedding afternoon tea venue. This works great, as we didn't want the formality of a sit down meal. Deposit has been paid, and cost around £35 a head for everything, which is still pricey but hotels were charging £50, plus room hire, plus a minimum guest requirement of 30. It would be closed for everyone except us.

However, the tea room itself is on a busy high street. I thought this would be fine, as the atmosphere inside kind of takes away from that. However, I've started thinking about how much I'll be judged by some of the guests, who are probably expecting a formal affair in lavish beautiful grounds. In reality, it's a tea shop. I want a small do, but I don't want it to be remembered for all the wrong reasons or to feel embarrassed on the day.

What would you think if you went to a wedding like this - would you cringe? Confused

OP posts:
WithAFaeryHandInHand · 13/11/2018 15:35

That sounds lovely! They won’t be expecting anything like huge grounds will they, if it’s only 15 of you?

I guess the only disadvantage would be having nowhere to go for a walk while hanging around waiting for the couple to have photos etc. But I guess you aren’t doing all that anyway. It will be lovely Flowers.

That said, if you really hate the idea now, change it if you can. You only do it once... or twice Grin.

nottakingthisanymore · 13/11/2018 15:37

I went to a wedding like this once and it was very nice indeed. I think some people are crazy with the amount of fuss and expense they go to.

MamaLovesMango · 13/11/2018 15:37

I’d love to go to a wedding like yours OP. Fuck anybody else. It sounds like you’ve done more than enough compromising to make other people happy.

IRememberSoIDo · 13/11/2018 15:38

My sister did practically this last Thursday. It was wonderful, no fuss and so lovely and relaxing!!

spanishwife · 13/11/2018 15:39

I would hope that the 15 closest people to you in the world wouldn't judge you, and would love that its your day regardless.

Jaxhog · 13/11/2018 15:41

If your guests are the type who will judge you for this, then don't invite them.

This. Who wants CFs at their wedding? A tea party sounds lovely!

grumiosmum · 13/11/2018 15:41

I think it sounds charming, original and delightful.

As PPs have said, I'd ensure you can serve a couple of glasses of fizz.

And make sure everyone knows where to park.

AbsentmindedWoman · 13/11/2018 15:44

A tearoom is a lovely idea! I absolutely wouldn't think you should have had a venue with fancy grounds!

HairyStorm · 13/11/2018 15:44

Last wedding I went to, it was just bride and groom and me and one other witness in the registry office, followed by afternoon tea at Betty's in York. It was brilliant! Most expensive cuppa I've ever had, admittedly, but it made a lovely change from the more usual sort of wedding do.

It'll be grand, OP. Your guests will be there to celebrate your marriage, not to hoick their judgey pants up about the venue. And if you strongly suspect someone will be all cat's bum face about it, you could always not invite them!

stickytoffeepuddingandicecream · 13/11/2018 15:46

It'd be nice to have something a bit different, every single wedding I've been to the past few years (my own included) has pretty much been the exact same thing. It sounds lovely and just think of the 20k you'll have saved when you wake up the day after lol. Hope you have a fab day!

RangeRider · 13/11/2018 15:47

Sounds like a great idea to me.

StroppyWoman · 13/11/2018 15:48

Sounds great to me

Spaghettijumper · 13/11/2018 15:49

One thing to think about is how important the party element after the wedding is to you. I think afternoon tea runs the risk of being really sedate and being a bit of an anticlimax - after the excitement of getting married it might feel like it's not celebratory enough IYSWIM? I know it's really hard when you get pushed into something you're not keen on but I think if that happens you have to own it and go for it rather than doing it half-hearted - otherwise it might end up being a let-down because it's not what you wanted in the first place and it's a bit pants.

I suppose I'm of the opinion that if you're having people there then you might as well go all out and make it a bit of a knees-up - make the most of it. That's just my view though. I don't think the fact that it's a tea shop or on a high street is an issue - it's more that the opportunity to really celebrate might not be there.

papersmile · 13/11/2018 15:50

Sounds lovely

rainbowquack · 13/11/2018 15:55

I think that sounds absolutely wonderful. Maybe word the invitation so that guests know they are invited to an afternoon tea and not a three course meal.

But honestly, I would be delighted to be invited to such a wedding!

gingernutrichtea · 13/11/2018 15:56

As you're having a small wedding everyone will be close to you and know this is what you want and it sounds lovely! Yourll have a chance to speak to everyone and not just float around the room like I had to do.. I had to introduce myself to some people.... and my own wedding... PIL insisted on inviting all their friends so yeah I'm with you that sounds wonderful

Arcadia · 13/11/2018 15:58

I would love that as a guest, great idea, sounds lovely. I might use your idea if I ever get around to it. Happy wedding!

Purpleartichoke · 13/11/2018 16:00

Sounds like a wedding I would love to attend.

theonetowalkinthesun · 13/11/2018 16:00

That sounds so lovely, OP. What a lovely, intimate idea.

MumW · 13/11/2018 16:03

Sounds absolutely wonderful. Nice and intimate and informal but classy.
Flowers🍾🥂

Franinipancake · 13/11/2018 16:07

I think it sounds lovely. I'd love that. To be honest, big formal weddings and receptions just send my anxiety through the roof. Hope you have an amazing day.

DobbinsVeil · 13/11/2018 16:08

It sounds lovely. I bet you get a personal and professional service which can be lacking in other venues. I've had 2 hotel weddings so can say that! And with a high street location probably convenient to get to and from.

Ilikeknitting · 13/11/2018 16:08

I remember watching a wedding on the tv show 4weddings (that’s the show where all the four brides each attend all four weddings and award points for the dress, The venue etc)
Anyways....an older lady had her wedding with a sort of tea room/afternoon tea theme and I remember it looking lovely, all pink bunting and kath Kidstone inspired cake stands etc.

Your wedding sounds lovely, you’re just jittery because you want it to be perfect. I’m sure you and your guests will have a marvellous day, just don’t forget the bubbles to toast the happy couple and maybe some wine for each table.

whatwillbewillbe03 · 13/11/2018 16:09

its a lovely idea and if it suits both you and your partner please do not cancel for the sake of pleasing others... this is your wedding.

Loopytiles · 13/11/2018 16:11

I would really enjoy being a guest!

As PPs say, if your guests don’t want to attend they don’t have to, and if they attend but are negative about it that reflects only on them!

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