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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Children giving up their seats..

447 replies

whatsthepointthen · 13/11/2018 10:13

I was on the bus this morning and my 2 children were sat in the seats, this is a small bus and gets very busy. After a few stops an older woman got on and kept loudly bitching that my kids didnt give up their seats and shaking her head.

for context my son fell on this exact bus flat on his back and banged his head on the floor a few months back as he was standing up (and holding on) but the bus whizzed round a corner so now i try to make sure they always get a seat.

Should children always give up their seats for an older person? wibu for not making them?

OP posts:
Perfectly1mperfect · 13/11/2018 19:57

You also don't know if the older woman has fallen before on a bus which is why she was vocal about seats

But the OP did know that her own child had fallen on this bus not too long ago. Is she not allowed to look out for her own child ?The old woman wasn't interested in that though.

Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 19:59

It does, I'm 49 actually and I have an elderly DM and MIL. Yes, I do agree that the DC could have shared a seat. But from the way the OP described it, she wasn't immediately aware of the other lady moaning at first, and then another passenger offered their seat. So why didn't the other passenger accept their offer? Please address that question.

Original poster
whatsthepointthen · 13/11/2018 20:02

Ive done the school run for a while now and been pregnant during that time as i said never been offered a seat even with the baby in the sling again was never offered but unlike others i dont expect it and certainly wouldnt moan and complain vocally about it.

they were not in the priority seats. not that it matters imo.

OP posts:
ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 20:04

Please address that question.

Someone earlier put forward the theory that the other person offering the seat might have been fairly old themselves, thus the complaining woman would have felt guilty about accepting - but I think the only person who can really answer that question is the woman herself!

Lizzie48 · 13/11/2018 20:12

It doesn't sound as though she was feeling guilty, more like she wanted a good old moan. Either way, if she really had been desperate to sit down, then she would have accepted the offer.

There's no reason to think the other passenger was old, there are helpful passengers of all ages. (Not all that many by the sound of things.)

Hocusypocus · 13/11/2018 20:17

Moaners on busses annoy me.

I'm pregnant, exhausted and was glared at in judgement by an older lady on the bus today because she wanted the seat I was in (the ones allocated for the disabled, elderly and oh.. pregnant)

I digress. I obliged and gave up my seat out of courtesy but if the tables were turned and a child was sat where I was, there's no way I'd stand there huffing and puffing about it, moaning loud enough to the poor child could hear me.

I'd be more inclined to ask an adult if they'd kindly allow me to sit down.

Perfectly1mperfect · 13/11/2018 20:18

Someone earlier put forward the theory that the other person offering the seat might have been fairly old themselves,

OP said the person who offered the grumpy old woman the seat was in her 40s or 50s, so not old ! If the grumpy old woman needed the seat she would have taken it. from someone 10-20 years younger than herself.

ScreamingValenta · 13/11/2018 20:26

OP said the person who offered the grumpy old woman the seat was in her 40s or 50s

But why is it so often this age group who are the ones to do the right thing?

I think I've said all I have to say on this now, and as a previous poster said, it's probably wisest to agree to differ.

I suspect, if in 20, 40, 60 years' time, we still have buses, and they haven't become all-seaters, some of those arguing for the rights of six-year-olds to sit while pensioners stand, will have changed their viewpoint.

Perfectly1mperfect · 13/11/2018 20:38

But why is it so often this age group who are the ones to do the right thing?

I can't answer that because that's not what I have seen myself. When I was pregnant many different aged people offered me a seat. Men aged late 20s to 40s in particular, I put it down to them maybe having had pregnant partners so they were considerate of others in the same situation. On trains I have seen lovely teens and people in their 20s offer seats to older people.

I am late 30s and would always offer my seat to any person that needed it as long as they were not rude.

cadburyegg · 13/11/2018 20:39

4 and 6 year olds should not be made to stand on buses when the rest of the bus was filled by able bodied adults. The woman even declined the offer of a seat from someone. YANBU.

This thread reminds me of why we rarely get buses.

maddiemookins16mum · 13/11/2018 20:41

A four and six year old could have shared a seat (albeit at a push).

Londongirl888 · 13/11/2018 20:43

ScreamingValenta. Spot on.

Biancadelriosback · 13/11/2018 20:45

As someone who has been knocked unconscious on a bus, no way would I make my young child stand unless they were the only one physically able to. And so what if they get free bus tickets? When you turn 60 don't you get a free bus pass? So anyone claiming this surely can't sit down either? As for it being manners to make young children stand for able bodied adults...I'm sure it was also considered bad manners to not have sex with your husband whenever he wanted it hence martial rape being legal until recently....

Hideandgo · 13/11/2018 20:49

OP you don’t need to apologise or defend anything. The chairs were there for humans to use. Your kids have a right to them like anyone else. As a courtesy you CAN prioritise someone and give up a seat but there’s no obligation to. You had 3 small children and a pram and used 2 seats to keep you all safe. Perfectly reasonable. never feel bad.

LadyHooHa · 13/11/2018 20:52

I have always told my DC to give up their seats for someone older. They are now teenagers and still offer, however foul they are at home. I am glad of this.

LadyHooHa · 13/11/2018 20:54

Also occurs to me that only on MN would children giving their seats to older people be an issue. IRL, children with decent parents do this, and don't get concussion as a result. FFS.

Biancadelriosback · 13/11/2018 21:00

Seems to me that only on MN do people think they've somehow earned their seat on the bus purely by existing longer than others...

icedqueen · 13/11/2018 21:02

I get buses every day to work, I've got a broken arm in a sling and have had to ask for a seat every day!

People are too wrapped up in themselves in my opinion.

Catnut · 13/11/2018 21:07

Yanbu. I'm amazed that so many people have such disregard for the safety of small children. That was your responsibility and priority OP and I'd have done exactly the same thing.

fuckitbuckit · 13/11/2018 21:07

Your kids should have been respectful and given up there seats to people who really needed them. But respect is taught so if you feel they were in the right to stay seated and let an elderly person stand then that's down to you and your morals. Kids would have been perfectly capable of standing with you and holding onto the pram/bars/your leg/bus walls.

Talkingfrog · 13/11/2018 21:10

Yanbu. If she refused a seat when offered by someone and kept moaning about your children she was being rude. She wasn't going to be happy unless they were standing.
I would put my daughter 7 on my lap, or stand myself. If the bus was that busy there would have been plenty of able bodied adults that would have been better places to stand. An adult can see more and make a better judgement as to when the bus is going to stop, if they need to move for someone to get off. A child of 6 will find that harder to do as they are shorter and can't see as much. They are also more likely to get knocked in the head or face by other people. Also the seat they are holding on to for balance is head height so they are more likely than an adult to get a head injury if the bus stops suddenly.
If my daughter had to stand, I would be stood with her.
No one should be forced by others to stand for someone else as you never know if they have any hidden reasons for not standing.
At one point when I was younger I had knee problems. Other people would have thought I looked fine, but did not know I was wearing a knee support and doing physio each day.
Having said that, if I saw someone standing that I thought needed my seat more than me I would always offer, because I try to be considerate to others. If someone was moaning rudely about not having a seat, I would see them as rude and might not bother.

Drogosnextwife · 13/11/2018 21:12

I would think, though, that children who are old enough to go to school and participate normally in activities like PE, gymnastics, playground games, climbing etc. are old enough to stand and balance.

In a moving vehicle😂 ok then, most able bodied adults struggle with it.

BeardedMum · 13/11/2018 21:14

I regularly give up my seat for children on my commute. I think they get tired from standing and it can be difficult for them to hold on. I rarely give up my seat for an older person unless really and frail as I have had my offer turned down so often I am not worried about causing offense.

Drogosnextwife · 13/11/2018 21:18

Kids would have been perfectly capable of standing with you and holding onto the pram/bars/your leg/bus walls.

Oh FFS!

Schuyler · 13/11/2018 21:19

I am visibly disabled (crutches) and without fail, the people who always offer me seats are young men and young women. When I say ‘young’, I’d say teens up to mid twenties. The middle aged tend to be totally fascinated in their papers or spontaneously fall asleep. I am invisible to them.

When children fall, they tend not to put their hands out to stop the fall as healthy adults would do. They’re more likely to have face and head injuries. Elderly people are similar but this lady was offered a seat and declined, so she can’t be that frail. Also, plenty of people in their 60s are fit and healthy and working, we shouldn’t make assumptions. It’s fine to offer your seat if you don’t need it but these are small children and I think they did need it.