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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children giving up their seats..

447 replies

whatsthepointthen · 13/11/2018 10:13

I was on the bus this morning and my 2 children were sat in the seats, this is a small bus and gets very busy. After a few stops an older woman got on and kept loudly bitching that my kids didnt give up their seats and shaking her head.

for context my son fell on this exact bus flat on his back and banged his head on the floor a few months back as he was standing up (and holding on) but the bus whizzed round a corner so now i try to make sure they always get a seat.

Should children always give up their seats for an older person? wibu for not making them?

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 16:38

I meant 'she' of course, not 'se'. Blush

LuckyAmy1986 · 13/11/2018 16:39

This, exactly. I'll add that my parents were standing up and vacating their seats for older people well into their 60s, and only stopped when their health and fitness started to decline.

That’s great but what about young children who aren’t able to stand easily and are at risk of falling over as is the case here? Should they be made to stand for older people? Are they not on the same level of need?

Ringbinger · 13/11/2018 16:40

Even if the lady was too “large” for there to be room for her to sit with your two kids squished into one seat, it would have been polite to at least offer that. I live in inner London and my children at that age would have automatically budged up and shared. That is what the physicality of small children allows them to do, there physical advantage I’ve adults - to share a seat.

As for why the woman wanted one of your children’s seats- were they in priority seats?

picnicinnovember · 13/11/2018 16:40

Lizzie

Obviously I'm not talking about this particular mother taking a child on her lap. She didn't even have a seat, so how would that even be logical? I'm talking about the general attitudes I see in RL and on threads like this one.

ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 16:41

That’s great but what about young children who aren’t able to stand easily and are at risk of falling over

Obviously, if the child has a health condition or disability that means they can't safely stand, they should have a seat.

LuckyAmy1986 · 13/11/2018 16:45

Obviously, if the child has a health condition or disability that means they can't safely stand, they should have a seat.

No I meant any little child. Who (generally speaking) can’t hold on that well and hasn’t got much balance. Whose mum has got her hands full and can’t hold onto them to make sure they don’t fall?

Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 16:46

Okay, so what do you suggest she should have done? The only options would have been to have got her DC to share a seat or to have told the six year old to stand up. Both would have been possible, but the lady in question was offered a seat by another passenger, which she didn't accept.

Maybe if she'd made a polite request rather than moaning the OP would have been more sympathetic. (But then there wouldn't be a thread on me.)

Gingerivy · 13/11/2018 16:47

Also, if your kids can’t stand on a bus safely then it’s not a good idea taking them. You can’t always be guaranteed a seat.

Because that's such a good option when you have two children with disabilities, right? Just stay home. Don't use public transport. Hmm

At least make an effort to be realistic .

ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 16:48

Can you define a 'little child'? The OP's older child was six. I wouldn't expect an able-bodied and healthy six year old to have difficulty walking, standing and balancing.

Grrrrrrt · 13/11/2018 16:51

People who aren't able-bodied first
Pregnant women second
Young children third
Then everyone else.

The woman was BU, given that there we plenty of able bodied people on the bus, including one who offered her a seat. She behaved poorly.

chillpizza · 13/11/2018 16:52

My nearly 7 year old who looks completely healthy has diagnosed mobility issues which could lead to her needing surgery. On a good day she runs around like a normal child.

MakeAHouseAHome · 13/11/2018 16:55

Haha so this has now turned into some people saying fare paying adults should give up their seats for no fare paying young children. Not a chance in hell would I do that.

I pay nearly £3k for my season ticket, I am more entitled to that seat that your DC who is travelling for free or half price etx.

LuckyAmy1986 · 13/11/2018 16:56

Can you define a 'little child'? The OP's older child was six. I wouldn't expect an able-bodied and healthy six year old to have difficulty walking, standing and balancing.

Ok so what age would you expect that from then? Personally I think a six year old would be much safer sitting down. If we are getting towards 7/8/9 then I would agree with you. But anyway you said that only if they had a health condition or disability, so I presume even a 3/4/5 year old wouldn’t need a seat in your opinion?

ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 16:58

chillpizza I'm sorry to hear your daughter might need surgery.

I think everyone on this thread is agreed that people of any age who have disabilities (visible or invisible) or impaired mobility for other reasons should be given priority to be seated.

Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 16:59

I would give up my seat for a mum with a baby and a toddler, who quite frankly would cause mayhem if allowed to run and climb around. I would be concerned about safety rather than whether or not they had paid a fare (which doesn't impact on my life at all!).

ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 17:03

LuckyAmy1986 I think when you start to talk about children under five, it becomes harder to set an age-limit because some will be more advanced than others.

I would think, though, that children who are old enough to go to school and participate normally in activities like PE, gymnastics, playground games, climbing etc. are old enough to stand and balance.

Ringbinger · 13/11/2018 17:05

Still wanting to know why the OP didn’t ask her children to share a seat to see if it gave the woman enough room. Yes I know the OP has said she was a “much larger lady” but unless she was so large she require two seats - in which case one wouldn’t do -, or the OP’s children are also “much larger”, then there’s no reason why they couldn’t have all fit.

It was off of you OP to have seen the woman be elderly and complaining about not having a seat on a packed bus when your small children had one each. The other person offered their seat because the woman was complaining. She was complaining because she felt they weren’t entitled to two seats, and while I don’t think both of your kids should have been standing, I do think it’s unreasonable to have not made them share.

CookingGood · 13/11/2018 17:09

When I was younger I was taking my 6 year old sister to school on the bus, we were both stood up, bus brakes sharply and she hit her face on the pole, knocking 3 teeth out (luckily baby teeth) it was a blood bath and absolutely terrifying for her. 20 years later she still remembers every detail.

She did gymnastics and trampolining and had perfect balance.

I’d never ask a child to move for me, even when pregnant, and would offer my seat to a child rather than see one stand.

LuckyAmy1986 · 13/11/2018 17:17

I think when you start to talk about children under five, it becomes harder to set an age-limit because some will be more advanced than others. true

I would think, though, that children who are old enough to go to school and participate normally in activities like PE, gymnastics, playground games, climbing etc. are old enough to stand and balance. I disagree. We will have to agree to disagree! I would never want a child to give up their seat for me. It makes me nervous. And I get that elders deserve respect, but it has to go both ways.

ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 17:18

she hit her face on the pole, knocking 3 teeth out (luckily baby teeth) it was a blood bath and absolutely terrifying for her

That's a horrible experience, but why would it be any less horrible for an older child or adult? (there's the added ongoing unpleasantness that anyone old enough to have their adult teeth would be facing dental implants).

I would suggest incidents like that are more of an argument for disallowing standing on buses altogether, than saying no children should stand.

ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 17:21

I get that elders deserve respect

I'm not in the 'elders automatically deserve respect' camp - there are dozens of examples which disprove that theory! My argument comes from the point of view that general consideration for others should begin at a young age, so it becomes second nature by the time one is an adult.

LuckyAmy1986 · 13/11/2018 17:32

I would completely agree with that, but I just don’t agree with young children standing, in my view they need a seat as much as an elderly person. But like I said it looks like we will have to agree to disagree there!

ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 17:34

Yes, let's agree to disagree on that point! Smile

LuckyAmy1986 · 13/11/2018 17:38
Grin
Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 17:45

A child of 5/6 would probably be able to hold on, but would they realise that they needed to? The parent could tell them to hold on, but they might let go, and with a mother who is distracted looking after a baby in a pram, there wouldn't be adequate supervision.

Young children have a lot of accidents.