Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be offended by the term ‘Chestfeeding’

138 replies

Coco2891 · 12/11/2018 22:57

The Breastfeeding Network (UK) has just shared an article on Facebook from Kellymom about trans people and the term ‘chestfeeding’ and that people should be asked what they would like it reffered to as by their health visitor-having not read a lot about the trans movement I am a bit behind on it all but this term has really got up my nose ! I’m tired and hormonal btw so any other day it may not have bothered me enough to post on the internt about it 🙄

OP posts:
JudasPrudy · 13/11/2018 09:59

'Pre menstuator, menstrutor, uterus owner, breeder, chest feeder, non man'

These terms actually make me feel queasy. I can't believe even the NHS is pandering to the notions of these pressure groups who want to use these terms. It is perverse.

drspouse · 13/11/2018 09:59

It's the "I'm nonbinary and I have not changed a thing about my appearance but you are supposed to magically know I'm called 'they' and not refer to women in my presence" brigade that are the problem here. Rather than the transmen who present as male and will probably explain themselves too.

I've seen a real bunfight on at least one environmental group for someone saying that it's OK for women to refer to themselves as women even if some special snowflake who is a woman and looks like a woman and doesn't refer to themselves as a man, doesn't like the word "woman" because they are "non-binary".
(context was washable sanitary pads but I bet someone's come up with it on a breastfeeding post too. Washable chest pads for leakage, anyone?)

Dragon3 · 13/11/2018 10:04

Post-partum women need holistic assessment and care, supporting them in their role as new mothers. Using language like chest feeders undermines mothers. Deliberately.

Mothering is much more than a series of tasks and It is performed by Women, not body parts.

YES. Yes.

The undermining of women must stop. What about our feelings? Some women don't care but very many do. Why don't we count?

Transmen should ask their HCP to use whatever language they prefer. It's unreasonable to make the rest of us pretend that 'breastfeeding' is somehow inaccurate.

The transactivist who told women to 'enjoy your erasure' is Shon Faye. A rather influential individual, unfortunately.

JudasPrudy · 13/11/2018 10:09

'It kind of sounds like you’re offended about other people being treated with the same respect as you, and that is really unreasonable.'

I find it disrespectful to be called a cervix haven't, a menstruator or to be asked if I want to chest feed. Why is it only trans people who get to be offended and disrespected by how they are referred to? YABU.

thefirstmrsdewinter · 13/11/2018 10:10

Where they are doing this in the US the policy is to use chestfeeding across the board. This is not a marginal 'what are your pronouns' thing where they ask your preference, it's to be used as standard for everyone. I have a rl friend who recently had the training in New York.

drspouse · 13/11/2018 10:13

Why is it only trans people who get to be offended and disrespected by how they are referred to?

Exactly. I'm offended by being referred to as a "person with a period". I'm a woman.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 13/11/2018 10:18

This isn’t about anyone’s feelings, trans or not. It’s about control.

100% this. Erasing women by downgrading them to a collection of body parts.

spannablue · 13/11/2018 10:18

YABU. So what if you don't like a word?! I don't like the word 'egg' for some reason. I'm not going to go around asking people not to say it (although I do ask my kids not to, as they whisper it into my ear to wind me up).

The term is not meant for you. It doesn't do you any harm. However it may help some people feel more comfortable at a time when they are nurturing a tiny baby.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 13/11/2018 10:18

They’re just asking what you prefer. If you don’t like the term chestfeeding don’t use it. Surely it’s that simple? Whether you like it or not some trans people have kids, and they’re entitled to have their preferences met just as you are. It kind of sounds like you’re offended about other people being treated with the same respect as you, and that is really unreasonable.

This is the whole crux of the TRA movement. Why ever would/should they ask a woman whether she wants to use the normal accepted term or a bizarre, inaccurate term invented so as not to upset people who identify as men and NOT women - people, that is, who are doing what obviously only a woman can do?

In the case of a pregnant transman, it will be in their notes (and likely obvious) what their status is. By all means let HCP ask this tiny fraction of patients which they prefer. I once read of a man who lived as a cat and wanted to be treated like one. Does this mean that every reference to the word 'person' should be removed from all government forms and documents - just in case this man or somebody like him happens to turn up requiring their services? He might be dreadfully upset and offended if anybody assumes that he is human.

Therefore, do we end up with forms that go on for pages and pages asking "What is your preferred pronoun - he, she, they, it, hem, haw, zim, zam, zem, other?"; "Are you a human, cat, dog, giraffe, rhino, mayfly, lady/man/non-binarybird?"; "Should we refer to your upper limb extremities as hands or paws?"; "Are you Black, White, Asian, Oceanian, Eurasian, Narnian, Liliputian, offended by the suggestion of racial compartmentalisation?" ???

Is it really so difficult to treat the virtually-whole majority in a standard, accepted way that suits the virtually-whole majority perfectly and make individually-tailored adjustments for the handful of patients/customers who may require them?

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 13/11/2018 10:22

FUCK. OFF. [not to you lot, but to all this friggin madness!!!] Angry

JoggerBottom · 13/11/2018 10:29

I worry about teaching young girls and boys about their bodies and where the blurring of information is leading.

Could you imagine explaining to children about chest feeding?

53rdWay · 13/11/2018 10:34

aye JoggerBottom, it’s difficult enough when people get squeamish about giving children accurate names for their own body parts. And not just parents - I had an antenatal class once with a midwife who wouldn’t use the word penis when talking about changing/cleaning baby boys, it was always “his little thingy”. Was a bit Hmm

BettyDuMonde · 13/11/2018 10:34

I’m wondering how basic sex ed is going to pan out now that ‘some girls have penises’.

Confused
southpacificgoat · 13/11/2018 10:35

Truly chilling what is being done to undermine women and make us all feel like our bodies are something to be ashamed of. Let's not sit back and be accommodating to this shit. It is breastfeeding of course. No, I don't want to be asked by my HCP if I prefer to use another term and I strongly object that this should be done to appease a very small minority of transmen who bear children and choose to BF rather than FF AND still have an issue with referring to their breasts as just that. I would even question that this is being pushed from their corner at all. Allowing this kind of thing will just add to women feeling wrong and embarrassed about their bodies rather than celebrate them for what they can do. Of course - if ANY individual feels uncomfortable with the use of certain terminology then they can ask their HCP to use different words, but don't push your insecurities on everyone else!

PlatypusPie · 13/11/2018 10:38

All the ' Come on, it's just a word, what's it matter anyway, don't worry about it if it doesn't affect you , move on, nothing to see here, you are just being mean'' comments.

Straight out of the insidious propaganda playbook but the trouble is more women are getting wise to it as a technique. They are seeing this nonsense for what it is - an attempt to demean and devalue women and their bodies.

SilentIsla · 13/11/2018 10:39

Had not been aware of the existence of such a stupid term. 🙄😂

SilentIsla · 13/11/2018 10:40

Breasts are the feeding bit, not the chest.

JoggerBottom · 13/11/2018 10:44

53rdWay my first midwife kept referring to my 'foof'. Hmm

MammaSchwifty · 13/11/2018 10:49

Urgh oh god, oh Christ, I actually feel a bit ill and disturbed by this, and I am a usually no-nonsense cast iron constitution low-offence threshold type of woman.

The creeping insidiousness of it all. Now even the domains of pregnancy, childbirth, and infant feeding are being linguistically appropriated. I am starting to feel misgendered by all this.

MammaSchwifty · 13/11/2018 10:49

Or should that be high-offence threshold? I mean it's difficult to ruffle me, generally.

thefirstmrsdewinter · 13/11/2018 10:58

spannablue 'The term is not meant for you. It doesn't do you any harm. However it may help some people feel more comfortable at a time when they are nurturing a tiny baby.' And yet it is being rolled out for everyone who is giving birth and/or nursing in New York. Not 'would you prefer breast or chest?' when talking about breasts but just chestfeeding. Not nursing, just chestfeeding. For everyone in obstetrics. For my friend who is a lactation consultant. She has to lead with chestfeeding, whether it is 'meant for you' or not.

thefirstmrsdewinter · 13/11/2018 11:00

And if it's not clear I understand New York is not in the UK, but if you think oh it's only for some people and just being polite etc, this is a thing that is happening.

53rdWay · 13/11/2018 11:13

I think in a climate where breastfeeding is still not widely socially accepted unless you’re doing it under a blanket and at home and only for tiny tiny babies, and that’s in large part because women’s bodies are so sexualised that showing a bit of skin when you latch a baby is ‘flaunting’ and feeding beyond young infancy is dodgy and weird and all about the mother.... then yes, it does harm us to add to this by not using the word ‘breast’ to refer to the body part or ‘breastfeeding’ to refer to the process.

GreyDuck · 13/11/2018 11:24

Chestfeeding is a stupid term, as others have said, the breast is the correct name for the body part. It's not a gendered term. My husband previously had a chest infection, it was a cough, not mastitis.

Batteriesallgone · 13/11/2018 11:30

Erasure. Plain and simple.