To feel this daft about changing my 3mo DD's first name

[brihalv]

Hello all,

Please stick with me here, I could really use an outside opinion.

So I changed my 3mo DD's name after I registered her. I am feeling that this decision has made me appear immature and flaky and I can't remember a time when I've felt more embarrassed.

I had a lot of things going on in pregnancy i.e. severe anxiety/apathy and names weren't at the forefront. Had a name I loved, but didn't use it due to social anxiety (coworker had a DD named this). So we basically picked a name out of the hat.

Things quieted down, I got some sleep, got on medication, coworker resigned... things got a lot more clear and I realised how silly I had been. It had gotten to the point where her current name made me cringe and I wanted nothing more than for her to be the name I loved. DH agreed and we changed it.

But now I'm so embarrassed about the ordeal that I am avoiding family functions. My mum is having the extended family round for dinner next week and I told her I couldn't make it, even though I desperately wanted to go and show off DD. I'm so ashamed of myself. I imagine someone saying "Oh look at (old name) isn't she darling" and me having to explain myself. Mum is being a bit difficult about it and refuses to help us tell family we've changed it. I think of having to explain this to people and their reactions and my heart starts beating out of my chest.

Can you all be completely honest with me? It's what I need right now. Is this situation something you'd consider "odd"? Should I feel this embarrassed and daft? What would you think if someone had told you they changed their DD's or DS's name a few months in? It would help to see how people would view this as a whole so I can maybe see how to approach it with people.

Thanks a lot.

The after fog of childbirth does odd things ime - choosing a name is pretty full on ! Lots of people wish they had chosen another name!! People like you have the guts to actually do it!! Be proud not ashamed!!
Congratulations on your squashy baby!!

I don't understand why you're so embarrassed? Just say 'We realised the name didn't suit her' or 'As we got to know her we didn't think it suited her personality' and leave it at that. Nobody else's business in the slightest.

Mum is being a bit difficult about it and refuses to help us tell family we've changed it Bit odd. And probably adding to your stress.

I honestly, hand on heart, wouldn't be phased by this at all. And you don't need to explain yourself! Just keep it really simple 'we decided x name didn't suit and it wasn't what we loved so we decided to go with x because it's what we wanted all along'
If someone said that to me I'd shrug and accept it. I don't think anyone will care. GO and show off your lovely baby, I bet it will be hardly mentioned.

This seems to be way more common than people realise.

If it was one of my family members, I would momentarily think “oh, I wonder why they changed it”. I’d probably ask out of curiosity, but a simple “we just thought [new name] suited her better” would suffice. Something casual like that, not making it seem like a big deal, even if it was for you. Then I’d just get on with things.

In the nicest way possible, nobody is going to care as much as you. I suffer from severe anxiety so I completely understand why you’re so worried, but I promise you’re making this way bigger in your head than it is.

You may get a few instances of people calling her by the old name out of habit to begin with, but it’s only been 3 months and people will get used to her new name before too long.

Unusual but not odd in a way that anyone should judge you. If they do judge you then they are the weird ones.

My parents changed my name at around 3 months. They'd originally gone with a more traditional choice, as my Gran had stated that she hated the name they wanted for me.
I love my name, and really don't like the original name (which they left as a middle name). My Gran never did call me by name (she used my mum's name instead, which was weird, but then she was a very strange and difficult woman).
Well done on going with your heart on this one. Don't worry about family/ friends, just explain that you changed your mind. If asked to explain further, you could just tell them 'once everything settled after the birth, she just didn't look like a 'original name'.'

I really don’t think you should be embarrassed, you changed the name, whilst still very very young !
No big deal, good for you for doing it !!

And I feel a bit stupid as I know in the grand scheme, this is so small! I think of all of the horrible things going on in the world... horrible things other families are dealing with... and here I am spinning out of control about DD's name. It lays on the guilt a bit.

Go online, order a T-shirt/babygro with “My Name Is Olivia*” on the front and go to the dinner and say what coffee said.
*insert actual name

I know it can be done but I've never known anyone to do it personally. I'd probably be nosey and want to know exactly why their name was changed. Have a clear reason to give people when they start asking so that you can let them know but you don't need to go into detail and feel embarrassed. Keep it simple, something like "Oh yes we did name her Meg but it just did not suit her, we thought with time it would but it didn't. So meet Alice!". Not everyone needs to know the details about the co-workers kid, it's not relevant to them.

I think I'd go, and be quite matter of fact and nonchalant about it. 'Oh, doesn't Olivia look gorgeous today!'

'Actually, we've changed her name to Sarah. You know, it just didn't seem to suit her so she's been Olivia for a while now!'

Although it might help if you get the names the right way around unlike me!

No need to feel embarrassed, I think when you look back you'll be proud you did make the change. One of my friends changed her girls name because it just didn't suit her and it happens quite a lot I think.

I went through a phase of disliking my dds name and now glad I didn’t change it. I wouldn’t think it was odd if one of my friends changed the name of their child. I was so Ill after I had DD that I would have gone along with any name just to get it on a birth certificate

So common that the law makes provision for changes of first name up to 12 months, so take heart from that! I felt super hormonal the day before I gave birth and nearly named one of mine ‘Bunnykins’ (cannot tell you how far from my usual very middle of the road personality and upbringing that was). Very very glad normal hormonal service was resumed, and gave a very full name (still love dull name 17 years on 🙂). Would have renamed her in a blink if I’d done that. Your mum sounds hard work, but that’s not a reflection on you. Plan your update for family, rehearse it lots with friends, and go brazen it out. People only respond awkwardly if you’re looking awkward, so go head high and a smile on your face and announce away! Xx

In the nicest possible way, you’re being daft. Nobody will care, and people will get used to the new name incredibly quickly. You might have to explain it to people the first time, but that will be it. It isn’t worth being upset over.

I think you should pat yourself on the back for sorting it out and not living with a name you hated.
As for the other people, I genuinely don't think people will react that much.
You just say 'and here's baby NewName (we decided not to go ahead with the original)' and that will be that. Over and done with.
Really, try and put it out of your head. Remember - the fear of the thing is always worse than the thing itself.

If I was you I'd be proud of myself for having the guts to go and change it. Many many people wish they had and never had the gut. Go to the party. It's absolutely nothing to be embarrassed or ashamed about!!

And I feel a bit stupid as I know in the grand scheme, this is so small!

That's your anxiety talking. Please don't worry. Enjoy your time with your little one!

You ladies are phenomenal, thanks so much for the replies so far. I think perhaps I'm feeling a bit stupid as my mum has had a rather negative reaction to it, i.e. "Who does this" "Only you would do something like this" etc. And she was one of the reasons I didn't name DD what I wanted in the first place as she goes "Oh I hope you don't name her that" whilst I was at the hospital.

We need to go down and re-register her and my mum is refusing to say anything until its done as she thinks I'm going to "flake out again", aaaargh.

What she doesn't realise is that it's not "flaking out" but it was just a poor decision at a time when stress was high and my mental health wasn't great. Now we've made it right and I just want to move on with life and have her be supportive!

I wonder if you’ve still got a little bit of social anxiety.

I wouldn’t find it odd knowing that someone had changed their child’s name, I might be curious but I wouldn’t judge them for it. It’s so hard naming a child!

The oddest thing is your mums lack of help over the issue.

Go to the dinner, kit your baby out in some personalised clothes and don’t give it another thought.

Agree completely with PPs, good on you for changing to the name you love. My parents changed my name when I was a few months old. They then added a nick name to the front of that and that's what I was christened several years later and what I've been know as ever since. I've never had any idea why they chose the names they did to start off with. I've only been told that they named me after a goat in a book for the second one! Be proud of the name you have chosen and enjoy showing her off to your extended family.

@BertramKibbler Yes I do still struggle with social anxiety. I just turned 30 in September and I've just now realised how horrible it is after this situation unfolded - every cloud has a silver lining and this was my wake-up call that I needed to get help for it. It really has affected my quality of life all these years and I've struggled with that and low self-esteem since I was at least a teen. I'm hoping that with counseling and medication, I can get back on my feet and can beat this anxiety once and for all!

Don't worry. These things happen. But it's not your mum's responsibility to help tell people. That's down to you. And while you're at it, tell your mum how your were feeling and how it got to this situation in the first place. If she continues to go in about "flaking out" then she's very unkind.

Why not let your extended family know by e-mail/text? You could keep the tone nice and light, e.g. ‚modified birth announcement: we realised that Jane just wasn’t a Jane but was more of a Sally, so after correcting her birth certificate, she is now officially Sally.
That way if they are surprised, you won’t be there to see it and by the time you see them the new name will be old news.