Children giving up their seats..

[whatsthepointthen]

I was on the bus this morning and my 2 children were sat in the seats, this is a small bus and gets very busy. After a few stops an older woman got on and kept loudly bitching that my kids didnt give up their seats and shaking her head.

for context my son fell on this exact bus flat on his back and banged his head on the floor a few months back as he was standing up (and holding on) but the bus whizzed round a corner so now i try to make sure they always get a seat.

Should children always give up their seats for an older person? wibu for not making them?

My dd is now 11, and if someone gets on the tube who needs a seat she sits on my lap. In the situation where we were on a really erratic bus and someone got on who needed a seat I would stand for them and my dd would stay seated. I would usually always try to accommodate an elderly person/pregnant woman tbh, but then I was brought up that way. My grandma always insisted we stood if someone needed it, and it has stayed with me ever since.

An adult can see more and make a better judgement as to when the bus is going to stop, if they need to move for someone to get off. A child of 6 will find that harder to do as they are shorter and can't see as much. They are also more likely to get knocked in the head or face by other people. Also the seat they are holding on to for balance is head height so they are more likely than an adult to get a head injury if the bus stops suddenly.
If my daughter had to stand, I would be stood with her.

This was exactly my point earlier in the thread. If I were on a bus with my DDs, I would stand with one whilst the other sat down. That wasn't an option for the OP, who had her baby in the buggy to take care of.

She picked on you because being mean about kids and their mothers is easy (as shown on this thread) and certainly easier than confronting other adults who aren’t being polite.

Selfish
Entitled
Yada yada yada

She could have taken a seat from a less vulnerable person but that wouldn’t have given her the opportunity to bitch about how terrible the younger generation is.

No reasonable person would expect small child to stand whilst fit and healthy able bodied adults are seated. My 6 has given up his seat but usually when I can hold onto him as he would go flying. I couldn’t have done that with a pram.

Also, one further point. On paper it makes sense to get a four and six year old to sit together on one seat to make room for an older passenger. In practice, it isn't always possible. At 4, my DD2 was very clingy and would never have sat down next to someone she didn't know if I hadn't been sitting with her.

Obviously, in our case, I could have done that as I didn't have a baby in a buggy. (Although if would have been a squash as I'm not exactly slim. )

I don't think that woman actually wanted a seat. She was commenting on her perception of your children's lack of manners and therefore your lack of manners in her eyes.

I expect is this woman grew up in an age where children automatically gave up their seats for adults. The fact your kids didn't at least to attempt to budge up and sit in one seat or the older one stand up and offer his seat off his own back or after direction from you is likely what set her off.

I don’t believe that anyone who thinks small children should give up their seats can have travelled on public transport recently. Madness. In fact, As a middle aged person I often offer my seat to children. There’s no question about who needs it more.

Old people can be real arseholes. I’ll never forget the time when my son (then about 10) and his friend we’re kicked out of their seats at the cinema when some woman claimed to the usher that they were in her seat. She was unbelievably rude. I was sitting separately and intervened when I saw what was going on. Of course they were in the right place and the woman was wrong. No apology or anything. The usher simply assumed the woman was right because she was old, but sometimes old people are just stupid dicks.

I think your young children needed the seats more than a woman in her 60s. She was rude.

And I am always grateful when people offer my 9 yr old a seat as she gets much more travel sick standing up than sitting down.

I think a 4 and 6 year old should sit down (for the very reason you mentioned - falling over when going around bends etc).

Shame she will pick on young children and moan about them but not suggest a young fit adult should move or a teenager! …. easier target.

However, I find people of all ages sitting in disabled seats and blocking areas for wheelchairs really not on - but they still do it.

My 8 year old has arthritis. I pay for both her and my 5 year olds’ travel cards. I only get them to give up their seats to someone who obviously needs it, but will get my younger daughter to sit on my knee if the bus is busy. I’m sure people must think I’m a selfish cow for not making my children defer to adults as a matter of course. Also, I stand instead of them so probably people also think I’m raising pandered to snowflake children.

I like the thought of teaching my child to give up their seat for someone elderly etc but at the end of the day, who should you care more about hurting themselves? An elderly stranger off the street or your own child? It’s a really hard one but I think it comes down to looking after number one because everyone else seems to so why put your chil in danger?

"Old people can be real arseholes"
Nope.
"People can be real arseholes"

Fixed that for you.

You were BU for not asking the eldest child to give up their seat for the older woman.

However she was also BU for calling you out on it.

If the DC were sitting together, would have got them to squash up a bit to allow a passenger to sit.

Able-bodied children who can stand safely (hanging on to the rails, if necessary), should always give up their seats to anyone who's disabled, pregnant, frail or ill. It's common courtesy and respectful. It's absolutely essential that we try to instill this into our children whilst bringing them up

She was BU. She chose to get on that bus rather than wait for the next one and be first on. Your DC had no choice, they had to get on with you. I have stood on a train while DC sat down, because it is very hard sometimes to stay standing when the train stops. I have a duty to keep my DC safe.

If she was offered a seat and didn't take it then she was being stupid and didn't actually want to sit down did she?

If they're travelling free, then yes. They should get up. It's teaching them politeness if nothing else. One on your knee and the other beside you, their hand on the pole or seat back in front of you and your free hand supporting them. I remember my mum doing it with us and she had 4 under 5 at one point.

The 4 year old on your knee and the 6 year old standing. That would be my view. I don’t like my boys to sit whilst adults are standing, but I know people think differently (eg if like your chikdcthey’ve Had a fall) and that’s fine too. What does annoy me is seeing kids taking up a seat but not really sitting in it (iyswim) - if they’re up and down like jack-in-a-boxes. That’s not on.

trust someone to bring gender into it, someone 'bitching' could be male / female or uncertain today what the fuck does it matter ? it's only another expression for moaning and complaining to get attention.

BR, of course it’s true of people generally but I’m talking about old people and specifically the tendency some people have to assume that someone is in the right just because they are old.

As an 84 year old woman, I do expect mothers to use their laps for children. When I was a child in Liverpool, We automatically gave up a seat on the tram or bus for an adult. These days I ask very politely for a seat if that seat is designated for older, pregnant or disabled passengers. Often they are occupied by young, able people. To me teaching your child manners and to show respect for their elders n important part of your duty. Far too often children are not taught good manners and are often over indulged. This does not bode well for their adult life.Good manners cost nothing but time spent to teach them and what a pleasure it is to meet well mannered people.

@Hector2000

If you'd read the thread you would have realised that the OP had a baby in the pram that she had to mind so she was hardly able to sit down with a child on her knee.

Children should give up seats to adults on the bus but it is not really the job of the child to do it. It is the responsibility of the parent and the child can sit on the parent's knee. It also depends on the age of the child. I suppose there isn't really the same respect for elders. However, this woman should not have shouted at your child. After her shouting, I would not have given her the seat and I would have informed her of this politely.

Lizzie48 and OP - you’re right, I read the post too quickly, and my apologies for any upset caused. But had she just got a 4 and 6 yo (as I originally thought) and no baby, then my post would stand - at least, as my opinion.

There was a baby in a pram that the OP was minding, how many times??? She wasn't in a position to sit down with a child on her knee!! It's not applicable here.