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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children giving up their seats..

447 replies

whatsthepointthen · 13/11/2018 10:13

I was on the bus this morning and my 2 children were sat in the seats, this is a small bus and gets very busy. After a few stops an older woman got on and kept loudly bitching that my kids didnt give up their seats and shaking her head.

for context my son fell on this exact bus flat on his back and banged his head on the floor a few months back as he was standing up (and holding on) but the bus whizzed round a corner so now i try to make sure they always get a seat.

Should children always give up their seats for an older person? wibu for not making them?

OP posts:
Clothrabbit · 13/11/2018 13:58

OP
Who offered the woman their seat. Was it someone quite close to her age or something like that, so she felt they needed the seat as much as she did?

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 13/11/2018 14:01

I would say the woman was slighlty younger who offered, maybe 40s/50s? I think it was more to point out that she felt it should be the kids to move as like i said she made a comment about half term

OP posts:
Perfectly1mperfect · 13/11/2018 14:01

I'm not sure why you stated this thread as you only seem to went people to agree with you

I'm sure the OP would have welcomed sensible alternative views. But all I have seen offered up is "children should give up a seat for old people, regardless of circumstances, because that's what happened in 1950" and "it's the child's fault if they fall over whilst standing as clearly they should be holding on properly"

It's hard to take these views seriously really.

buckingfrolicks · 13/11/2018 14:02

Perhaps a child is presumed to have more energy and less bodily exhaustion than an adult.

I assume that the old bus rules of kids standing partly evolved from that POV as well as the former social position of adults warranting automatic respect.

I don't like it. Kids who don't stand when they are little are more likely to become royal assholes as teenagers and adults with a me-first, bugger the world attitude.

bobstersmum · 13/11/2018 14:05

I've never heard of such small children being expected to give up their seat and stand on a bus. Maybe from age 8 up if they are fully able but not at 4+6.

HellenaHandbasket · 13/11/2018 14:07

I think a 4 and 6 yr old are far safer seated. If it was possible I would ask 4 yr old to sit on the 6 yr Old's lap, but that isn't always feasible.

MrsStrowman · 13/11/2018 14:09

@Perfectly1mperfect others have said for the children to budge up and share, if the woman couldn't fit then at least a visible effort was made. Also if the OP had a response to why every single other option isn't suitable what is she posting for other than to create a bun fight?

I had to get the tube recently I'm eight months pregnant and using a crutch because of pelvic issues. I had to strap hang for over an hour on three trains. There were lots of seats taken by children 6-11 who could've stood not one offered and not one was asked to by a parent. On one train there was a priority seat reasonably occupied by a very elderly and frail looking lady, she patted me on the arm and said I'm getting off next stop you make sure you sit here, as she stood a woman in her forties/fifties pushed me out of the way to occupy the seat, when I said excuse me she just ignored me completely. People are rude on public transport and it doesn't hurt to at least try to make an effort so as many people at possible can be comfortable. Prior to the last couple of months I would always offer my seat to an elderly, infirm, pregnant person or a parent with a young child.
The next day I was traveling back cross country and the train had been cancelled so no seat reservations again, heavily pregnant and on crutches some seats were taken by children and baggage, the only person who moved their bags for me to sit was a lady in her seventies.

chillpizza · 13/11/2018 14:11

Here you pay once over five which my older two are so no they wouldn’t be moving. They have paid for their seats just like anyone else. Under 5 and I don’t think it’s safe for them to be standing either. I would normally have the toddler on my knee.

The only priority on a bus is for wheelchair users the rest is first come first served.

Cherries101 · 13/11/2018 14:14

At 4 and 6 I would expect related kids to share one seat, not hog two. Also, if your kids can’t stand on a bus safely then it’s not a good idea taking them. You can’t always be guaranteed a seat.

ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 14:15

Mrs Strowman If the children were under five and travelling free, according to Virgin Trains policy, they shouldn't have been occupying a seat on a busy train:

"Children under the age of 5 can travel free of charge and don't need a ticket, but please remember that this means they don't have a seat reservation and so will be expected to sit on your knee if the train is busy."

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 13/11/2018 14:16

I wouldn't have moved purely because she was so rude!!

She could have asked politely for a seat at which point, the 4 & 6 year old probably could have got on one seat.

Perfectly1mperfect · 13/11/2018 14:17

MrsStrowman

But can't you see, she didn't want a seat. She was offered one and didn't accept it. She was just making a point that children should move for her IMO. Not all people of 60+ are nice people just cos they are getting on a bit !

As for your own situation, I think you have been very unlucky to have found so few people willing to offer you a seat. I had SPD in my second pregnancy and people could not have been more helpful. I was offered seats at the GP surgery, the chemist, on trains. I noticed you picked up on parents and children not moving for you. Why did you also not notice the childless people who also didn't offer and who it may have been easier to.

I find most people to be very kind and helpful when they see someone in need.

chillpizza · 13/11/2018 14:19

cherries maybe this elderly women should take that advice too then if she cannot safely stand she shouldnt use a bus as she can’t be guaranteed a seat.

Cherries101 · 13/11/2018 14:22

@chillpizza— so if a woman with six kids under 6 goes on the bus, she should take up six seperate seats for her freebie kids? Hell no. You encourage your kids to share seats. That’s what a considerate person does. OP isn’t considerate at all.

PavlovianLunge · 13/11/2018 14:23

Well, she was old, and fat, and bitching, so of course YANBU.

That’s what you want to be told, right?

Perfectly1mperfect · 13/11/2018 14:29

so if a woman with six kids under 6 goes on the bus, she should take up six seperate seats for her freebie kids?

Shock What about if 6 OAPs got on the bus with their 'freebie' bus pass ? Should they share seats as they are 'freebie OAPs'. Why do some people seem to dislike children so much ?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 13/11/2018 14:31

Some people just really don’t see children as humans. It’s sad.

Perfectly1mperfect · 13/11/2018 14:35

NotUmbongoUnchained

It is really sad. I'm glad I don't see much of it in real life. I hope people are just saying the things they are for shock value and to cause argument as its quite disturbing to think so many people hold these views.

LuckyAmy1986 · 13/11/2018 14:36

I’m with you OP. Children are not second class citizens.

BertrandRussell · 13/11/2018 14:37

"Why do some people seem to dislike children so much ?"
I don't dislike children at all. I just think that two little ones should share one seat on a crowded bus.

Why do some people dislike older people so much?

NotUmbongoUnchained · 13/11/2018 14:37

I went out for dinner with friends the other day and a woman who was running late literally came over, picked up my 2 year old and moved him to the other end of the table so she could sit and talk to the people he was talking with. She very quickly moved him back and fucked off when I had said what I thought of that! That’s how little children are valued.

mmgirish · 13/11/2018 14:39

I live in Asia. Whenever we are on the train here people always offer their seats to children actually. It's so unusual.

llangennith · 13/11/2018 14:40

I'm 66 and of the generation that always stood up for an older person. I rarely get the bus as public transport where I live is crap.
However, I spent a week at my DD's recently where the bus service is frequent and plenty. I have arthritis in my knees and felt very vulnerable while the bus was moving. I had a seat but kept sitting till the bus had actually stopped before I stood up to get off. I don't think I'd have been able to maintain my balance if I'd had to stand on a moving bus.
The lady was rude the way she went about it but I just thought I'd put another POV.

dontalltalkatonce · 13/11/2018 14:42

YANBU. I never understood the give up your seats for the adults bollocks.

Perfectly1mperfect · 13/11/2018 14:44

Why do some people dislike older people so much?

I dont dislike any group of people. But I only like polite, kind people. So it doesn't matter if this woman would have been 16, 30, 45 or 90, she was rude and therefore doesn't warrant my consideration or my children's.

I find most older people lovely though, especially to my children when they were younger.