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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children giving up their seats..

447 replies

whatsthepointthen · 13/11/2018 10:13

I was on the bus this morning and my 2 children were sat in the seats, this is a small bus and gets very busy. After a few stops an older woman got on and kept loudly bitching that my kids didnt give up their seats and shaking her head.

for context my son fell on this exact bus flat on his back and banged his head on the floor a few months back as he was standing up (and holding on) but the bus whizzed round a corner so now i try to make sure they always get a seat.

Should children always give up their seats for an older person? wibu for not making them?

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 14:51

The OP has repeated a number of times that she wasn't sitting down at all. So why do posters keep repeating that she should have had one of them on her lap. It helps to read the thread!!

I think your DC could have squeezed onto one seat, but she was being unreasonable in not taking the seat that was offered. Some people just like to moan. Grin

blackteasplease · 13/11/2018 14:56

My 10yo would stand no question. My 4yo wouldn't be as safe standing so I wouldn't require it.

SilentIsla · 13/11/2018 14:58

You should be ashamed that an adult stood up and you think you were in the right. Cringe.

anitagreen · 13/11/2018 15:00

Hate these threads they always descend into chaos and rows.. but I wouldn't make my children give up their seat at all not a chance. They are kids they get tired easily I wouldn't trust them to stand and I couldn't have them on my lap. Thankfully I live in an area where buses are every 8 minutes.

RB68 · 13/11/2018 15:00

4 yr old would put on my lap if seated (or left sitting) - 6 yr old should be capable of standing with help - ie direction as to what to hold onto.

I do think kids should get up for older people. I understand re concerns over bus drivers driving but you should show them how to secure themselves properly if they do have to stand

RB68 · 13/11/2018 15:01

I said 4 yr old on lapp as that means OP should be seated with child so as not to take up standing room that could also be free'd up

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 13/11/2018 15:03

You should be ashamed that an adult stood up and you think you were in the right. Cringe.

so all adults??

secure themselves properly?! easy to say when the bus doesnt get completely packed that they are forced
to move down anyway. they know how to hold a bar, adults can be knocked off there feet too you know?!

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 15:05

Please note everyone, the OP was standing, so how could she put the 4 year old on her lap? Why can't some posters take that fact in???

I never knew children were supposed to give up their seat for an adult, but then I hardly ever use the bus. I would have thought younger children would be much safer sitting down. The comparison with playgrounds isn't apt, as children wouldn't be able to anticipate when the bus might turn suddenly and knock them off their feet.

SilentIsla · 13/11/2018 15:05

their

Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 15:08

The OP also had a pram to take care of with a baby in it, so she couldn't have sat down with a child on her lap.

Greensleeves · 13/11/2018 15:08

I think anyone seated on a bus should get up for someone less able to stand. So a child should get up for an older person IF the older person is les able to stand - but equally, if there is a mother with two children who are little enough that standing could lead to a fall, and only room on her lap for one, then an able-bodied adult should stand up for the other child.

Common sense really. The person who needs the seat most should have it. No need for Victorian nonsense about children being less deserving than adults because they're children.

squeakybird · 13/11/2018 15:09

If pensioners are entitled to a free seat, then children travelling with a paying adult absolutely are

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 13/11/2018 15:10

I cant sit with the kids and leave my baby!! it tells you on london buses NOT to leave your pram unattended and the seats were not by the pram (other people were sat in those) damned if you do damned if you dont tbh.

OP posts:
Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 13/11/2018 15:12

It announces on london buses “please stay with your buggy for your childs safety” even if it didnt its common sense you dont leave a baby in a pram and wonder off and sit out of sight, seats next to it fine but they were all taken.

OP posts:
Redken24 · 13/11/2018 15:15

These threads always amuse me.
I don't think you were being u.
Only because if the passenger was so keen to voice her opinion why didn't she ask for a seat?
Just cause your elderly doesn't give you more rights than anyone else nd it certainly doesn't mean that they could be fitter than the person sat.
When I got the bus everyday everyday oap bus riders wouldn't move shopping or move over so I would ask them ya know using words

Dinosauratemydaffodils · 13/11/2018 15:18

I'd expect a six year old to stand. Ds who is almost 4 maybe, he has amazing "sea legs" managing to run around on ferries where adults were struggling to stand still let alone move.

It says nowhere that children are only allowed to travel on buses free of charge as long as they give up seats for paying customers.

Our local bus company says exactly that:

"There is no charge for up to 4 children under 5 years of age when travelling with another responsible passenger providing they do not occupy a seat to the exclusion of a fare paying passenger or are seated in a buggy in an appropriate space on the vehicle."

That's from their conditions of carriage but they also have similar signs up on the buses themselves.

Perfectly1mperfect · 13/11/2018 15:20

Only because if the passenger was so keen to voice her opinion why didn't she ask for a seat?

We all know the type. Not happy unless they are moaning. If she had asked for a seat, chances are a couple of people would have offered and then she wouldn't have been able whinge to the rest of the bus and be shitty about a couple of little children and their mum who was also looking after her baby.

havingabadhairday · 13/11/2018 15:41

@Alfie190

A four year old and a six year old can hold on can't they? A four or a six year old falling over would be likely to sustain far less damage than an elderly person having a fall. They should have taken up one seat or stood.

My five year old would struggle, depending on the route. He fell over on the train not so long ago, while holding my hand, and that doesn't go hurtling round corners or down hills the way some buses do. Unfortunately for him he appears to have inherited my clumsiness and lack of co-ordination and he always seemed slightly behind his peers in terms of physical ability and co-ordination - again, just like me.

We've also ended up in A&E with him twice after falls.

I just have the one though and I'm happy to have him sit on my lap. If you have three it must be harder.

Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 16:09

I've always understood mums with prams to be priority passengers, along with pregnant women, elderly and infirm passengers and passengers with heavy shopping.

I would never have dreamt of making life harder for an already harassed mum with 3 children, whatever policy the bus company might have had for fare paying passengers, and I've mostly only ever travelled by bus as a child free adult. This type of thread really puts me off travelling by bus with my DDs. Thank goodness I have a car!!

Roomba · 13/11/2018 16:13

I'd expect my children to stand up when busy, or I'd move DS2 into my knee. I was brought up to do the same and they do it automatically without me having to remind them now.

That said, I wouldn't necessarily judge a child who didn't stand up and I certainly wouldn't pass comment. There are any number of reasons why it may not be safe for them to be standing up and that's not really my business to enquire about.

picnicinnovember · 13/11/2018 16:26

When I was a child small children sat on their mum's lap when the bus was full or bunched up beside their sibling to free up a seat.

Older children stood up to let elderly people sit down.

Nowadays that seems to be seen as an infringement of their rights, or the mum can't take a child on her lap because this, that or the other.

Meanwhile, elderly or infirm people are regularly left to stand by selfish mums or selfish young adults who are so busy looking at their phones they don't even see anyone else.

It is always left to the 40 and 50 somethings to do the decent thing - the ones who spend their own childhood and young adult years standing up for others.

No doubt when they reach elderly stage and think 'at last, I'll be given a seat' the by then 40 and 50 somethings will have discovered a reason why they and their young adult children couldn't possibly be asked to offer their seat.

Ladymargarethall · 13/11/2018 16:26

The woman who 'bitched' was probably a similar age to me. My mother would, as soon as all the seats were taken, have primed me to offer my seat (I was the eldest). It was a given that children did not sit while adults stood. It would not have occurred to me to question it. Our turn would come when we were adults. My mother also folded my sister's pushchair and put it under the stairs, but buses were different then.
I cannot speak for the woman in question but I would hope that the two children would hitch up and make room for the adult to perch on the seat until someone else for off and a seat became available.
I do think it a little ironic that the OP talks about the woman 'bitching' and then comes on to Mumsnet to moan about her.

Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 16:34

Once again, there wasn't the possibility of the OP putting one of them in her knee. Not with a pram, as has been explained. Hmm

ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 16:34

It is always left to the 40 and 50 somethings to do the decent thing - the ones who spend their own childhood and young adult years standing up for others.

This, exactly. I'll add that my parents were standing up and vacating their seats for older people well into their 60s, and only stopped when their health and fitness started to decline.

Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 16:37

@picnicinnovember

Nowadays that seems to be seen as an infringement of their rights, or the mum can't take a child on her lap because this, that or the other.

This mum had a pram to look after, which se couldn't leave. How do you suggest she could have put one of the DC on her knee??