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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think I've made a huge mistake?

101 replies

confused384 · 13/11/2018 15:19

Getting married next year, and really didn't want a fuss. If I had my way, it would be Vegas or Gretna Green, but family pressure meant we compromised on a small wedding with around 15 people.

The ceremony is in a registry office and that's all fine. The problem is with the bit after - we wanted something small, and as it's a weekday, the pubs (we liked), said they only serve food between noon and 2pm which was no good for us. I looked into hotels, but they still wanted extortionate amounts, including a £100 room hire charge for a 2 hour meal, and around £50 per head (drinks not included).

We settled on a tea room we found, which advertised itself as a wedding afternoon tea venue. This works great, as we didn't want the formality of a sit down meal. Deposit has been paid, and cost around £35 a head for everything, which is still pricey but hotels were charging £50, plus room hire, plus a minimum guest requirement of 30. It would be closed for everyone except us.

However, the tea room itself is on a busy high street. I thought this would be fine, as the atmosphere inside kind of takes away from that. However, I've started thinking about how much I'll be judged by some of the guests, who are probably expecting a formal affair in lavish beautiful grounds. In reality, it's a tea shop. I want a small do, but I don't want it to be remembered for all the wrong reasons or to feel embarrassed on the day.

What would you think if you went to a wedding like this - would you cringe? Confused

OP posts:
Dollius01 · 13/11/2018 16:55

Lord, I would LOVE to attend a wedding like that!!

Scallywag1903 · 13/11/2018 16:57

I think it sounds positively wonderful, on reading the comments, there is just one thing I would like to add....have you anything planned or a place to go after the 'afternoon tea' ?? You will most probably enjoy seeing everyone so much that you would like to continue into the early evening and you also might feel a little deflated if everyone leaves at say 5 - 6? Maybe go back to someones house for Prosecco and nibbles to enjoy the day fully??? Just a thought??

Bittermints · 13/11/2018 17:06

Sounds absolutely lovely. Will there be delicious sandwiches followed by good scones with clotted cream and jam and beautiful patisserie? I'd be a very happy bunny at that sort of event, especially if it meant not being trapped in some remote overpriced hotel for a couple of days with a bunch of drunks and indifferent mass catering.

haverhill · 13/11/2018 17:09

We had a teeny wedding in a similar style to yours and several people said it was the nicest one they’d been to!
Big traditional weddings are fine but samey and dull in parts.

TheHammaconda · 13/11/2018 17:28

It sounds like a really lovely way to celebrate your marriage with the people you care about. Weddings are about celebrating not meeting other people's silly expectations.

Athena51 · 13/11/2018 17:40

It sounds perfect. If DP and I get married in the future then I will be copying your idea.

I hope you have a wonderful day x

Slytherdor · 13/11/2018 17:54

I might be taken aback if I was expecting a larger affair- but if I had been told it was a low key, small wedding, then it would be lovely! I think being caught off guard is the only thing that would make anyone think it was weird.

Maybe either let everyone know in person that it is a small, low key affair? Or else word the invitations as such!

Enjoy your day OP!

plaidlife · 13/11/2018 18:03

I had a wedding after lunch, then afternoon tea, a national trust one. I had a tiny evening meal for family and a couple of super close friends. Happily I wasn't on mumsnet so had failed to understand that just doing what we wanted to wasn't okay, failing to provide an evening meal wasn't okay etc. I don't know what others made of our wedding, no one ever said anything to our face. We enjoyed it and it didn't cost a fortune. We are still happily married. Do what you want.

OlennasWimple · 13/11/2018 18:10

I'd be more than happy to go to wedding reception in a greasy spoon next to a busy taxi rank, if it was what the bride and groom wanted

Your reception sounds lovely, entirely appropriate and no-one worth bothering with would judge you for it

OlennasWimple · 13/11/2018 18:13

Dowser - I have to ask...

We had rosemary baked chicken pie for starters, beef olives and then whatever dessert we fancied for after. I think we had Parisian breasts

What are Parisian breasts?!

Cautionsharpblade · 13/11/2018 18:25

Sounds like my ideal wedding! I’d love an afternoon tea and I’d be touched to be included among your top 15 people.

Sounds like I’m angling for an invitation Grin -I am-

Bittermints · 13/11/2018 18:56

Is it this? en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paris%E2%80%93Brest

Wallywobbles · 13/11/2018 19:24

Be precise on the invites so people know then hold your head up and have fun.

We got married somewhere fairly down market by my families standards, including drinks outside in December, but everyone had a good time. Or if they didn't they were polite enough to hide that thought. We warned everyone to dress up warm though.

Ragwort · 13/11/2018 19:29

Scally it’s quite a modern trend to prolong the wedding reception, I remember my mother saying that they had a nice lunch, cut the cake & then went off on honeymoon (was in the days before couples lived together Wink). I don’t see the need to go somewhere after the reception. Surely you have seen everyone, exchanged pleasantries, then it’s just nice to be alone with your DH?

Alilwolf · 13/11/2018 21:29

Yes I would also give timing on is, as most weddings would be into the night, so if you don't want that, it's worth warning people.

CarrieBlu · 13/11/2018 21:30

I wish I went to more weddings like this. Sounds great!

Alilwolf · 13/11/2018 21:31

I guess most people think wedding, hat, night out, hotel etc.
If yours is just going to be afternoon tea, no hats required, then I'd spell that out. Otherwise you find a few lost guest wondering where the after party is at!

xJessica · 13/11/2018 21:43

I think it sounds perfect, and I'd love to go to a wedding like that. It's only about you and your fiance so as long as its what you both want, that's all that matters. A wedding is only one day, it's the rest of your lives together that are important.

Scallywag1903 · 13/11/2018 21:57

Yes I suppose! Guess I am just a little socialite!! I love being around people lol

WitchBottle · 13/11/2018 22:38

I think you should actually do what you really want to go to Vegas or somewhere no-fuss your worries about the venue are because it sounds to me as if you don't really want a wedding or a reception in a tea-room and other people's judgements. Family pressure can be resisted. We got married by ourselves, without telling anyone at all until the best part of a year afterwards, and didn't give anyone the opportunity to moan in fact everyone was fine about it, but then I wasn't presenting as apologetic. I hate throwing parties, so why on earth would I want to organise a wedding? You don't owe anyone a wedding.

Loyaultemelie · 13/11/2018 22:39

It sounds perfect! I can't cope with a long day wedding that goes on into the night (I'm only 36 not 96!) a tea room would be right up my street

RandomMess · 13/11/2018 22:46

I've recently been to a wedding with an afternoon tea reception it was lovely!! Smart dress, informal meal, great food - it was fab!

NoDancingPolicy · 13/11/2018 23:27

If anybody at your wedding is the type to be critical, they shouldn't be there. This is your wedding, your choice, your happy ever after. Forget the critics- just enjoy the day.

dawnacorns · 13/11/2018 23:44

This would be my ideal wedding to attend. Sounds great!

DeadCertain · 14/11/2018 06:09

I went to a morning wedding followed by brunch in a really nice tea shop; it was really lovely. Yours sounds great to me.