To be embarrassed to go to exercise classes because of my size

[survivalmode]

I'm a size 20 and woefully out of shape. I had a baby four months ago and haven't really moved since. My core has completely gone to shit. I am so stiff when I wake up in the morning that I find it hard to wipe after I've used the loo. I'm embarrassed by this.

I want to play with my kids on the floor and be able to get back up again without having to go on all fours and heave myself up. I want to be able to walk down the stairs alternately in the morning instead of shuffling down one step at a time. I want to be able to feel like I've wiped my arse properly.

Yoga appeals, not because I see it as an easy option, but because I feel like a lot of my weakness is in my core. I also suffer from anxiety and think that my breathing could be greatly improved.

But I'm too embarrassed to book a class. For the first few months I'm not even sure I'd be able to hold the most simple poses. I feel very awkward about my gut/upper arms dangling all over the place. In my head I picture the class being full of size 8 women with perky high ponytails. And it terrifies me.

AIBU to feel this way? (Also, if you're about to suggest that I eat less please spare yourself the trouble, I know this needs work too)

I understand your apprehension OP.
I've been to many different exercise classes over the years and everyone of them have had people of all shapes and sizes partaking. Everyone is too busy worrying about their own shape to consider others imo.

Please go. The first couple of times will be scary but once you've found your feet I guarantee you will enjoy it and wonder what all the worry beforehand was about.

What about swimming? Once you're in the water nobody can see you and it's a brilliant way to ease into exercise imo.

Good luck 😉

The thing I’d suggest is beginner Pilates for your core- I find it easier to get into than yoga and ‘feel’ it a bit more- if you have that available.

Honestly in my gym (nothing fancy, run of the mill mid range type place) there’s a myriad of shapes and sizes. I don’t do the dance classes as they can be pretty show-offy but I’m my experience, no one gives a shit about anyone else, You just do your thing. Not overweight but I am bloody awkward and unco-ordinated so I was very anxious about the first time I went. It was fine.

OP please take a look at Fitness Blender workouts on you tube and their own website. They are brilliant. You can do stand alone workouts or buy a program for a small cost. I also love Davina DVDs. Get fitter at home and build your confidence before a class?

I was you! Size 20 and miserable.

5 weeks ago I joined weight watchers and a gym. I e lost 17lbs and go to step and swim. The instructor is lovely and discreetly shows me easier versions of exercises to do. I feel so much better already and am now I’m a whole dress size smaller. Feel much more positive. Give it a go x

Check out Jessamyn Stanley for some big girl yoga inspiration. Just jump on the mat, you'll feel amazing afterwards.

why not go to a local gym and ask for a look round? In my experience, you'll see people in there of all sorts of ages, shapes and sizes.

Most of them will be supportive and you might see the odd perky ponytail; you'll also see a lot of trackie bottoms and people who've dressed to work out, not to impress anyone.

All the best.

Maybe you could start by following some YouTube yoga videos at home? Then when you were a bit more confident with what you are doing you could join a class. Although I'm sure no one in the class will be judging you. They'll be focused on mot falling over themselves.
I actually prefer to do yoga by myself at home to in a class anyway.

I totally get it.

I’m in the process of losing weight. I was an 18-20 and refused to go to classes or to the gym because I was terrified of being the big girl there, the one who is totally out of shape, the only one who couldn’t do it.

Last week I started an intensive boot camp type thing. I’m currently a size 14, and finally felt the confidence to go. You know what? In a group of 12 (it’s the same group every night), I’m probably about mid-way in size. There’s 2 ladies bigger than I ever was. One around the same size I started, and another couple probably 16-18. And I’m fitter than some of the thinner women too.

I wish I’d plucked up the confidence to start earlier. It would have meant i was much further along my weight loss mission than I am now.

This is gonna sound cheesy as hell, but everyone there is attending for their own reasons, whether it be the person just starting out trying to lose weight, the size 8 person who is desperate to lose their tummy, the person half way there like me. The only thing I think about seeing the bigger ladies is ‘why didn’t I do it when I was their size’. No judgement. I bet most people don’t even notice others. There’s one lady in our class who is so focused on her technique in the mirror that she barely glances around. I only notice because I had that same paranoia (still) of being the biggest, most unfit there.

Good luck with it. Book that class.

Davina fit dvds are fantastic if you're motivated enough to do these at home, you can do a low impact version until you feel able to step it up. The Body Coach is also great for recipes and exercise routines although they are quite intense.

Is there a class or club specifically designed for mums near you OP? I joined a running club (couch to 5k) and there were women of all shapes, sizes (20+) and abilities (as in couldn't jog/walk for 90 seconds). The programme was really really achievable and it's a great way of meeting people to motivate you to stick at it (I'm very lazy and benefit from having a set class to attend and people to exercise with).

It's easy to say please don't feel embarrassed but it's hard when your confidence is rock bottom. Be kind to yourself OP, anything you do will be better than how you feel at this moment

I know this won't change how you feel but I just wanted to let you know I am one of those petite size 6-8 women and the only thing I think when I see a larger woman at a gym class is: "good for her!"

I think people are very unlikely to judge an overweight person who is trying to lose weight! Most think it's fantastic!

I'm small but not very fit so don't let appearances fool you! Some of the larger ladies run rings around me.

YANBU to feel any sort of way. How we feel about our bodies can be so complex. But YWBU to let your feelings stop you from taking a class when you want to and would benefit from it. PP such as @MardAsSnails are absolutely correct when they say that other people in the classes are much too concerned with their own issues, like trying to get the poses themselves (and in many cases, feeling JUST as self conscious as you!), to worry about how you look or how you’re doing. If, in the very, very rare chance, someone ever is unkind, please tell the instructor. Any class instructor I’ve ever had would absolutely want to know. They work hard to provide a welcoming environment for beginners and if any douche-canoe is making it difficult and unwelcoming for beginners, that person is going to make it less likely for them to get new class members, and an instructor will NOT want that (from a compassionate and business standpoint).

As for starting an exercise program at size 20, don’t feel daunted! There are so many options now and I think others who have mentioned trying some YouTube videos before going to a class, may have the right idea. Still, it’s okay to go to a class and still have a lot to learn; you’re meant to. Just look at the rhetoric - it’s called a class and it’s run by a teacher or instructor. If everyone knew everything, they’d call it something else. I‘ve lost a good amount of weight but I’m terribly out of shape and go to a Pilates class where I can only do about half of the exercises. My instructor doesn’t mind at all - as he points out, half is more than none. Also, since you mention terrible stiffness, you may want to check some videos on stretching. A lot of people treat stretching like it is just for before of after a workout, but it can be a workout in itself, and might help with some of your current issues? They have some great YouTube videos for that, too. Good luck, and you can do this!

I was a size 10/12 after having my baby from previously being an 8, also I struggle with Body dysmorphia so even though it wasn't a huge change I felt like uncomfortable going back to gym classes as though everyone would look at me, I started by going on a walk every other day, we have a lovely 3 mile walk near me so I would do that and a few stretches, I did that for about a month, once I'd done that I felt more confident doing things like swimming when it was quiet and then combined that with the walk and stretches, then added a few squats and sit ups, after 2 months, I started back at my gym, it's not a lot by psychological will make you feel better and in a better mindset to go back but will also help you loosen up and lose a few pounds before you take the plunge to classes etc xx

Maybe check out post natal classes or personal training. There are some great ones near me. A qualified postnatal PT did a couple of sessions with me in my garden post c section to get me started on daily excercise before I joined a class.

But otherwise go for it.
When I started running I was really embarrassed and thought people would be laughing at me stumbling along. But you know what? No one ever laughed. Like me, they just smile hello if they are other runners.

In a class we all get sweaty and all go the wrong way sometimes. Don’t go to a gym where only tiny women in expensive Lycra parade about. Go to a fun gym that is there for everyone x

I go to yoga twice a week and would never ever judge anyone who comes along. We are all different shapes and sizes and there - including a 50yr old man who did he back in carrying ladders. Give it a go! If you are really anxious then go at the back of the room but everyone is concentrating on breathing and not falling over!

Also recommend Fitness Blender! I love them.

I'm as round as I'm tall and, like you, suffered from a fear of standing out and worrying about what other people would think if I took up any form of group exercise. The trick is to find something that you enjoy so that you become so engrossed in what you are doing that you forget to worry about what anyone else is thinking. If I do start to worry, I find someone else unusual (older/fatter etc) and look at how confident they seem and how much fun they are having. If they can, so can I!

I started playing tennis a few years ago and now continue to play each week and I've recently joined my club's doubles league. I was terrified the first time I played a match, as I thought the opposition would die laughing when they saw me, but they didn't and we won!

Over the years I've also been to afternoon aqua zumba classes (average age of participant - 70), swimming (the elderly overtake me in the slow lane) and gave up after one Zumba session because I was too un-co-ordinated. Give it a go and have fun!

I’m not really into yoga but to get you moving PLEASE check out Leslie Sansone. You can get free workouts from her on YouTube - all based on walking!! I’m pretty fit and I love her (she’s seen me through 4 pregnancies) My mum started doing her workouts ages 74 and now a year later has my Dad doing them too!! You really can do them NO MATTER how old or how fit or what size you are!

YABU

Go and visit some gyms. Have a look around, get a feel for the places. Most will give a weeks free trial, free class pass etc. to help you decide. Find where you're most comfortable, that's vital.

The gym I go to is fantastic. There are people there of every shape, size and ability, but everyone is supportive regardless of where they are in their own journey. The facilities are great, but the staff absolutely make the place what it is. They're approachable and knowledgeable and always happy to help.

Your size is irrelevant really. If you do classes, any good instructor will help you adapt the standard exercises if necessary. My pilates instructor is brutal but she does the class to aim for the majority. People more advanced, she will give adaptations too. People less experienced, with disabilities, whatever, she will also give appropriate adaptations to. If you want to use gym equipment, the staff will show you how to use it all and can help you make a progressive training plan.

At the end of the day, your workout is your workout. As long as you're doing whatever it is that you're doing safely, no one else should have an opinion. Everyone started their journey somewhere, yours is just beginning now.

What you may wish to consider (depending on how you feel about it) is committing to going with a friend (less likely to bail at the last minute!) or joining somewhere in January, along with the hoardes of other self conscious novices. My gym do a taster session (15-30 minutes) of each class in the first week of January so people can try a little snippet of things to see if they like it. Finding clothes you're comfortable in too is also important.

Most importantly, your size doesn't define you. At a size 20 I've run marathons and ultra marathons and have been fitter than I've ever been in my life.

Do it. You won't regret it!

I am not overweight but I could not do any of the stuff they were trying to get me to do in yoga, and that was the beginners class! No one cares.

OP. You've identified that your weight is having a huge impact on the quality of your life and & that's the biggest step! If you can afford it a few sessions with a PT is a great way to learn how and what to do. If you're not comfortable in a gym or at classes I don't think there is much point in going as you'll give up. You can do a whole host of things at home with exercise bands and some free weights. High intensity training can be done in your front room. Think star jumps, squats, planks, dishes, burpees, on the spot runs etc. Your last sentence worries me a bit though. If you really want to shift weight food is the biggest factor by far. You could run for 2 hours a day and follow it up with an hour of weights but if you're not eating right you won't lose weight. Good luck!

I'm size 20. I do yoga. I am not the only large one in the class. There are some poses I can't do. There are always some poses people can't do, and it's not about size. Well, some of it is - I can't do a lot of binds because there is too much stomach or thigh in the way, but there will be skinny people who can't do something because they don't have the flexibility or whatever. There are some poses I find easier than some of the slim people. There are always adaptations available, so people who can't do that pose that day can do something different which works the same part of the body.

Also, there are lots of different styles of yoga, and yoga teachers. You won't always click with a particular teacher or style, and and that's okay. Try a different one. Most yoga teachers will let you try a class to see how you get on. Talk to the teacher about your concerns - any decent teacher will be happy to spare the time for that.

I also do aquafit/aquarobics - I have never been the biggest in a class for that. It's less impact on your joints (which do suffer if you're overweight) and easier to take at a pace you can manage, IME.

As a pp said I'm also a size 8 and when I used to go to the gym if I saw anyone larger I would just think good for him / her or wow he / she is really fit, I wish I could build up to that! Not all of us size 8 people are -even remotely-- fit or in any way judgemental. You'd probably be a lot fitter than me within a few weeks so please don't let your size put you off.

What I like about the gym (as opposed to running outside, for example), is that everyone is there to exercise. No one noticed you, because they are concentrating on themselves. I find that very liberating.

I am about a size 12, and very inflexible. I went to a yoga class with a tiny friend who was pretty good, and I was worried I'd stand out and look stupid. The best person in the class was easily a size 18 (she caught my eye because she was so good and so strong, not because of her size). Size and shape are not predictors of yoga skill in my experience. And no one cared whether I was good or not - yoga puts a lot of emphasis on listening to your own body and improving slowly, not competing with others.

Honestly, nobody gives a shit what anyone else is doing, they are normally too focussed on what their own body is doing. Because you are bigger, does that mean you are less entitled to join an exercise class? Of course you're not. Getting fit is what these classes are for. Go, go, go!

Agree with HouseOnTheLake, I am one of those size 8 women with high ponytails and I would never judge anyone who comes to an exercise class. I would actually admire them as I know how hard it must be to turn up at the start. Starting a new class is scary for anyone.
I agree aquafit/water aerobics is great - you might feel self conscious in a swimsuit but you are underwater for most of it anyway, and its a great way of starting out gently.