To be embarrassed to go to exercise classes because of my size

[survivalmode]

I'm a size 20 and woefully out of shape. I had a baby four months ago and haven't really moved since. My core has completely gone to shit. I am so stiff when I wake up in the morning that I find it hard to wipe after I've used the loo. I'm embarrassed by this.

I want to play with my kids on the floor and be able to get back up again without having to go on all fours and heave myself up. I want to be able to walk down the stairs alternately in the morning instead of shuffling down one step at a time. I want to be able to feel like I've wiped my arse properly.

Yoga appeals, not because I see it as an easy option, but because I feel like a lot of my weakness is in my core. I also suffer from anxiety and think that my breathing could be greatly improved.

But I'm too embarrassed to book a class. For the first few months I'm not even sure I'd be able to hold the most simple poses. I feel very awkward about my gut/upper arms dangling all over the place. In my head I picture the class being full of size 8 women with perky high ponytails. And it terrifies me.

AIBU to feel this way? (Also, if you're about to suggest that I eat less please spare yourself the trouble, I know this needs work too)

Have you looked at your local leisure centre??
The 2 gyms near me seem to be very busy and quite posey but the leisure centre is fantastic. It offers loads of classes- way more choice and times etc- but also offers classes for people with disabilities.. a fully funded 12 week program for those with mental health issues AND specific classes for people with BMI over 27.
Could be worth looking at what yours offers?

I'd not done any exercise at all until being in my sixties. Started with Pilates and Zumba gold. All shapes and size of ladies at both. Our lovely Pilates instructor always checks if anyone has any aches or pains and will modify their programme accordingly. As others have said, no-one notices anyone else. From experience the first month is the most challenging, but now I wouldn't want to miss either classes. I've found not only do I feel fitter, I also feel more relaxed after Pilates and both classes are therefore good for my mental health too. I've also met some lovely people too and have gone on to find a great friend. Please go for it - you won't regret it.

We have a running group near us that specialises in people starting from absolute scratch, I've got to say its refreshing to see. I love to see people just getting up and trying.
I have ran for years and don't have a weight problem. I used to hear it a lot, your alright your skinny etc, but when you see the different shapes and size running in this group doing everything from walking up to albeit very slow jogging I think good on you and stick an imaginary finger up at all those who used their size as and excuse.
Please don't let your size and lack of fitness stop you op.
Have you though about getting a group together of like minded people who have the same worries and draw on each others support, you may even have fun while you do it, which is just as important as the health benefits.

I do an assortment of classes (spin, yoga, barre) and I’m honestly so focused on myself and what I’m doing that I barely pay attention to the people around me.

You could always pick a class that is in a darker setting (lots of spin classes, clubbercise, some hot yoga).

I would see you and think ‘good for you’ then carry on with my workout and forget about you.

I know it can be scary but at classes there is everyone of every size, and if someone is rude because you’re trying to get fitter then they’re an ass!!

I’ve never seen anyone care what anyone else looks like in any fitness class. Great idea on the Pilates for the core. I find my lower back and lower abs are really weak and it makes some classes tough. Good luck! Xxx

I am a PT and also group exercise instructor. Everyone is welcome, no matter their size, shape or fitness and there are plenty of ways to give you alternative exercises discreetly so that you are not being singled out until you are able to complete the whole class. I have people at so many stages of fitness, with different physical limitations and so many sizes that no one bats an eyelid at anyone doing anything differently at all; they just concentrate on their own efforts.

You could also book a couple of sessions with a PT who will work with you in your home to get you started back to fitness if you'd feel more comfortable that way.

In my weightlifting group its a size 18 lady who is the strongest by far - she can lift double her own weight! I can barely do my own weight.

I agree that booking a personal trainer to work with you, perhaps in a local park, would be a way forward if you can afford this. I've known a few people get great results from a few sessions - mainly just boosting their fitness and confidence to the point where they are able to start going to regular classes and maintain a routine.

I think it's bs to say no one notices or cares. There are some cruel people in the world and to pretend there aren't just makes it harder to deal with when we do encounter those people because we take it more personally.

OP, some people will notice, and some people will care. Yes, they might think 'why is SHE here' or compare you unfavourably to themselves.

But you know, fuck them. Who cares what they think?

I live in a village in Asia where I'm the only white person. Yeah, I get stared at, sometimes I get comments, sometimes people make a big fucking deal out of me being there, and yes, it sucks and I hate it.

But more or less, I just think 'well, I hope my life is never so boring or my mind so small that I stare at someone for being different to me'.

I'm slim, but when I first went to yoga, I couldn't do anything either, and while it was mildly embarrassing, the teacher was kind and helped me a lot (I think most yoga teachers are kind, at least outwardly).

And every time I've been to the gym, there have been people of all shapes and sizes and ages and fitness levels. I'd say most people will not even notice you, bar the few oddballs who seem to enjoy making other people feel bad, but just keep remembering that they are nobody to you. My technique is always to imagine that person shrinking down to the size of a pin, then I scoop them up and ping them off into the distance.

Check out the 'Seven' app. It's a free daily workout that lasts only 7 minutes. It's basically 30 seconds work with 10 seconds rest in between around 12 movements.

Do it everyday and within a week you'll feel better! Promise.

I've been doing it for around 50 days (I had a baby 9 months ago so I know how hard it is to fit exercise in).

It's lovely to have it over and done with in 7 mins instead of having to try and find a whole morning etc.

Oh and I would also think 'good for them' if I saw an overweight person working out. I can't understand why anyone would think any differently! Everyone's there for the same purpose

I feel the same hun.. if i lived near you i would come with you to classes...

Please please go! There are all shapes and sizes in my Pilates class. Ime size has nothing to do with how good you are at it. I’m a size 10 but due to past serious injuries some days I can barely do anything in there. I’m usually the worst by far!!
My instructor always gives the lower options which are a good starting point for all (and usually a good finish point for me!!).
There is no judgement at all!!!
PLEASE GO!!

I'm also very big (like a size 24) and I had a baby recently. I go on the basis that I am big (well, I say "fat" but the thin people around me hate me saying that even though it's really just an accurate description and I have no problem with it) and people are likely to notice. I'm OK with that. Own it, OP. You are who you are and you have as much right to be fit and healthy as anyone else. If others have a problem with that then that genuinely says a lot about them and nothing about you.

I have only read you OP and none of the replies but I just wanted to assure you that yoga classes are nothing like that at all.

Yoga is fantastic for anxiety, joints and muscles and brilliant if you don't want to do anything high impact as yet.

Please don't think that you should do all the poses perfectly because there is no such thing. The teacher will guide you. So if you're bending slightly forwards the teacher will guide you into a straighter position.

Yoga is also about listening to your body and going as far as you can and no further. Gradually this will increase.

It isn't a quick fix to losing weight, but you will notice muscles building and toning. You'll start to move around better as your flexibility improves.

It doesn't matter what size you are and when you get there and start doing it you will be surprised at what you can do rather than worrying about what you can't.

I can completely relate on feeling out of place/comparing my fitness levels to others' at the gym/classes. How about building up gently with some home workouts? Yoga with Adrianne is a great place to start, she's on YouTube and has workouts for all abilities. Maybe start with the one for limited mobility/seated workout. As others have suggested, fitness blender is also great. Next step is walking outside, then power walking - get yourself used to being active around other people. Once you've got a head start you can find a small class to join and continue building your confidence as well as fitness. Good luck! 💪

Here are a few other things.
I have noticed that there are different groups of people around in the gym at different times and on different days. So you might find you tribe 9.30 on a Tuesday morning for example. The perky sorts are more often around mid evening and Saturday morning at my gym.
My other recommendation is Tai Chi it has a thoughtful measured approach and definitely the classes I go to are very mixed in every way and lots of people wear baggy joggers and t-shirt. I went following surgery and I didn’t want to bounce or jiggle and it was really beautiful.

Yoga in particular is very inward focused. Sometimes they dim the lights and a lot of the time you have your eyes shut or focused on a spot straight ahead, you really aren't paying attention to what others are doing. Please don't worry about it.

Just wanted to offer some encouragement! Yoga is about focussing on yourself, not comparison with others - others in the class probably won't take any notice of you. I rarely notice anyone else in my class but if I do see someone struggling with a basic pose I just assume they are a beginner and think no more of it.

I think one of the awful things about our society is that people who don’t meet the ‘norm’ are made to feel that they can’t participate.

You sound lovely OP, and you deserve to be able to focus on your health, in whatever way you see fit. Your lovey is as good as anyone else’s!

I’d also say do a couple of YouTube videos of yoga before you go, to increase your confidence. It sounds like your body is a bit battered after birth (mine too! 14 days post baby here!) so you should feel results quite quickly with the right exercise.

Put your hair in a high ponytail before you go You are just as good as anybody else!

All the best!

another vote for Yoga with Adriene on YoutTube. Just search for beginners videos; they're nice and short and accessible for all abilities.

Or she has two 'courses' that you can work through. They are designed for you to do a bit of yoga every day for a month, but I just did them at my own pace and finished in three or four months. They both start from beginner level and all the advance poses you see in the thumbnails are just options if you feel ready for them. There's always a way to keep is basic for beginners like me.

And all you need is space for a mat in front of your TV.

Yoga With Adriene Channel

Lovey =money

Another vote for FitnessBlender workouts here. They have changed my life, and I find it easier to work out at home with a small baby.

However, if exercise classes suit you better, please don't be intimidated. I refused to wear a swimsuit between 14 and 29 years old because I felt disgusting. Then, one day, I took DC1 and DC2 to the swimming pool because I did not want them to miss out because of my issues.
I realised that no one cared about my weight.
Who goes to the gym to stare at other people's bodies?

Good luck.

The yoga class I go to is very mixed and it's lovely

I'm the size 8 (weirdo) in my ancient leotard because that's what I'm comfortable in as my saggy mum tum can't escape as vests ride up and leggings roll down Sadly my mum tum is about the same size as my minimalist bust, so being small isn't necessarily glamourous. Most people are in active wear or looser t-shirts and soft trousers.

If only I could come anywhere near touching my toes! Many people who appear to be flexible are often "cheating" by being out of alignment. Improving and learning good form can make you feel like it's getting harder and you're going backwards as you're self awareness improves. This is why a good class is much better than learning from videos as a good instructor should help guide you into good form.

Go for the class. The ethic of yoga is mental peace and continuous improvement.

PS, my previous yoga instructor was size 18 and flexible enough to backbend to sit on her own head! Definitely envy!